I've never really liked kids but knew I'd always want them at some stage.
DH always said he would wait until he was ready to have kids before he proposed. He's quite traditional like that.
So after 7 years together we got engaged, married 1 year later, off the pill after our honeymoon and 2 months later UTD. I felt ready then and was very excited to have a baby - I had NO idea what was ahead of me - NONE!
Then I became a mother and realised I wasn't ready. I don't think I'll ever be 'ready' but I'm doing it now because I have to.
When DD was in that lovely 14-24 month old age we thought we would go for number 2 - really just to give her a sibling - not a true desire for another or being ready. At that stage I had no idea how bad terrible 2's, threenager and f*ing fours would be, but I was UTD with #2 before that all happened.
We are both happy to stop at 2. Get this awful pre-school phase out of the way and hopefully things get better.
You'll never truly know if you *are* ready, you may never truly ever *be* ready, but my best advice is research what it takes to have kids, read through the parenting sections of Bub Hub. Find a friend or family member with children and spend a few days with them, read some parenting books (What to expect the firs year is a good one). Try as much as you can to understand what life as a parent is really like.
Make sure you've achieved all (or most) of what you set out to achieve in life before embarking on becoming a parent.
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10-08-2016 19:49 #11
10-08-2016 20:03 #12Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2016
My husband and I always said a baby by 30 would be great but when we were engaged (at 28) we were still toing and froing over when to start TTC. We were surprised to find out we were already pregnant 4 days after our wedding which took the decision out of our hands and although it was a huge shock we're super excited and really happy and grateful it happened the way it did.
10-08-2016 20:06 #13
I never wanted kids and was really open about it.
Then I met DH when i was 32.
We discussed it and made the conscious decision to TTC. Pregnant first month.
Now DS is nearly 2 and we've just started TTC again.
Although after reading @A-Squared post, I might reconsider !!!
10-08-2016 20:17 #14
I didn't know it at the time but I think I was ready around 31/32. I wasn't actively aware, but I started to get quite jealous when those around me were falling pregnant. I remember some friends if dh's announced their pregnancy and I started crying. we were engaged but not married yet. I think that's when I started to feel like hey, when's my turn. before that, I wasn't interested at all. I didn't meet my dh til I was 29 anyway so definitely wasn't in the baby making headspace.
re a second...it depends on which day you ask me. last night I was asking dh when can we make another one. today, in the context of a very cranky and unwell ds, I'm beginning to think maybe one is enough
I'm 36 so in all seriousness, a second hopefully isn't far off. I want to be done by 38 (we only want 2)
10-08-2016 20:24 #15Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
I'm another in the camp of not being ready. I don't think I ever would have felt really ready. I had been married and divorced in my 20s then met my DH in my late 20s and married again at 29. We had a fantastic few years together awesome travels and major plans for a child free life doing humanitarian work. But there was a feeling that i would regret not trying to have a baby.
We had to have ivf to get pregnant and after 2 years of treatment I got pregnant at 32 and had my DD last year when I was 33. DH was 40. So it was very very well planned but even on the day of my successful frozen embryo transfer I was asking DH as we walked in if we were doing the right thing and we could back out he said well we're here now. All through our treatment I was so conflicted about it actually working. Sometimes I hoped it wouldn't so I could say hand on heart we tried but it didn't work. I cried when I found out it worked. Because I was terrified. A feeling which intensified during pregnancy. Then I had my DD 13 months ago and I love her to bits. More than I thought humanly possible. BUT this has been so much harder than I anticipated (and I always thought quite negatively about having kids). She makes me laugh every day and she's sweet and adorable. But f!$* me it's hard. We are fairly resolute (99.999999% sure) that we will not be having another child and are happy as our little trio.
Sorry for the downer! It's hard but I wouldn't change it I'm so glad we have our little mate despite the challenges
10-08-2016 20:27 #16
The Following User Says Thank You to A-Squared For This Useful Post:
10-08-2016 20:58 #17
I had been ready for ages. I really wanted to be done with baby making by my early 30s.
Met DP when I was 21 and she was 24. We were both pretty eager for babies so about 2 years later we got the ball rolling and I fell pregnant on our fourth attempt (3 IUIs, then conceived with IVF). DS was born when I was 24.
We both want a large family, hoped for a 2 year age gap and taking turns with pregnancies, but dp miscarried last year so we switched back to me and I'm now 31 weeks with our second. I turned 27 in June.
I honestly can say I've never once wondered what we were doing, if we were ready, what it would be like if we had waited... This is just how it was meant to be for us.
10-08-2016 21:27 #18
DH and I met at 18 and got married at 22. Fairly quickly I wanted a baby but DH wasn't ready. Then I had a breast cancer scare, then shortly after an ovarian torsion where I nearly lost my ovary. In the hospital DH told me he was ready...we had DS at 25
I had severe post natal depression and psychosis and it took a while for me to feel ready for number 2. Then when I was ready we found I had fertility issues and needed treatment. After what felt like forever I fell pregnant with DD at 29.
After a horrendous pregnancy we are both well and truly done. Although it's highly unlikely I would fall pregnant I got the mirena
10-08-2016 23:14 #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2013
I've been ready for kids since I was about 25. I wanted to start trying as soon as DH and I were married but it took about three years before he was ready to start and even then he wasn't 100% onboard...I think he was just sick of me nagging! Anyway then enter fertility issues and it took another two years before I fell pregnant and I finally gave birth last year when I was 31. I was well and truly ready by that point!!
As for number two...I want a second because I want DD to have a sibling, but I don't really have the urge for a second kid yet. I love being a family of three, DD is divine and at this point, I don't feel like we are incomplete or missing anyone from our family. But at the same time, if I do have two, I don't want a big age gap either so we might start trying again around the end of the year, after DD turns one. It'll have to be IVF again, we have four embryos in the freezer so hopefully one of them works. But if they don't I'm not sure that I will want to keep trying. It's funny, before TTC I wanted four kids - now there's no way!!
10-08-2016 23:26 #20
If I followed a traditional path, I would have had kids in my 20s..I've always been very maternal. I was married at 24 and a number of my friends were getting married as well.
Then DH went back to uni so no ttc. Then I wanted to live overseas for a minimum of 2 years so no ttc. Then we came home to a mortgage and no jobs so no ttc (feeling VERY itchy at this time) then my job had a2 yr probation so I've been waiting and now we're ttc!!!!!
Hubby seemed fully ready about 6 months ago, but that's probably because we'd hit all our goals and 2016 was the year!!! FX!!!
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