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  1. #1
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    Default What are your thoughts on this?

    Interstate (family) guests visiting Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Didn't discuss with us first, just bought the flights and booked accommodation.

    I am due to give birth November 22nd (so will have a 4 week old baby).

    Feeling stressed about it. Am I over reacting? How will I cater to people on the day - I'll want to be in bed for most of it! Should hubby just do it all? Should we tell them to bugger off? Should I relax and just let it happen however it happens.

    Do other people's families ever just announce they are coming without discussing it? We are close but not super close with a definite rocky history of disagreements and fights. They are not the type to help in any way, wash up, play with the kids or suggest contributing to preparing the meal.

  2. #2
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    I think it's pretty rude to invite yourself for Christmas, let alone with a newborn. I'd be stressed too.
    How close are they? Can you tell them that if they come, they can organise and prep Christmas meals (they could do a woolworths click and collect or delivery for food), because you won't be up to it?

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    BornToBe  (31-08-2016)

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    You are not over reacting. I would be furious.

    My SIL, who we have away a had a rubbish relationship with tried to do similar. She atleast informed me she was booking fights to come to stay for 2 weeks.

    We didn't have a good relationship then and wouldn't even go to lunch with them let alone have them stay in our home for 2 weeks so I told her it wasn't a good time and not to book- something along those lines.

    Of course, because I said no we were slagged off to the entire family. Even though I was very polite and she was the one rudely tying to bag some free accomodation!

    So yes I would be furious, especially with a newborn and at Xmas.

    Tell them they have to stay somewhere else?

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    BornToBe  (31-08-2016)

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    This is my worst nightmare. I would be so angry and stressed so I don't think you're being unreasonable. We normally have family for a roast Xmas eve and I've said no this year because my Bub will be about 8 weeks old.
    At least they aren't staying in your house!
    I would be putting my foot down and refusing to cook. Tell them if they want a Christmas meal they can organize it themselves.I'm also a total jerk and hate people cooking in my kitchen so I'd say no to that too.
    Could you suggest a cold lunch where the guests bring everything and you eat off paper plates?
    Or have them around for brekkie & make your DH cook everything on the BBQ, again eat off paper plates? Could be nice to do the present opening all together.
    Could you book lunch somewhere? Then at least you just have to be out for a couple of hours then you can go home to a clean house and go to bed.
    Probably best not to stress too much. Just put your foot down about how much you're willing to do.

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    BornToBe  (31-08-2016)

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    Oh sorry just re read, atleast they're staying somewhere else?

    You'll just have to get hubby to limit the amount of time they can spend at yours. Maybe even go out for Xmas lunch?

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    Yes just to clarify, they will not be staying here. Close family do stay with us, frequently, but not these peeps.

    So they will be staying in the very close vicinity and their basic plan will be to visit with us as much as possible. From past experience, they will expect us to be available all the time (and we have had conflict in the past when this expectation was not met...).

    So that's why I was thinking, am I overreacting? My main stress point is I'll have a 4 week old baby. I won't be up and about and cooking and hosting - and I fear they expect that.

    Love the suggestion of breakfast by the way - will talk that one over with hubby.

    Going out for lunch, it appeals on one level, in that I can get it done and go home and rest. On the other hand, going out to a super packed venue, breastfeeding a newbie, being exhausted, with two other littlies to manage... not sure.

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    Not over reacting. But I am a private person.

    I would not cater to them. Tbh unless we were super close I would not invite them over. Have a restful time with your family.

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    BornToBe  (31-08-2016)

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    I would feel stressed too - what an odd thing to do without discussing with you first

    I would suggest letting them know straight up that you are having a *very* low key Christmas due to having a newborn in the house. Set the boundaries by inviting them for only part of the day (breakfast is a great idea). Let them know your DH will need some help with food preparation and cleaning up because you'll be glued to your newborn all day.

    What kind of accommodation have they booked? Would it be appropriate for them to host Xmas day there? Just a thought.

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    BornToBe  (31-08-2016)

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    I would actually be ok with it.. You said they booked accommodation, so they're not staying with you. I'd be fine with catering for a few extra at Christmas. I'd love that I was able to have 100% control over it, as I was in my own home. You can control your menu, make it as easy or difficult as you like, control decorations, or lack there of. Do the entire day your way, at your own pace, according to how you feel at the time..

    Also, after my dd2 was born, I felt great a few days after. I had a birthday party for dd1 at home when dd2 was about 3 1/2 weeks old. It was all great!

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  17. #10
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    Wouldn't phase me as they are not staying in my home. I'd be going about my business as usual and if I had time to organise something with them then I would otherwise they could suggest something and organise it.

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