What you are feeling is normal. You have a child with him and spent 5 years with him.
You can do this. You were on your own anyway, he was never around physically or emotionally. Now you don't have to walk on egg shells trying to please him, like everything is your fault.
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20-08-2016 06:52 #41
Last edited by delirium; 20-08-2016 at 11:54.
20-08-2016 11:57 #42
Oh man today is hard... he wants to come get clothes and take nikolai with him til 5... but I habe a bad feeling
20-08-2016 12:06 #43
Tell him he can visit but you and the kids won't be there
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20-08-2016 12:08 #44
You no longer have to consider his feelings. He hasn't considered yours in a long time. Don't want him to take your son? Don't be around.
Get on those parenting orders ASAP. My friend lost her son for 6m because they didn't have orders
20-08-2016 12:09 #45
20-08-2016 12:11 #46Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2014
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20-08-2016 13:34 #47Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2014
I have recently been through a separation and i made no apologies for not handing the children over until a parenting plan was in place so that something could be done if he didn't return them. Funnily enough he hasn't gone ahead to initiate one so he still sees them with me there.
I know it's soooo tough but i can tell you that the energy i now have for my children is so liberating. It wasn't my choice to end the relationship either, but now i can see how much of my energy was going on being in a difficult relationship and i LOVE how simple life is now. When i go away to visit friends, i don't worry what I'm going home to. When I'm at playgroup etc with my children i am now really there and present instead of feeling sick about what is happening at home in my life. I have moved to a brand new town and am having no problem making more friends now than i made in the past ten years in my old town because i have the emotional space to make friendships and my life is so much more predictable. I can make plans with people and not have them interrupted by a drama in my relationship. I currently have 100 per cent care of 3 year old twins with no family or other support nearby so never having a break but it's truly easy now that the weight of the "unknown" isnt hanging over my head. It wasn't my choice to be alone and there are aspects that are hard but the ability to give my kids, and myself, the energy and care we deserve is a totally unexpected and very welcome positive. I hope you find the same.
Step through the process one day at a time and do what you can each day with centrelink, money, organisation etc. Some days it will be too hard to face and other days you will make leaps of progress to a new future, but you WILL get there. Don't focus on the long term and get worried, just let your pile of little steps grow until you realise you are miles ahead of where you thought you could get to. I tried to do one thing each day to move fwd. Sometimes it was packing one box and sometimes it was a big thing like organising finances. I have six monthly steps now so i allow myself plenty of time to make good decisions and prepare for what i need to do moving fwd, such as getting back into work. One step at a time but always taking at least one step helps. It works! Be kind to yourself. xo
Last edited by NAT2561; 20-08-2016 at 13:36.
24-08-2016 00:37 #48
28-08-2016 20:17 #49
Hey.. thanks everyone for caring xx
I am getting stronger and have been standing my ground.
I went out last night and accidently on purpose sent him a message I sent my friend to ask her what colour top... haha he replied and said I looked sexy and asked where I was going and who with.. he admitted to feeling jealous!
I ended up going back to a guys house and talking to him for hours
... nothing happened besides a hug when he dropped me home... it was just nice to feel a connection with someone
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29-08-2016 17:41 #50
Glad you're going ok. My advice: don't play games. Don't accidently text him. He's not stupid he knows you're trying to get his attention. If you really want to mess with his head you need to completely ignore him. Only answer questions about the kids that you need to. Bare basics
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