So a bit of background first -
Back in 2011 when I was 21 my now ex husband and I found out he was infertile and thus begun ivf using donor sperm. In 2012 after numerous ivf cycles and 2 miscarriages I had a batch of 7 embryos frozen. Jan 2013 I had 2 put back in. Fell pregnant with twins and sadly lost one but now have beautiful 3 year old son.
Fast forward to Feb of this year and we decide to implant 1 embryo to try for baby number 2. Low and behold it works first go.
7 weeks into this pregnant ex husband decides he wants out - he leaves us (long story short anyway!).
So here I am at 30 weeks pregnant with baby boy number 2, full time single mum with 100% care. Live in a different state to ex and he has visited DS once all year.
We have 3 frozen embryos left in storage.
And here is where lies the big issue. Our 3 remaining embryos. They have no genetic link to him but I went through hell and back to get them. He has said *for now* he's happy for me to keep them. He said in the future if I want to use them I can but he would want to be their father. Fair enough I agree to that, he did go through the IVF with me. HOWEVER he said that if he is in a relationship down the track then he might not feel this way anymore. Which I also get. I know there would be very few women wanting their partner to have kids with their ex.
But where does this leave me? Do I pay thousands to keep the embryos frozen for a few more years in hopes he won't enter a new relationship?
It would absolutely kill me to destroy those embryos. I know what they can turn into. They are my babies possible siblings. Morally I would feel wrong for the rest of my life.
There are soooo many issues to address here and I know a lot of people will say seek legal advice but I just can't afford that right now (we will both have to before I can use them anyway but right at this point of time it isn't feasible and I won't be using them until I'm financially well off anyway).
My head is so jumbled at what to do. As is ex husbands.
I hope all this makes sense. Any advice please?!?!
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31-08-2016 13:54 #1Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2016
What would you do? Help with one of the biggest descion I'll ever have to make
31-08-2016 15:56 #2Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2015
Could you both agree to share the cost of storing them for now?
Actually firstly check with your clinic as to what you put on the consent forms as to what will happen in case is separation.
My understanding is you will both have to agree for you to use them now you are no longer together.
31-08-2016 18:31 #3
I agree you should share cost of storage for the interim. You must have so many other emotions going on right now, so deciding if you want more children from these embryos would be too much to handle. I say store for now, and let life unfold for a while. Things will work out just the way the are supposed to.
I absolutely understand your struggle with having leftover embryos as this is something I have always worried about despite not having any to freeze. I'm sure you know your other options like donation to an infertile couple or donation for science. But right now, just let the freeze and work out the rest later.
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