+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 19 of 19
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    23,244
    Thanks
    6,365
    Thanked
    17,643
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    I see both sides here. On one hand, it was an inappropriate text 4 years ago. I think you either need to decide the trust is gone and walk away, or work at trying to trust him.

    On the other, I would question why he needs to get trashed every business trip? Not only does it make him look bad in front of work colleagues, it tells me he lacks self control. Also given he knows how anxious and upset you are, he should be trying to reduce that anxiety not increase it. Like answering the phone at 9pm. My Dh doesn't go away much but when he does attend conferences there is no getting blind. He wants to get on the soonest flight home to get back to us.

    Has he made contact this morning? I'm also wondering if there is other questionable behaviour going on to make you feel he's still untrustworthy?

  2. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    HillDweller  (05-08-2016),Mod-Degrassi  (05-08-2016),SuperGranny  (05-08-2016),Wise Enough  (05-08-2016)

  3. #12
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    sunshine coast qld
    Posts
    6,460
    Thanks
    5,105
    Thanked
    3,016
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I also don't like the 'getting drunk' on business trips. On a business trip/ function, I would think it is most important for everyone to behave in a business like manner. I think you might need to get your head space clear, so you can manage your anxiety better. He needs to try to understand how the anxiety affects you, and he should make sure he does nothing to add to it. I wish you good luck, and I suggest you don't make any decision about your future , until you have a good healthy discussion with him. marie.

  4. #13
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    973
    Thanks
    865
    Thanked
    383
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by babybloom View Post
    4 years ago my husband went away for work and got drunk and sms a women from his work (she was not with him on the work trip). He smg her sexy sms at 2am.

    Well today he away on a work trip with several work people including her. His last sms was at like 7pm. I sms him at 9 saying good night and did not hear back. I sms him at 2am saying I can't sleep because i am having horrible anxiety (and he knows why)

    Being a business trip he is probably passed out drunk. I also believe there is only a 20% chance that he would do anything

    But it's been 4 years and I am still so stressed every time he goes away and he doesn't feel the need to put in any effort to make sure i am ok mentally. He just says nothing happened he loves me and that should be enough.

    Well I'm sitting here wide awake at 3am with 4yr old and 6 month old asleep and I am thinking of divorcing him..... There has also been internet infidelity before we had children. I know i made the choice to stay/have kids etc. But now can I make the choice to accept that I am just not getting over this at all and It's time to leave. We have had marriage counseling but it's not been very helpful. I feel like all she did was tell me to respect the fact that my husband has made improvements and not just be angry with him.
    I haven't read the other replies.

    I think if you think "there is only a 20% chance he would do anything." Then you have problems.

    You should trust him 100%

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    1,351
    Thanks
    558
    Thanked
    729
    Reviews
    5
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    If this was happening on a regular basis I would agree with you, but one time in the last 4 years seems a bit unreasonable.
    Maybe I got it wrong, but it sounded like VP was, not defending, but making light of her husbands behaviour.

    I'm not advocating running out the door, but there is clearly an issue OP needs to sort through, perceived or otherwise.

    I think we should support women, not men who act like children.

  6. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    13,067
    Thanks
    9,846
    Thanked
    12,964
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week

    Default don't trust husband and want out

    Quote Originally Posted by ilex View Post
    @VicPark - all due respect, but telling her not to sabotage her married is BS. If I messaged my husband, he replies within a reasonable amount of time. This is not her fault. Telling her to not be unreasonable is crap. I don't know what some of you women put up with, but this is not acceptable behaviour, especially given what has transpired in the past.
    I'm not saying the DH is a saint. And I'm not saying that women should put up with crap treatment.

    I am saying that the OP's actions seem to be disproportionate to her husbands actions. I don't believe it's reasonable, in response to a single texting incident 4 years ago + Internet 'activity' prior to that, to continually text someone when they are away on a work function and expect a response within XYZ timeframe. I believe if the OP continues to smother her DH (frantic texts at 2am) that may drive him away.

    Of course, this guesstimate is on the assumption there have been no additional indicators of infidelity.

  7. #16
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    4,801
    Thanks
    1,043
    Thanked
    2,261
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I wouldn't be ok with this situation. I don't think you are being unreasonable by being concerned. Your husband goes away, gets drunk and the women he used to message while being with you is on the trip. On top of which he has done other things online. That's not ok with me.
    I would have a very serious talk about building trust because his behaviour isn't making it easy for you to trust him.

  8. #17
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    13,067
    Thanks
    9,846
    Thanked
    12,964
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    OP - exactly what did your DH do on the Internet before you had kids? What did he text to he female colleague 4 years ago? Wondering if it's a clear cut "faaaaaaarrrrrk" versus something which a portion of female spouses may be ok with (eg p0rn as opposed to online dating).

  9. #18
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    22
    Thanks
    12
    Thanked
    4
    Reviews
    0
    From my perspective I wouldn't trust him either. I was with my ex DH for 15 years. I first caught him dirty texting when my oldest was 8 months old. I never ever caught him physically cheating. But over the years the times I caught him sexting was multiple. I had a problem where I was very sore very often after having sex with my ex DH. After we broke up I got checked by the doc. Everything was fine. I was single for a year and all the problems went away. Then I started seeing my new partner. All the problems came back. We were using condoms. I never used condoms with my ex DH. He'd had the snip. I went to the doctor and she said yep sounds like a latex allergy. According to her the latex residue can last a day or two. That's how I knew for sure my ex DH had slept around on me. Sad but true. He would watch porn all the time as well.

    I went with my gut instinct and I was right.

    I can't speak for the OP. But only I knew what I needed to do to stay sane.

  10. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    3,633
    Thanks
    940
    Thanked
    1,084
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Old thread


 

Similar Threads

  1. husband...not sure what to do
    By worried1 in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 03-07-2016, 19:55
  2. Would you trust a cheap labourer?
    By Little Miss Sunshine in forum General Chat
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 19-04-2016, 11:04
  3. Sort of spinoff - is trust earned or assumed?
    By harvs in forum General Chat
    Replies: 52
    Last Post: 19-02-2016, 12:16

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
TPS Health Physiotherapy and PilatesTPS Health Physiotherapy and Pilates has three clinics located at Morningside, Redlands and Lutwyche. We offer pre and ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
Neighbours 30 years - 2015Movies / Music / Books / TV Chat
Do people suck...?General Chat
When should I test? TTCPregnancy Tests & Help / Support with Results
❤Joyous June/July TTC!❤Conception & Fertility General Chat
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›