As tricky as it is I think you looking at his Facebook is a lesser betrayal than him chatting to this girl that previously nearly ended your relationship. I think you are within your rights to question him about staying in the same house as her, did it come up at all when the trip was planned?
Obviously having a baby on the way doesn't make ending it all an easy and obvious choice, but you need to be open and honest with him about the way this is making you feel, communication is key.
I don't think the trip is worth the strain this could put on you, even if he goes and there is no evidence of anything happening will you still always wonder? If the answer is yes he shouldn't go....
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29-08-2016 22:11 #11
29-08-2016 22:17 #12
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30-08-2016 03:23 #13Member
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- Sep 2015
Where I come from, 10 years isn't a big deal either but this behaviour started when the girl was 15 so it would be considered 'grooming' and would fall into a category of pediphilia where the perpetrator has a preference for girls who are perhaps physically matured but not legally available- which is part of the 'turn on'.
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30-08-2016 04:42 #14-
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- Apr 2012
Stressing partner will cheat
Hun you need to take a deep breath and recalibrate your own views on what is acceptable behavior, what makes a good partner, and what makes someone ready to be a good father.
Is there someone you know in real life who you would feel comfortable talking to about this? They might be able to help you see what's going on and provide insight to the path that your hubby (and your own) choices are leading you down.
Keep strong, the future path is absolutely within your control now.
30-08-2016 05:28 #15
He is married and having sexually explicit conversations with a young girl. He has told her he can't have sex with her until she is older.
Everything about this screams predator to me. Not to mention totally inappropriate given his marital status.
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30-08-2016 05:38 #16
Ignoring age it's disrespectful to you and to his mate ( and now her boyfriend )
30-08-2016 06:19 #17Junior Member
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- Jun 2016
Thank you I have read through every single reply. I'll just say that when I did find the messages while she was 15, it wasn't just a quick fight before we made up. I left him for a few weeks and really make him understand that even though she dressed/ acted much older and talked openly about sex that she was still immture and underage and that he could have landed in so much more trouble that what I was dishing out. I didn't just brush it off. From photos I saw on her facebook I thought she was early 20s.
Part of my reason for allowing him back to that house is because i was told by the mate that the girl is in a relationship and living with her boyfriend. She had someone paying her the attention she seemed desperate for. There is no way I would let him back otherwise.
I rang my partner last night and told him I'm worried and had a bad feeling that something will happen. He reassured me he would never do that to me again and that he had only seen her once so far at a family bbq on the first night and she was too scared to talk to him.
This morning when I checked the messages there were multiple from her asking what hes upto, why they dont talk anymore, why hes ignoring her. His only reply was "I asked you to please stop messaging me. STOP". Her name is now Facebook User so Im assuming one of them has now blocked the other.
Edited to add: On another note, at 17 I was living out of home supporting myself with two jobs while going to uni. I would never has thrown myself at older taken men. I didn't see myself as a kid anymore and I definitely don't see her as a kid at the moment. Hell, when I was 13 I even knew the difference between right and wrong. So I do place some of the blame on her. Especially this time round when he is obviously ignoring her and she is hounding him for attention. If he was seeking out younger girls to chat them up then I would never have forgiven him. Not trying to defend my partner but if he didn't have a girl telling him how much she wanted him and was desperately trying to seduce him then I know that he wouldn't have gotten in this situation himself.
Last edited by Happyhaps; 30-08-2016 at 07:47.
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30-08-2016 08:28 #18
Hi op im glad you've talked it over and he has put your mind at ease.
I hope you've made the right decision for your little family, and you can all walk a happy path together
Maybe in the near future, you can have a chat with him about what is appropriate / inappropriate behaviour in your relationship and what you both expect so you're both on the same page. ..and i hope he would take you seriously and the conversion on board.
I know you love him, but please don't lay all of the blame on her. Yes she's seeking attention and its inappropriate, and she's being provocative. Yes she would know what she's doing. She would know its wrong....but... your oh did engage in this also.
He should know it's wrong. He's an adult....and *if* It had gone further, he could have faced meeting his child for the first time ever, through a glass pannel or in a prison visiting room, surrounded by other criminals....what a memory to share with them when they're older.....
I mean, that's if you're ok with taking your baby into a prison or if you would have wanted to see him there?
Sorry if it sounds harsh but his actions could have led to this potential outcome....and i don't think he realises just how serious his actions really are. He should have not engaged with her at all the first time, and then completely cut all contact with her after last time, and just blocked every attempt at future contact routinely.
But hopefully your calling him has helped him realise it's not worth it.
Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy. I hope he gives your back a massage, and brings you chocolates and flowers for the stress he's causing you when he gets home
Last edited by shadowangel0205; 30-08-2016 at 08:32.
30-08-2016 08:44 #19
30-08-2016 08:56 #20
When does she turn 18?
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