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  1. #951
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    @Charlie74 I wish I could give you a hug. Your courage is inspiring xxx

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  3. #952
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    I've always known it as the mother frucker gene as when I was tested for it by my naturopath she called it that. I went home and cried the whole night. Funny now that I know more about it but at the time I thought I was going to die or at least not be able to have a baby. I was right about the latter.

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  5. #953
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    @Charlie74 you are doing an amazing job dealing with all the balls in the air atm. You're a strong woman and focusing on the now sounds like a good plan. Was that a guided mindfulness class or app?

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  7. #954
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    Default IVF over 40#39

    Quote Originally Posted by gorgeousgeorge View Post
    @Minniemin probably should also have added theres lots of epigenetic book on that site, the really expensive ones like +$100 are textbooks for university people and arent really readable if you dont have a science/medical degree (believe me, i found this out the hard expensive way when i decided to learn about animal cognition and animal neuroscience- lol, so i could understand what my cats were thinking about and what goes on in their little heads) So read the descriptions n look for the cheaper ones as a guide for understandable books for normal people :-) They also sell all the beautiful childrens picture books about donor ivf. Actually the book depository has never, not had a book i wanted. Best book site around. Quick postage from uk. They have donor experience books to by psych's, parents, children etc...
    I LOVE the Book Depository!
    So I've just downloaded that book onto my iPad because I'm too impatient to wait for post.
    I did look at some of those textbooks on Google and realised that I'm way too dumb to decipher all the big words (although I like the idea of reading one in public so I look really smart). The one you've recommended looks perfect.
    I hadn't thought to look for the Children's books on The BD. Will have a look now. Thanks again lovely xxx
    Last edited by Minniemin; 19-09-2016 at 21:06.

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  9. #955
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    @Charlie74 :-) you are amazing and strong and wonderful and yes, its possible to be all that and be having a meltdown at the same time. I love mindfulness meditation. I dont do it coz im a d i c k h e a d and j cant sit still (which is why i need to practise it). I have a few cds for pain management mindfulness and i totally am sold on it. I read lots of neuroscience books about how it changes the structure of your brain and it can be seen on an MRI. So i know it works. Im hoping one day I'll be so good at it that if my limbs get chopped off, I'll be like "pain is just a sensation, acknowledge it as such and move on". I'll be like that buddhist monk that set himself on fire and didnt flinch. Just have to put the disc in the cd player first though. Journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.
    Its a mad a r s e world of advertising and stupid memes n stuff we live in, where the world and society seems to tell us constantly to think positive, look on the brightside, snap out of it etc.. Has the world forgotten that humans arent rational? We are emotional creatures that react and respond to the things that happen to us. Since when is it not ok to feel negative emotions which are in proportion to our circumstances?
    These days, whenever people have that "look on the bright side" attitude, it just reminds me of the monty python, life of brian, crucifixion scene. You know, yeah maybe there is a bright side but there's a time and a place for it and its not immediately after experiencing something shocking and difficult.
    Im so glad the meditation has helped and its good that you and dh are so close and supporting each other.
    Im gonna start my own advertising campaign and make memes about "when sad stuff happens, its ok to feel sad" and "dont try not to feel stuff, feel it and acknowledge its a feeling" -like der!
    I also love what you said about acknowledging that thoughts are just that. Thoughts arent facts or predictions destined to become true. Im stealing that for my imaginary campaign. I'll give you royalties on all the imaginary money I'll make.
    Last edited by gorgeousgeorge; 19-09-2016 at 21:11.

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  11. #956
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    @Charlie74 forgot to add i also uninstalled facebook after someone i hardly know made a nasty comment when i commented on a childrens book. They said, "do you even have kids?" in a realky nasty way and i let loose. Ive always been able to just keep scrolling past all the ignorant red neck stuff and i was ashamed that i let this person i hardly know upset me so much. And that i showed the world my pain by replying, so i havent been on it for weeks and omg i am so much happier. Its like, my friends wouldnt come over to my house to shove their baby photos in my face, so why am i inviting this pain into my lounge room by opening up facebook. Im really surprised at how much i am enjoying having facebook out of my life.
    Last edited by gorgeousgeorge; 19-09-2016 at 21:20.

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  13. #957
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    @Caesardust how are you doing my lovely friend? Ive been thinking about you too. Things must be really hard and im totally aware of being about to start my de cycle and being in the excited/hopeful stage while you are processing an unsuccessful cycle. Its a weird thing when we are all at different stages of the same journey that has so many ups and downs. Sigh... im not sure what else to say except that im thinking of you. I hope your thought about not being able to have a baby is just that, a thought, not a prophecy xox

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  15. #958
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    Thanks for thinking of me @georgeousgeorge. I'm vicariously living through you lovelies who are cycling and just plodding along. I check in once a day at least but mostly just trying to not concentrate on ivf too much and just live for a bit. It's weird. It's like you've lost a leg when you're not cycling when you have done for so long. Have a good day xo

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  17. #959
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie74 View Post
    Lol @gorgeousgeorge! yep I always think that too about MTHFR!!

    Thank you so much for your post.. And no I'm not gonna tell u where to stick it either! Lol!

    I loved everything that you said.. Yesterday I had a complete meltdown.. I balled my eyes out in the shower to try & save my poor DP from feeling like he had to console me again- but the minute I walked downstairs & he saw me, he knew I was not in a good place. I'd been having horrible catastrophising thoughts.. A younger friend of my sister had posted photos of her 3 day old baby on FB, & my sister had also posted a beautiful photo of my neice who's now 9 mths old.. & it all had just hit me like a smack in the face... I started thinking about never having children.. How empty life will be? wondering what the point of life is when u don't have children to bring up? & thinking about little old ladies that we get on our ward sometimes who never had children & have no one to look after them or help them when they get older except maybe a niece or nephew who helps out a bit... ANYWAY.. You can see where I'm going with this... A VERY BAD PLACE!!

    After I balled my eyes out with DP we did a mindfulness meditation (nothing new we do them most days). but the one we did was about calming anxiety. And I felt like the woman's voice was speaking directly to me..

    She talked about how we view 'predicting' things in life as a way of controlling the unknown- which is of course impossible .. But even so, we play out scenarios in our minds, predicting all sorts of things that might go wrong in the future. And then we believe our own thoughts.. Which sends us into a tailspin of anxiety.

    She said to picture yourself lying on some grass watching clouds float by above, & imagine those clouds as our thoughts... And to just observe & watch them floating by.. And actually identify them as thoughts.. Just thoughts, not FACTS.. And don't react to them. It's then they lose their power over us.

    It sounds soooooo simple. But it was just what I needed to hear. It was a reminder. A reminder that yes we were told some things on Thursday that were pretty scary. But it hasn't actually happened yet. If it does happen that my body can't be pregnant then we'll deal with it when it happens.
    But right now we CAN actually still have hope- bcos Wazza is gonna do everything he knows to do to help us. I keep trying to also remind myself that as much as Im extremely disappointed by my old FS, she did get my lining to 6mm on cd 8 with all those meds etc. If she'd controlled my ovulation then I could have had more days to grow it more.

    So I'm trying not to focus too much on the clouds.. I'm allowing them to float by & acknowledging that they're there.. But I'm doing my best not to react to them or thinking that I can predict the future. So far so good today! It's the first day I haven't cried, not even on my own AND I deactivated my FB!

    Thanks to all you lovely girls by the way, I've felt lots of love & understanding from you all. It's really nice knowing there's so many of you who get it- bcos it feels like the rest of the world hasn't got a clue X
    @Charlie74, wow that's such an healthy approach, you're a tough one...
    You're inspiring me <3

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  19. #960
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    - @Rhino I'm pretty sure it's transfer day today for you Luv!!!


    and prayers being sent for a super sticky one (or 2..how many are you having put back in btw??) for you!!!!!

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