I think, or should I say I 'hope' that the reason they're staying in alternate accommodation is because they realise that you will have a newborn and all that goes with that.
So to that end, hopefully when they do come around to your place, they will help (I know you stated earlier they're not known for that) but maybe when they see the baby and all the hustle and bustle of the festive season they may change their tune. Even if they entertain your other kids, it may help ease the load.
(((Hugs))) none of us can tell you how you will feel/cope, or what you can handle only you know that, but I'm sure most of us can empathise with situations that may cause great anxiety beforehand.
I do think it's a little odd they didn't at least ask what YOUR Christmas plans if any, were.
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31-08-2016 22:22 #41
What are your thoughts on this?
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01-09-2016 05:56 #42
My ILs do this to us all the time. But they stay at our house. When i was preg with my first we lived in a tiny 2 bed apartment and they booked flights for the day after my due date to stay with us for 2 weeks and told us after it was booked. Fortunately my DS came a month early! When they came it was horrible though, we were still learning to BF and they weren't helpful (would only help with the baby but there wasn't much they could do!) so I was cooking and cleaning and washing for them as well. With our second Bub DH told them they couldn't come until a month after my due date and it was much better.
I completely understand how you feel about it all, but I also think it's great that they have their own place to stay! Your DH will need to set boundaries on their visits before they arrive so it is clear. I don't think it's that weird that they are coming for Christmas to see their new grandchild though, and even though I get how you are feeling I think you will just have to try and make the best of it.
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01-09-2016 06:44 #43
After reading all your replies and sleeping on it, I've decided to go with it, just be open and honest about what we can provide on the day, and embrace the positive side of it all. If we are honest and then they are disappointed, really it's their problem and I can't help that.
The positives are our kids will have visitors on the day (we don't have any other family nearby - it would have been just us this Christmas), that rather than put myself in the position of entertaining others, I can let everybody else handle it (for better or worse) and enjoy a good rest, and just join them for a meal. If it's just hubby having to cook and clean it all, well, so be it and he knows that's what he's up for! He's very used to these situations with his parents. Another positive being he is *firmly* on my/our side of needing rest and support.
We're going to phone them today, and just spell out, you're welcome to join us, however we can't provide a feast, it'll be a very low hey day and just a regular lunch (and we'd love you to contribute!), the kids would love to see them, and that I will be spending much of the day resting and breastfeeding our new LO.
(And it will be great to have the LO as an excuse to skive off the bedroom whenever it's all too much).
01-09-2016 06:55 #44
If it were me, the part that would infuriate me is that they expect to be catered for on Christmas Day. It'll be your first Christmas with your new baby and personally if it were me I wouldn't want that shared with relatives that I'm not even close to.
Having a 4 week old baby wouldn't be an issue otherwise, for me. With both my kids I had major cabin fever by two weeks and had to go for walks every day to get out for some exercise. Everyone is different I guess, but no way am I staying in bed all day with a 4 week old baby! I'd be up all night feeling restless and so would bub I'd imagine. They need fresh air too.
If I were you I'd carry on with your plans and if the relatives fit into that, all well and good. If not, serves them right for booking it all without talking to you guys.
01-09-2016 07:56 #45
I've had two babies between 1-2 weeks before xmas. Our family expect us to spend xmas over 3 days between the 2 families. I was happy to attend xmas events, but absolutely refused to host anything or even contribute with cooking in any way, lol. I just said 'expect us to show up when we show up, and leave when we leave.' Everyone was ok with it (...to our faces ) & I just took myself off to a quiet room to feed if needed. I think everyonr has a different level of what they are comfortable with, & if you arent comfortable with it, that's your decision. Especially if the family relationship can be a little strained already. You and baby are the only thing you need to be concerned about.
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01-09-2016 08:21 #46
Ahh, so it's your ILs. I assumed from your earlier posts that they were maybe more distant relatives.
Knowing that, I would have them over for breakfast and presents, then go to a park for a picnic lunch. That way it's low key, they get to spend the day with you all, and you could even stay home with bub for the picnic and get some rest while the house is quiet.
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01-09-2016 23:11 #47Senior Member
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- Feb 2016
In your situation (having a newborn) I would be very annoyed. If they are there are helping that's one thing but they're not. Just plain rude! I would be suggesting to them to get a cabin or something.
02-09-2016 04:17 #48Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
What are your thoughts on this?
[QUOTE=BornToBe;8557444]Interstate (family) guests visiting Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Didn't discuss with us first, just bought the flights and booked accommodation.
I am due to give birth November 22nd (so will have a 4 week old baby).
Feeling stressed about it. Am I over reacting? How will I cater to people on the day - I'll want to be in bed for most of it! Should hubby just do it all? Should we tell them to bugger off? Should I relax and just let it happen however it happens.
Do other people's families ever just announce they are coming without discussing it? We are close but not super close with a definite rocky history of disagreements and fights. They are not the type to help in any way, wash up, play with the kids or suggest contributing to preparing the meal.[/
Last edited by Fauvette; 02-09-2016 at 04:21.
02-09-2016 07:17 #49
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