Will start off by saying im not sure what replies i expect from this.
I went to ob/gym yesterday to see about getting tubes tied.
Im 36 and have 3 children so she said yep of course no prob lets book it in.
Since booking it in for in about a months time im now questioning if i should go ahead....
DH flat out refuses to have snip
He also doesnt want more children
I have a family history of breast cancer and taking hormonal contraceptives after 35 is a risk factor according to my specialist.
^ so i guess they are all reasons for and it all makes sense but why do i suddenly have all this doubt in my mind
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06-09-2016 21:46 #1
Deciding to get tubes tied
06-09-2016 21:52 #2
Why is he refusing? If he is 100% sure then he can't have it all his own way. My DH got the snip as he agreed I had carried and gone through so many ops, this was the least he could do.
Long before we were done, several female family members told me not to get my tubes tied. They said it had caused lots of issues, including constant bleeding and pain. Honestly, the vasectomy is nothing in comparison to what we go through multiple times. It's a tiny snip of a tube under a local in the drs rooms. He'll get swelling for a few days, some bruising then he'll be all good. There is no change to anything working down there, they just shoot blanks.
Since you say you aren't sure, then I would suggest another discussion. If you aren't sure, then you should rethink it, at least short term. If he is that sure, then he needs to get a vas. Simple.
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06-09-2016 21:58 #3
Ugh i don't know where my reply went!
Anyway, not sure if it will help you decide, but have you considered having genetic testing done in relation to the familial cancer link?
The reason I ask is my sister, cousin and I have been tested and have a fault on the BRCA1 gene. Because of that, we have health care plans in place that include plans for surgery (mastectomy and hysterectomy) to reduce risk.
This may not answer your tubes tying question, but it may be helpful for overall healthcare and risk management.
If a specific risk was detected, it may get you to think about it more a health management than being done with kids or not.
I'm not really explaining myself well. I know what i'm trying to say but it's not coming out right. Sorry about that.
07-09-2016 05:30 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2012
If you're not sure, don't do it
Tell your DH to stop being so selfish. If he is sure he doesn't want more kids, he can get the snip.
07-09-2016 06:04 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2014
My mum has several symptoms of post tubal ligation syndrome, as in about 3/4 of them, so I would never have my tubes tied personally. Read in to post tubal ligation syndrome, and discuss it with your DH. My DH had the snip...so much easier for them, and without all the risks involved.
I can't take hormonal contraception so it would be condoms for us if DH wouldn't have had the snip....and complete abstinence around ovulation. I wouldn't be increasing my risk of breast cancer with hormonal contraception because DH wouldn't get the snip.
07-09-2016 06:38 #6
I can understand your reluctance, it's quite invasive surgery with a high risk of side effects. I'm the female version of your DH and I flat out refuse to have it done. I also refuse to take hormonal contraception due to side effects. So its been 3 years of condoms and counting.
He knows he has to get the snip but is really dragging his feet. At first he was scared as the only mates who had had it done had the procedure decades ago when it was more invasive. Thankfully he got chatting to a mate a couple of months ago who had it done recently using the "no scalpel" method and he's feeling better about it as his mate was back at work the next day.
Part of him also feels like it will turn him into an old man. He's even asked if we can wait til he turns 40 (4years away!!). I'm trying to get him to understand that I really need him to get it done sooner as I'm still a bit clucky for a third (we've made the logical, rational and sensible decision to stop at 2, but our kids are so awesome I think I'll always want more) and I feel like if another was impossible it would help me move on from the idea. He doesn't really get, he's being very selfish but they're his feelings and its not up to me to tell him that he can't have those feelings. I just tell him that I understand how he feels but we will be using condoms until he gets it done and if we fall preg I will not get a termination. The second bit hit home when we had a 'scare' a few months ago, which has also helped motivate him a little.
He does agree that it's his turn after all the surgeries, scans etc I've had along the road to having our children. It's just taking him a long time to work up the courage.
Has your DH said why he is refusing? I would try to get him reasons and even get him to talk to a Dr. about the procedure if it might help. (I have the brochure for a no-scalpel one in Melbourne - left it lying around for DH to read lol, if you're in Vic.)
Another reason your own doubts could be the finality of it all. I've been processing the whole "moving on from babies stage". Its really forcing me to face my own mortality and generally just making me feel a bit old. It's all been quite a mourning process and if I know when permanent action gets taken I will feel quite sad.
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07-09-2016 06:46 #7
I agree, if you are unsure, don't do it (now).
It will be very easy to regret the surgery. Your DH needs to take responsibility for contraception too. It's not all up to us (or shouldn't be). Not saying he should get a vasectomy, just that it's not all on your shoulders.
07-09-2016 07:11 #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2013
I wouldn't get it done either. For me personally, I've had enough gynae/fertility related surgeries that I wouldn't go adding another unless it was absolutely necessary.
In your position, if DH didn't want to get the snip, I'd be insisting on condoms or risking pregnancy - his call. You could possibly look into a non hormonal form of contraception like a copper iud but they obviously have their own pros/cons so you'd need to weigh up those for yourself.
As far as the history of breast cancer goes, I would be getting tested to find out if I had a faulty BRCA gene as a pp said (if you haven't already) and if I did, putting further plans in place to maximise my chances of staying healthy beyond not using hormonal contraception. Obviously that might include surgery that would render the tubal ligation unnecessary.
Good luck with your decision!
07-09-2016 07:24 #9
Don't do it I'm getting a reversal worst surgery
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07-09-2016 08:19 #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2015
I've just had the copper IUD 'installed' 2 weeks ago. I'm in the same boat, extremely hormone sensitive and too early for DP to consider getting the snip.
What I've read and what my Gyno has said is they can't guarantee how painful/heavy the periods will be.
I take zinc supplements daily as zinc can assist to offset a copper imbalance in your body (been taking zinc for a couple of years before this), I'm yet to have a period (although it felt like I got one straight away after the insertion) so I can't comment on that for me as yet.
You could always give this a go - it lasts for 5 years and it isn't permanent.
Best of luck. I'm hoping DP agrees to the snip when the time comes because I've had years of gyno issues too. X
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