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  1. #1
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    Default Help - when should MIL visit?!

    Ok so DP and I are expecting our first in March 2017 (I have DD 6yrs from previous marriage).

    DP's mum lives in England. We have not met yet. She was due to come visit in November for our wedding but we are postponing due to bubs, so she is postponing her trip also.

    Question is - when should she postpone it to?!

    DP wants her to be here for the birth. I am hesitant because I feel like I won't want a house guest in the few weeks before and after bubs arrival. MIL can stay elsewhere for some of the time but will most likely be in town for a total of four weeks.

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    Speaking from my experience I would have hated having a houseguest in the first few weeks of having a baby, I mean my mum stayed with me but that was because DH had to be away and it's my mum, you have never met your MIL and the last thing you want is to have to spend your first weeks dealing with meeting her, hosting her and tending to a new born! Heck I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Hopefully being a mum (albeit a long time ago) she will have a bit of understanding and not want to encroach at that time.
    As to suggesting when, I think the easiest time so far was around 6 weeks? For me anyway, babe is still small and their sleep isn't terribly taxing, well not as bad as a 12 week old, but that's my opinion.

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    Also, she may end up being really helpful, you never know!

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    If she is willing to travel from the other side of the world on a long crappy flight (personal exp here many times) I wouldn't be saying to your dp yeah she came come over but she can't stay here. I would think that personally it's quite rude considering the length of travel and expense to get here and your DP may find it quite insulating aswell. My sister lives on the other side of the world and when she had her first child our mum went over for 6wks just before the birth and stayed with her. Although the 2 of them actually drive each other nuts all the time even when not being together my sister was grateful to have her as she had no idea about having a child at all and in the end was so happy our mum was there.

    If DP has other family here it might be different but you can't say she can stay here them when I'm ready she can come here it doesn't work like that with family

    If you haven't met her maybe you guys should be face timing or Skyping to get to know each other like that

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    Default Help - when should MIL visit?!

    App replayed 2x
    Last edited by babybeeno1; 11-08-2016 at 01:34.

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    I had both my bubs without family nearby. With my first (emergency CS) my mum rushed over so she could be there to help the day I got out of hospital. On a practical level it was good but it did impact on my parenting confidence (lots of well meaning advice making me doubt my instincts) and DH's bonding (not much chance for dadda cuddles when doting nanna is swooping in all the time).

    2nd time around we ensured we had a few days of just the 4 of us, especially so big sis could bond with bub (she was 5.5). I had another EMCS birth but it forced DH to step up more with helping, which in turn helped him to bond more. Ideally I would have liked 1-2 weeks without any house guests, then happy to have help around as the baby bliss has worn off and the tiredness sets in.

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    Hmm it's a tricky one. I can see why your DP would want his mum here for baby's arrival but I wouldn't want anyone staying in my house in the weeks before/after having a baby. For my second, my mum came to stay to help with my DD so we'd have someone to look after her when I went into labour. While it was nice having the help, it was also really hard having her there. She got snippy about the way we did things and when I went overdue, I felt pressured to get things going as she got impatient. If I was to do it again, I wouldn't want her staying with us for that long at that time.

    If your MIL is super helpful and respectful of the way you do things, then it might be good having her around to help out. But given you have never met, and I assume your DD has never met her, it might be worth delaying her visit until bub is a month or so old? That will also give your DD time to bond with her new sibling without a virtual stranger in the house.

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    Default Help - when should MIL visit?!

    We lived with my in-laws when DS was born, which had ups and downs. It was awesome to have someone make dinner every night, and MIL would often walk DS around the garden if he wouldn't settle giving me some time to breathe. My biggest gripe was not being in my own home, so I felt I couldn't fully relax.

    It's hard since you've not met her, so I guess what does your gut tell you? Is DP the type of guy to tell him mum to back off if needed?

    On one hand you have to respect him wanting his mum there (which is really lovely btw), and the other you need to feel comfortable. Perhaps she could stay elsewhere weeks 1 & 2?

    Funny enough, we'll be living with my mum when our second is born (we have a knack for timing moves & having kids) and I expect it will be better, but not great either. My step dad is great, but I think it will be awks with him there.

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    @fmb you have 2 or 3 threads going on the same thing maybe ask a mod to merge them into 1 place! I think there was an issue on BH last night as there seemed to be a lot of duplicate posts happening.

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    Honestly I would hate a MIL who I never met visiting for the birth and just after. Also keep in mind if she is vaccinated for whooping cough if she is visiting within the first 6-8 weeks.

    I would suggest waiting at least 6-8 weeks. You and your DP have to bond with baby.

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