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  1. #1
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    Default Unplanned Pregnancy ** Trigger Warning**

    Hello, (mods please more if this needs to be in another section)

    This is a very sensitive topic, and I have been crying for the last week about it so please don't judge me or give me any negative responses, I just don't have the emotional capacity for it at the moment, I'm broken enough


    After 6 rounds of IVF I am very lucky to have 2 boys 3.5 and 1. DH 41 me - 38


    I have post natal depression and am in the middle of changing medication. I'm not suicidal but do wish someone would kill me, I have turned into a very angry mummy, especially with my 3.5DS who tries my patience like you wouldn't believe, not all the time, but at least every second day I am yelling at him.


    We have just found out I am pregnant. We hardly ever have $ex as it is, and given the troubles we have had it is a complete shock. We are very happy with our 2 boys and never planned to even use our 2 frozen embryos.


    TBH I have a termination booked as when we found out we where like no, we can't handle anymore. we are too old, we have plans next year, things are finally getting easier again.


    BUT we still haven't made our mind up.

    my biggest concern is that I will not be the mother my 2 boys deserve as it is, throwing another in the mix will make my depression worse and it already impacts so much on our lives as it is.



    Is the jump from 2-3 as bad as what they say? the next 18 months will be tough, but how tough? not to mention the house change, the car change, luckily financially we can handle these things, but I am more concerned about the added pressure a third makes on a mum.


    I have no support, my MIL is the only support I have and she is ageing very quickly due to past cancer treatments and arthritis. My husband is very busy and does what he can, but is stressed out with his job as it is.


    I just don't know what to do. I hate that we are even considering this but 10 year ago I would never have even been thinking of this but I am not really coping with 2.

    I am not sure what I am after by posting this, I know it will offend people especially those who have been trying for years, or have suffered a loss. I think I just want to hear of any experiences of the jump from 2-3 or if anyone has been in this situation and regretted which ever way they went.

    Please feel free to PM me if you would rather. Again be gentle, I am really lost and broken at the moment

  2. #2
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    Default Unplanned Pregnancy ** Trigger Warning**

    I can't advise you one way or the other. Only you know what you want.

    But I just wanted to let you know, that dh and I have discussed this scenario (we have 2, we are done) and if for some reason I fall pregnant again (I have implanon inserted for birth control) we would terminate. And we don't have half the reasons you do. So if you go ahead with the termination you are not a monster.

    All the best with your decision xxx
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 09-08-2016 at 19:49.

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  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rubbleonthedouble View Post
    Hello, (mods please more if this needs to be in another section)

    This is a very sensitive topic, and I have been crying for the last week about it so please don't judge me or give me any negative responses, I just don't have the emotional capacity for it at the moment, I'm broken enough


    After 6 rounds of IVF I am very lucky to have 2 boys 3.5 and 1. DH 41 me - 38


    I have post natal depression and am in the middle of changing medication. I'm not suicidal but do wish someone would kill me, I have turned into a very angry mummy, especially with my 3.5DS who tries my patience like you wouldn't believe, not all the time, but at least every second day I am yelling at him.


    We have just found out I am pregnant. We hardly ever have $ex as it is, and given the troubles we have had it is a complete shock. We are very happy with our 2 boys and never planned to even use our 2 frozen embryos.


    TBH I have a termination booked as when we found out we where like no, we can't handle anymore. we are too old, we have plans next year, things are finally getting easier again.


    BUT we still haven't made our mind up.

    my biggest concern is that I will not be the mother my 2 boys deserve as it is, throwing another in the mix will make my depression worse and it already impacts so much on our lives as it is.



    Is the jump from 2-3 as bad as what they say? the next 18 months will be tough, but how tough? not to mention the house change, the car change, luckily financially we can handle these things, but I am more concerned about the added pressure a third makes on a mum.


    I have no support, my MIL is the only support I have and she is ageing very quickly due to past cancer treatments and arthritis. My husband is very busy and does what he can, but is stressed out with his job as it is.


    I just don't know what to do. I hate that we are even considering this but 10 year ago I would never have even been thinking of this but I am not really coping with 2.

    I am not sure what I am after by posting this, I know it will offend people especially those who have been trying for years, or have suffered a loss. I think I just want to hear of any experiences of the jump from 2-3 or if anyone has been in this situation and regretted which ever way they went.

    Please feel free to PM me if you would rather. Again be gentle, I am really lost and broken at the moment
    I'm so sorry you are going through so much. Pregnancy aside, is it possible you could put your oldest child in childcare a couple of days a week, to give you a break?

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  6. #4
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    That sounds like such a difficult situation. Only you and your husband can decide what is best for your family. If that is to have the termination, then that does not make you a bad person at all. Looking after your mental health is really important.

    Are you seeing someone for your post natal depression? If so, I would suggest talking it through with them and getting some professional help before you make your decision.

    As far as having limited support goes, have you considered getting an au pair? I know lots of my friends who have them (including SAHMs) and they can be super helpful in terms of looking after the kids, giving the mums a break and even providing some company while their partners are at work. It is much cheaper than daycare too. It might not be for you, but it just one idea.

    Wishing you all the best. Be kind to yourself no matter what you decide.

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    Rubbleonthedouble  (09-08-2016)

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    Im so sorry you're going through such a hard time. I wanted to address your question about going from 2-3 kids. Everyone will have a different opinion on this, and to be honest it will depend on how demanding your new baby is and your other two kiddies. When i had number 3 i had a 4 year old who went to kinder 8:45-3pm three days a week and a 2 year old. DS2 was a cruisey baby so i didnt find the adjustment hard, i found going from 1-2 harder but thats because DS1 never slept. The thing is is that when we were making the decision to have a third i knew in my heart that I'd be able to cope with whatever a third brought to the party. If you truly feel like you won't be able to handle another child then ultimately you need to do what is best for you and your family. It's such a tough decision, whatevee you decide i hope you feel resolved with it.

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    Thanks for the response, your spot on Little Miss Sunshine, , I feel like a monster. and it can only by my decision, and we had the same discussion. Silly us for not using protection really to be put in this situation. That is what I am so angry about, how stupid can we be??!!

    I am seeking help for my PND though things only got a lot worse about a month ago (dr reckons extra hormones wouldn't have helped) and have my second appt with my physiologist this thursday. The first appointment being the day after we found out last week.

    My eldest goes to preschool twice a week, thank goodness

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    Default Unplanned Pregnancy ** Trigger Warning**

    I just wanted to offer the biggest of big big hugs. If I accidentally became pregnant with number three, in my head already, I would also have a termination. In fact I wouldn't even tell DH as I know he would want to keep it, so at least you have his support, so talk, talk and talk to eachother as much as you can.

    You're not a bad person at all! I'm a great believer that a mothers mental health trumps pretty much everything (bar living children's health and safety)

    If you both can't see yourselves coping, and you feel it will better for your two son's, it's a logical decision.

    I don't want it to seem like I'm pushing you towards this decision, I just want you to know if you do choose that path, none of us are judging you for it.

    I hope you and your DH can come to a decision you're both comfortable with.

    Last edited by A-Squared; 09-08-2016 at 14:50.

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    Write a list of pros and cons, write out what you're feeling between now and leading up to your appointment then either way you go if you question why you made that decision you can read back on it all and remember just why you went the way you did. Things always seem so different later so it's good to remember how you were feeling in the thick of things. We almost went ahead with termination for our second and I cancelled appointment last minute, of course totally different situation for us as we were alwaYs going to have more children. I still have my pros and cons list and diary entries for the week leading up to everything and am surprised when I read it at just how I actually felt - it's easy to forget. Wish you all the best.

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    I contemplated terminating my 4th. I couldn't cope with the 3 I had and I knew I couldn't cope with another. But as you can tell, I didnt terminate and honestly I feel like it's no different to having the ones I had.

    Whatever you decide, it is ultimately a decision you will have to live with for the rest of your life. I don't believe it's a decision you can make on your own and you will need to speak to someone who is not emotionally involved

    Xx

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    I have tried to inbox you but I cant. I don't want to put my story out onto the forum
    Last edited by Myztiks#1Fan; 09-08-2016 at 18:45.


 

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