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31-08-2016 17:23 #31
31-08-2016 17:52 #32Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
What are your thoughts on this?
Meh, tell them to cook you a Christmas banquet!
If they don't often see their grandchildren and are up to meet the new addition then the least they can do is offer to cook & help out!!!
Fingers crossed for you op!
Eta: drop hints to dh that he tells them that he expects them to help!
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31-08-2016 18:26 #33
I would tell them to bugger off personally. I wouldn't accept uninvited guests over. I'm not big on having people over so would tell them we were having a quiet Christmas.
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31-08-2016 18:43 #34Junior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2015
If it were my in-laws I would get my husband to contact them in advance and sort things out. Something along the lines of, 'we need to talk about what we can do while you are in the area because I'll want (you) and new Bub to have lots of time to bond and catch up on rest. Let me know what you want to do while you are here and the older kids and I can meet up with you. Christmas plans may have to be a last minute call so we can see how the family is coping - we might play that one by ear but the older kids will love spending some time with you'
Not only do you steer it away from home activities, your kids spend time with relatives who could be timely babysitters and you are leaving the messenger to a third person who is also a relation - so much easier and it is then clear it is out of care and respect for you. This time is precious so do things your way.
My Bub was born two weeks before Christmas last year and I requested two events be at my house because I knew I wouldn't be up to going out and we kept catering simple and numbers small. Grace and I went off to the bedrooms whenever we needed and family had to fend for themselves
31-08-2016 18:58 #35
my family all live interstate and there's no way in hell if be ok with them just booking a trip without checking with us first. never mind if I was giving birth/just had a newborn!
you're not overreacting at all. what they're doing is completely rude. make sure you and your dh stand your ground and tell them no way!
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31-08-2016 19:33 #36
I can see how it could be stressful, but I can also see how they would be excited to spend xmas with the new baby. Why can't your husband do the Christmas Day prep? And if they want to spend lots of time with your family, that's grand- DH and the older kids can go out for the days with them while you stay home and rest up with your new bub.
31-08-2016 19:56 #37
I would think about your ideal situation and then offer that.
Remember "No" is a complete sentence and you don't owe explanation or flexibility when someone has just imposed themselves.
If your ideal situation is to see them out for lunch on a day they're here, offer that.
If it's your place on Xmas day for a meal, then offer that.
It's rude to plant yourself at someone's house for Xmas without discussing it with them first.
It's rude to assume you're welcome or wanted at such a time.
Work out what, if anything you're prepared to accommodate with these family members and offer that, no more.
You don't owe an explanation and I guess if you try they'll have an answer to counteract it.
There's many reasons why this may not work for you and all of them are valid, because they're YOUR reasons.
31-08-2016 20:07 #38
Do you have any other family? Why don't they host Christmas?
If there is another family member who can host Christmas then I think perhaps it is an over reaction, however if you don't have family locally then I can see why you would be stressed and not wanting to deal with them and I would set their expectations low, get your DH to cooks BBQ, get some pre-made salads and some bread and nibbles and a pavlova ready made base and Christmas cake for desert and use plastic plates and cutlery. Basically do what ever is easiest, who cares what they think of your efforts, they didn't care about you when they booked without asking.
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31-08-2016 20:55 #39-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Hey OP - first thing it's your hubby parents so it's up to him to sort out a solution that you and he are comfortable with.
Secondly - it ****es me off when people book visits without checking first, even when newborns aren't involved. Add a newborn to the mix and I'm like extra ****ed off. I have a "no overnights visitors before 6 weeks" rule with newborns - and I have made family change their travel plans to meet with that timeframe.
If I was in your situation my ****ed-off ness would be reduced *slightly* as the inlaws had booked accommodation and didn't expect to stay in my house. They may have been more focused on the fact that it was Christmas (they might thought it would be a good time to meet new bub and spend Christmas with your other kids etc).
If it were me I would have hubby manage their expectations. You won't be available to hang with them a lot of the time. And either will bub (they would need to have vaccinations for cuddles). And I wouldn't be hosting Christmas at my house even if I didn't have to do anything on the day (inlaws under my feet, having to stress about cleaning the house beforehand etc no thanks). I would tell hubby to book a family lunch at the local club.
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31-08-2016 21:12 #40
Make sure they have their whooping cough vaccinations too. Maybe that will put them off
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