Struggling

[sparklmum]

Hi I am new here and finding life a real struggle.
My husband is really hard on me all the time, I get zero affection it's all just business. For example today Sunday morning I get an email from him telling me we prob can't afford tennis lessons for our DD10 it's around $15 per lesson so not a lot really. He has a high paying corporate job and up until this year both our DDs did plenty of activities but this year he has been so hard on me re car trips, kids activities etc we never go out for dinner or get take away or outings for the family anymore. Now Sunday morning is for coffee reading the paper relaxing with family & friends trying to distress for one day. But my husband sends me email like you can't expect us to afford lessons for tennis it's too much - when both girls only do one thing - on a Sunday - he sends me expense emails every few days questioning all spending it's exhausting.
Right then on top of this dealing with a very rude DD13 who keeps telling me to leave her Dad as she hates him? He is very strict and doesn't really spend time with her - he doesn't like her and she knows it. I have worked really hard to keep her on the right track with school etc as she was very ill last year.
She had a one day suspension last week which I didn't tell her father as I was worried about how he would react as he is very controlling.
Now she threatens me that she will tell him if I don't do what she wants. I stood my ground but finding her exhausting!
I am also coping with my Parents - my Dad who is very ill so cannot drive so I take him to all his appointments which is multiple every week plus doing all there shopping it's all taking its toll on me. I am finding myself getting really down with no siblings or friends to talk to it's getting on top of me. Feel like I am having a break down.

[clbj]

That all sounds horribly draining, and I'm not surprised you are feeling completely over it all. I have no useful advice, just a big electronic hug for you from a stranger. I'm in a bit of a slump too. I wish I could say or do more to help. Here's hoping tomorrow is a new and brighter day for both of us

[Kaybaby]

Sounds like you are really having a hard time. Big hugs xx
Sounds like your husband is a bit controlling? Does he ask for you input in financial decisions? Do you know your family's financial position? Why is he emailing you and not talking to you? Is all this a recent thing?
It's pretty unusual for a child to actively hate their parent - this, along with the financial stuff, poor communication etc is ringing alarm bells for me.
Have you had a conversation with your husband about how all this is making you feel?

[monnie24]

Is there a reason why your daughter hates him?

Is this a new marriage. Is it her biological?

Maybe she can feel/sense your unhappiness. And wants you to leave. Do u do anything apart from SAHM? (I'm not saying you should I'm just asking).

He sounds controlling. And that's not ok. Where does he live or does he just work a lot. I would lie if he keeps kicking up a stink and pretend you spend extra on food shopping if he can't come to an agreement if he's already cut everyrhing back. Are u sure he's really at work if he's scaled things back? Maybe call his work jic. You never know. Hope your ok and your dad too xxx

[SuperGranny]

huge hugs. Your post is giving me grave concerns. Has he always been like this or is it a new behaviour.? Has there been some changes in his workplace that has caused him to become so anxious and controlling. ?? I worry that your daughter might be going to really do something upsetting if she is getting so forceful about you leaving him. I think you need to contact some professional guidance people. Relationships Australia, or some sort. I think you have two quite determined people and you are going to be in the middle. Hugs, marie

[clbj]

How are you going today? I had a realisation that my own circumstances have more parallels to yours than I imagined. Not as bad as yours, but I understand what it feels like when you are being worn down and it feels like you can't catch a break with any aspect of your life. How it all creeps up on you, and you wake up one moment thinking how the hell did I get myself here? Hugs.

[sparklmum]

Thanks for all the replies it's nice not to feel so alone.
Not doing to good today as hubby being all nice to me so I will agree to stay as I have told him I think we should split.
I don't know if I can trust him anymore as he has a bad temper over little things and you never know when he will blow up.
I am at a crossroads today trying to decide should I stay for stability of my kids and live with the negativity or go and have peace?

[besha]

I've never been in your situation but as someone who works with kids I'll tell you this: when parents separate, it can be tough on kids. But they deal with it and get used to a new normal. And some kids are happy when their parents split because the fighting stops. It's much worse for them living in a toxic environment where their parents don't get along/don't communicate and/or fight all the time. Don't stay for stability's sake. If you decide to stay, stay because it's what you truly want. If you aren't happy, the fights will continue and home will be anything but stable for your kids. They pick up on more than you think and will often know if things aren't right, even if you try to put on a happy front.

Equally - if you leave, do it because it's what you want, not what your daughter wants. But if you do leave, try your best to keep things civil with your husband around the kids so they don't feel like they are caught in the middle or forced to take sides.

Good luck - it's a tough situation to navigate and I wish you the best with your decision x

[sparklmum]

Thanks Besha it's a tough one thanks for your help - lot to think about x