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  1. #1011
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlondeinBrisvegas View Post
    Here we go Girls....

    http://www.sbs.com.au/news/insight/t.../older-parents

    Gird your loins if you're going to watch it I say!!!!
    Did you watch it?

    a lot of really positive stories, I think that girl who hated having an old dad it seemed like it had more to do with his personality and sickness. Funny as I've been thinking a lot lately about needing to be fitter and healthier as an older parent..if it does happen.

    Amazing that woman who fell pregnant at 49!

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  3. #1012
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    @skeeter i dont know how i missed your post! Congratulations xox :-) :-) :-)

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  5. #1013
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    @skeeter congrats - double trouble !

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  7. #1014
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    Regarding the insight thing, if people think you shouldnt have a baby because you might die, then that means nobody should have a baby because no one knows when they will die and everyone will die sometime. Whats with blaming your parents for dying? Yes. When a parent dies, it sucks dogs balls, i know, but its not their fault. Aaargh...insight...you make me shout at the tv!

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  9. #1015
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    Default IVF over 40#39

    @Sue77 I remember you too and remember when you were investigating surrogacy in the Ukraine.

    *NOTE-I talk about my baby and my feelings about her here - I do not intend to upset anyone struggling in their ttc journey, it's purely to show the other end of the de thought process for those still thinking about de.


    I have an absolute darling de created 5 month old girl currently sleeping and wouldn't change her for anything in the world.

    I started IVF when I was 39. I did 4 stims and 5 transfers with one clinic then did immune testing followed by another 4 stim cycles which we banked for pgd testing. I found out on Easter Saturday last year that all were abnormal. My world fell apart.

    It had been mentioned to me that part of the problem might be my eggs (my immune dr not my fs said this), so I knew it was a possibility, but the reality was still a kick in the guts.

    I'm not someone who generally takes a long time to make decision so after talking to my dh that afternoon I started research on de.

    For me, I just wanted to be a mum. My dna is pretty cr@p anyway so when I thought about it, giving my baby the benefit of healthier Dna was actually the best thing for them.

    I read a little about epigenetics but really just said to myself - would you adopt? The answer was yes, but it's too darn hard in this country - so the move to de was easy from there.

    I went to Hawaii in July last year and was very fortunate to get pregnant first go and have embies frozen. I still needed to do immune treatment throughout the pregnancy and till I was 36 weeks I was still injecting clexane!

    I was able to carry bub so I don't know about surrogacy and can't comment on that.

    In the end my bub has come out and looks strongly like my dh so maybe she wouldn't have looked like me anyway, maybe his genes are just really strong - she doesn't look like our donor at all.

    But do you know what? When I was sitting there in the middle of the night feeding her and I'd had little or no sleep I didn't think about the fact she started as a gift of a few cells from a generous woman, I was just in awe that she was healthy, perfect and mine.

    I am her mother, it's me she smiles at first thing in the morning, it's me she giggles at when I blow her raspberries or dance around the house making up songs and it's me she turns to for comfort, how she came to be has absolutely nothing to do with anything. My world is as it should be with her in it.

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  11. #1016
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    Quote Originally Posted by gorgeousgeorge View Post
    Regarding the insight thing, if people think you shouldnt have a baby because you might die, then that means nobody should have a baby because no one knows when they will die and everyone will die sometime. Whats with blaming your parents for dying? Yes. When a parent dies, it sucks dogs balls, i know, but its not their fault. Aaargh...insight...you make me shout at the tv!
    I didn't watch it - my dad died at 51, yep it sucks dogs balls but I'm still glad they had me and I knew him for the time I got with him.

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  13. #1017
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    Reading all the posts have brought tears in my eyes. I couldn't have done it without this group and the love and understanding in all your messages. It really makes a huge difference. Geourgeousgeorge , Charlie74, Chiefsgirl and everyoone else ... your long posts have definately got my brain to stop crying for sometime and think. Every word makes so much sense. Its just the wobbly mind and so many misfortunes I have had or most of us have had here. For me.....l think its just the thought that I wasted soo many years from 30 to 40 trying ivfs and banking pgd normal embryos, miscarriges, immune treatments and still not ending with anything or any definite answers..... I think I need to calm my mind down from this thought as we are already in the process of DE and surrogacy. I got the agency's email that the donor which we selected is available. I could have done the DE with my body with all the immune protocols and it also could have worked in the first, second or xxxxx attempt... but to be honest my body has suffered enough from our horrendous ivf journey plus a major brain trauma. I think I have pushed myself way to hard, but my determination and prayers have not been answered. As you all said, time is the biggest healer and I will let it do its job. As hard as it is to step down from this ivf treadmill without any concrete answers, ( as one side of me still keeps saying.... just one more attempt with OE and it might work, but I get very scared as to how many times it has gone wrong)....I think ten years is more than enough for us and .....being childless was never an option for us, so I guess this is the best way to become a mum.

    P.S Your friend 's story gave me goosebumps Gorgeousgeorge.... God is so cruel sometimes ....

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  15. #1018
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    @Sue77 be kind to yourself. There is no right or wrong feelings at a time like this. You are grieving so many things, the loss of those years, those precious embies, the thought of carrying the baby yourself. But just remember, this will be your baby. It doesn't matter if she comes from your dna or if you carried her/him.

    They will look at you and see mum. You will be their world and they will love you.

    Once you step away from IVF you will feel so much better, and once you have the baby in your arms all these thoughts will vanish.

    Take the time to mourn, then look forward to your future as a mum if a very much wanted and loved child.

    Congrats on the donor being available, is the surrogate ready too? I really hope this is it for you. After all the pain and heartache you deserve happiness xx

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  17. #1019
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    You girls are just awesome. Those heartbreaking, but strength to the core stories have made me cry. I just makes me say again that no-one understands this journey except those that have/ are going through it.

    I was already at a place where I was happy to move on to DE when our last OE attempt worked. Now when I look at her I think that what @gorgeousgeorge said is absolutely true. Our bub did not turn out to look anything like what I thought our child would. My DH has very strong features but the only thing she inherited (so far) is a slight tinge of DH's red hair. Genetics is such a random thing. Parenting is not. The way you raise a child will have so much more influence than genes. I think of 2 dear friends who are both very creative. One has parents who nurtured that trait. The other had parents who tried to suppress it. Neither ended up working in a creative field but one has used their talents to complement their job while the other resents how her life turned out and dreams of what might have been. Nature/ nurture. The talent might be genetic but what that has meant in their life is much more about their upbringing.

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  19. #1020
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    - @gorgeousgeorge A frucking awesome post Luv!!!!

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