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  1. #21
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    You can't spoil a baby (a child, period) with too much love. Nor can a 4 month old be 'naughty'. DD was always an independent child, my boys both Velcro babies. DS2 in particular is insanely clingy right now, partly from teeth, partly he's just a huge Mumma's Boy. I believe a huge amount is personality, my boys are like their father - loving but hard work

    Our mothers/MIL's came from a generation of being hugely parent centred. They loved their kids but were taught by their parents that children should fit around adults and that having tough love made that easier. But I think our generation is turning back to instinctual parenting. Keep doing what you are doing, you are doing a great job.

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by BB77 View Post
    Just now as she was leaving he started screaming as she was holding him and she said, "he's probably hungry, maybe your breastmilk isn't enough for him anymore." Arghhhhhh! Sorry just had to vent. Thanks everyone, I feel better now.
    Omfg! I'm not sure I could be civilised with a comment like that directed at me! I'm fuming for you!

  4. #23
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    Default Nature vs nurture

    There's a four month sleep regression/wonder week so chances are your baby is being a bit more 'clingy' because he's having a big developmental leap and just needs a bit more love. The book has the perfect way of describing it, if you woke up one morning and your world had completely changed, you'd be grumpy too! That's what happens when a baby goes through a developmental phase, their whole little world appears different to them as their brain makes new connections.

    As for me...I'm inly 9 weeks into ds2 but he does cry more than ds1, but I don't think it's his personality, I think he cries more simply because he has too because I don't have as much time for him as I did when ds1 was tiny, ds1 just didn't have to cry. I do do my best to not let him cry and I cuddle/hold/feed him to sleep for most of his naps, as I did with ds1. Ds1 sleeps on his own all night and is an outgoing little nutcase and he was 'spoiled' heaps, I did everything 'wrong' with him (mil also insinuated I held him too much or was too quick to respond to his noises). Drown out what everyone else says and just do what you want or feel you need to do. You won't 'break' your baby.

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  6. #24
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    My 2 so far couldn't be more different if they tried. DD has always been super attached to me and at 3 still is. DS is pretty happy doing his own thing and while he loves DH and I he will mostly go to anyone. We've just had my DS 8 month check up which for me really highlighted the difference - at my DDs one it went so well we left with a bunch of brochures on seperation anxiety DS was all smiles for the nurse and just lapped up the attention!
    Ignore your MIL, of course your baby prefers you and so she should, it's how secure attachment is formed.

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  8. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by RedCreamingSoda View Post
    Argh MILs!!! Nod, smile and NEVER doubt that you know your baby best!

    I have 2 kids. They are 17 months apart and are both currently toddlers. Although I try to parent them the same it is obvious that their early life experiences have been very different and yes I have seen that it's affected their personality. So my oldest has had my undivided attention from the moment he was born. We are very connected emotionally. We both love cuddling and could easily be in physical contact with each other all day. He always wants to play WITH me. My youngest had a lot less of me when she was a baby. She got fed, changed, given a kiss and then put down. I was BUSY and stressed in her first year. As a baby she was happy to sit and watch the world go by (but honestly she didn't have a choice). She has been forced to investigate the world and play much more independently and now that's how she prefers to be. She also doesn't crave physical attention and touch from me. It's very different from my son. I know we love each other but I do worry that she doesn't feel enough love from me. (This is making me really sad to write). I think part of it is her natural personality but it's also definitely because she was forced to be more independent.
    Anyway rambling now.....
    Don't change anything you are doing. You can NOT love a baby too much. If it feels right then do that. Your baby is 'whiny' because he is learning how to communicate his needs to you. Life will throw you plenty of reasons that you can't give him exactly what he wants when he wants it but 4 months is not the time for that! In fact a well attached baby who knows its mother always attends to its needs will be much more settled in the world. He soon won't cry for you as much because he feels secure in the knowledge that you are always close and that a cuddle is only a few minutes away.
    He cries when mil holds him because he likes you better! You're the light of his life. Mil will just have to deal with it! Also I found that my babies always preferred people that they saw often (at least once a week) and people that were happy to take the baby's lead. People who got right in their faces and tried to force smiles, cuddles and wanted baby to put on a show are never the favorite. Those who listen to babys cues and respect their boundaries defiantly became my babies favorite people.
    Hope some of that answers your question..... Xxx
    You've describe my life to a t right now. I feel like sometimes I go a whole day without properly paying attention to ds2, that I just feed and put him down constantly. I think that's why I'm happy to hold him for naps when we are on our own or ds1 is also napping because I feel like I need to show the poor kid some extra love in some way. Besides crying more than ds1 did I do think overall he will end up a bit more cruisey or reserved than ds1 (who is crazy). Ds1 was always very chatty and noisey whereas DS2 seems happier to just observe. But he does have a crazy toddler around to observe!

  9. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    Omfg! I'm not sure I could be civilised with a comment like that directed at me! I'm fuming for you!
    I know right? Always somehow comes down to something I'm doing. Whatever.

  10. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by BB77 View Post
    I know right? Always somehow comes down to something I'm doing. Whatever.
    My MIL was very similar in the things she said and my DS2 was always crying whenever she tried holding him he didn't start wanting to be cuddled or even touched by her until about 2 yrs old. My older son was always completely easy going about people holding him, right from birth.

    She also would suggest giving ds1 solids (tried feeing him Apple when he was 3 months old - not puréed either, actual chunks of Apple). I went all mumma bear on her

    I think nurture has a lot to do with children's behaviour but at such a young age, it's got to be nature over nurture.

    Also, as a mum of boys who are a little older than babies, I have to say, I'm starting to get a bit sad about the thought of them not wanting to cuddle me for much longer. So I give them a million cuddles and kisses every day and "spoil" them with love and praise. They won't want it for much longer!

  11. #28
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    Apple chunks, wtf?

  12. #29
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    [QUOTE=witherwings;8536553]
    I think nurture has a lot to do with children's behaviour but at such a young age, it's got to be nature over nurture.
    Totally agree

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  14. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by BB77 View Post
    For the past week 4 mo ds has been whiny when anyone tries to hold him besides myself and dh. My mil is over today and says it's because he doesn't see them often
    Your baby is smart. He doesn't want anything to do with horrible old crones. Be smart. Be like your baby. 😆

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