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  1. #21
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Must be some pretty big nasty issues for you to be prepared to make a stand on not meeting her new boyfriend and possibly losing her.

    Just make sure it's reason talking and not grief. Otherwise you could be cutting your nose off to spite your face.

    Thanks VicPark, yeah the reasons aren't grief.

    I'd also like to thank everyone who has provided their feedback, as I have taken much of it onboard and considered it deeply. I love bubhub and its members for giving a variety of perspectives. It's the reason I stick around; so thank you everyone.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Taffabella For This Useful Post:

    DaveTTC  (26-08-2016),SuperGranny  (29-08-2016)

  3. #22
    Join Date
    May 2011

    Default Dad passed. Mum is repartnering. How to cope?

    Just an update for those that are interested....

    The counsellor I was seeing suggested that I bring my mother to a few sessions so we could start dealing with our relationship issues and create a stronger relationship together.

    I approached mum requesting exactly this .... And she point blank refused to attend.

    Fast forward through a little bit longer, and I can no longer converse with her normally. She fills me with anger because of her blatent rejection of me. As a result, I am now not speaking to her (for my own mental health) and have also become estranged from a brother (which i was trying to maintain relations but he chose to leave on his own accord).

    Before anyone says "that's tragic" counselling helped me realise I wasn't going to be supportive of my mum and her new friend, because the grounding of a good mother / daughter relationship wasn't there. By "wasn't there" I mean there hadn't been a single phone call, or visit initiated by my mother to me in 3 years to see if she could spend time with us.

    All contact, requests to see her had been initiated by me. My counsellor told me to stop initiating, but to chat to her about investing her time in myself and my kids so we could start rebuilding....its been months and she still hasn't made any attempts to do so.

    So, I now find myself having lost my childhood family; and although I am grieving the loss of the living, I am not feeling like I didn't try to maintain them either.

    What I learnt is, at the end of the day, it's hard to be supportive of people that refuse to be supportive of you. Even when trying your best, sometimes it's just not enough.

    It's been a very long 2016 as a result of this (& other personal events, child randomly in and out of hospital, etc). I am hoping that 2017 brings better things.

    This is the first year I will be celebrating Christmas at home with just my hubby and the kids.

    I am now determined to make sure I dedicate my time to my children now and forever more because they will need it as adults.
    Last edited by Taffabella; 21-12-2016 at 06:25.

  4. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Taffabella For This Useful Post:

    A-Squared  (21-12-2016),Ducki151  (21-12-2016),Frankenmum  (21-12-2016),gingermillie  (21-12-2016),GirlsRock  (21-12-2016),HollyGolightly81  (21-12-2016),Ruby_Tuesday15  (21-12-2016),TheGooch  (21-12-2016),VicPark  (21-12-2016)

  5. #23
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    They say you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.

    I dont know your circumstances but can relate to various aspects.

    My baby brother and I had not spoken for about 8 yrs. Was not till our mum (who it sounds like was perhaps somilar to yours in some respects) was on her death bed that we reuntited.

    I was able to form a close bond with brother who died of cancer anout 18 months ago.

    While prepping for his funeral I saw my aunty. Had not seen her seriously for about 25 years though did see her at my mums funeral about 14 yrs ago. It was then I found out my grandfather had died 2 yrs prior. Since then there has been occasional contact via fb

    M real family / friends are my wife and kids and contacts on a woodworking forum. Would be here too if i frequented more often.

    Hope the new year is a better one

  6. #24
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Thanks @DaveTTC ; it's interesting how life has twists and turns.

    Yep, I have a great network in dh's family and a better network of friends both online and off that respect me more than my own family (minus dad) ever has.
    They care and check in with me frequently and I love them so much for it.

    I am in contact with some cousins via fb so they'll be my family now.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Taffabella For This Useful Post:

    DaveTTC  (21-12-2016)


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