My once beautiful, mostly compliant dd1 has over the past month turned into a turd. I see rare glimpses of the gorgeous girl she was but it's becoming longer between windows.
Talking back, whining, epic TANTRUMS (which she never used to do), telling dh to go away and being nasty to dd2.
We are at a loss how we should handle it. I do take her iPad away for the day but when she continues I've got nothing else. And it also punishes me in a way as then I can't use it to keep her quiet I've tried time outs but she just screams and screams.
I'm assuming this behaviour and phase is normal. And she's picked up a few choice words from daycare. What do you do? Time outs? Reward charts? Take things away?
I feel I spend all day yelling and picking on her but her attitude just stinks at the moment.
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22-08-2016 07:17 #1
How do you discipline a 3yo?
Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 22-08-2016 at 07:21.
22-08-2016 07:23 #2
I don't. I just say we don't do that and distract. They are so little at 3 they just don't understand why the iPad is gone for a day. I would put it on the fridge and count to 20 and then give it back for example. The punishment needs to be short and sweet.
22-08-2016 07:33 #3
She IS extra awful and rude to dh.
It's causing issues between dh and I.
Dd1 did have an ear infection a little while ago.... Could it be possible this can cause her crappy behaviour?
Right now I'm trying to put dd2 to bed and she's screaming at me to fetch her some food (rudely) that she is perfectly capable of getting herself. Just so so over it.
22-08-2016 07:41 #4
How do you discipline a 3yo?
She's so little still and I think sometimes our expectations are too high.
DS2 is almost 4 and we've been dealing with epic tantrums, throwing things, super demanding without P's & Q's, etc so I feel your pain! For DS2 there is a short immediate repercussion - so the toy he just threw gets picked up and goes in the cupboard. Once he settles he can have it back. If he yells at me demanding something I tell him we do t talk to each other like that and I can't hear him. I tell him if he asks me nicely I will help him.
I also use a lot of distraction and redirection. I give effusive praise for the good behaviour every time it happens and also blatantly ignore some poor behaviour.
I suspect all of this about to get exponentially harder with the birth of DS3 and when everyone who's helping, including DH, go back to their lives 😬
Last edited by binnielici; 22-08-2016 at 10:07.
22-08-2016 07:45 #5Senior Member
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- Jan 2016
He needs to try and ignore it it's not personal my hubby struggles when our dd is like this. It is a stage however it seems to be back with my daughter who is 4 now. Just try to be consistent with punishment and she will get there eventually. Lately if my dd is completely refusing to do anything like put her shoes on she screams at me no or refuses to answer me I have resorted to saying if she won't respond or behave like a polite human she can go outside with the dog I warn her a few times then pick her up and put her outside and lock the door I've only had to do it twice the threat is enough now. Going to the naughty corner wasn't working any more. Sounds horrible I know but when you are at your wits end and sick of yelling I figure some time out literally away from each other is better good luck. An option for you is to give ngala a call for advice
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22-08-2016 08:02 #6
With things like a disrespectful attitude (talking back to mum, telling DH to go away etc) I think it's very important to always acknowledge that it's the wrong thing to do (just picture your child being older and saying the same things. It always reminds me how important it is to lay these ground rules NOW). Generally with my "very spirited" 3 year old just saying strongly/sharply, that is wrong, we don't talk like that to each other, blah blah boring lecture when repeated every time is enough to bore her out of a bad attitude.
A very important helpful part I've found also is to lavish the praise for good beahviour. So if we've been shopping, on an outing whatever and they've been perfect little angels, I tell them very strongly how much I *loved* their company and what a *pleasure* it was to be with them today.
Honestly that clear division of mum/dad are happy, mum/dad are unhappy with this behaviour really has made a difference, though it takes a while - a few months.
I am also not above using time out if a really aggressive tantrum is happening. I have myself, and other (very mild mannered) child to think about and we do not deserve to be screamed at and abused (no matter how small the offender). Yes, she just continues to scream but that's her choice. When she's all screamed out and feels better she joins the family. It works for us.
22-08-2016 08:29 #7
When our ds was 3 and dd was 6 months old i realise, looking back on it, that we expected too much from him. Be the big boy, don't do this, don't act like that, speak nicely, your in time out now! etc etc.
Now that dd is 3 with no younger siblings and ds is 5 i realise that we expected too much he was still just a baby at 3 not a big boy. Maybe try lowering your expectations. 3 year olds are just slightly larger babies that can talk. They don't understand consequences that go for more than a couple of minutes. She probably just feels confused. Consequence cuddle and then distract.
22-08-2016 09:57 #8
22-08-2016 10:12 #9
Hey love, I remember this tricky stage.
What worked for me best were natural consequences ie throw something? Lose it. Being violent? Have to sit alone for three minutes. Make a mess? Clean it up.
With the demanding and rudeness, I just ignore or say 'I can't hear little boys that don't speak nicely.' Tantrums I would sit near by but not touch, and just say 'you are feeling angry because xyz' and help him label his feelings. Then every now and then I'd say 'would you like a cuddle?' and eventually he would say yes.
This is of course on the days I wasn't losing my shiz at the tiny terrorist who can push my buttons so easily.
The phrase 'kill them with kindness' helps me too. Sometimes they're expressing a need that they don't know how to express, and I think it is important to remember that.
Good luck lovely x
22-08-2016 10:16 #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
How do you discipline a 3yo?
Time out for 3 minutes (for a 3yo, 4mins for a 4yo etc) worked really well for us. After that I sit with them, ask them to tell me 'why is mummy upset?' And usually they give me the correct answer. We then say sorry and give a kiss and a cuddle.
When my kids scream at me, I do my best to ignore it. After 10 mins of 100decibel screaming, they usually figure out that I'm not paying attention to them until they speak politely.
As for being extremely rude to dad, I would say how much it hurts his feelings that she's behaving that way. (Not trying to make them feel guilty but building empathy for others).
I don't try to punish, but I do think that at 3 (especially after 3.5) they're able to understand that manners go a long way.
Eta: I have 3 kids so I'm immune to screaming. But when it's your first, it's a lot harder to ignore.
Last edited by misho; 22-08-2016 at 10:19.
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