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  1. #1
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    Default WWYD..Toddler hurt inappropriately at childcare

    So tonight my 3 year old had a small scratch on her outer vagina and i asked how it got there. She told me a child in the sandpit told her to bend over in the sandpit (fully clothed) and poked her with a stick. She said she left the area and told a carer her bottom hurt but the carer assumed she meant a rash and told her mummy might need to use cream.
    I feel sick that my little girl has been hurt, worried and had a bad experience. I know it's probably mean child 'play' and I'm a bit stuck as to what to ask of childcare tomorrow in response. My DD doesn't know the child who did it (we are new to town and i doubt she would be able to identify) just that she was older, maybe a "kindy kid". I know it isn't like my DD to make up stories so I'm inclined to believe it happened as she said. Help! I feel really sick about it and scared to death thinking of my child being vulnerable. I'm unsure how these things are handled discipline wise with such young children

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    Oh Nat, that's distressing for you and her! I don't know what the daycare centre will do about it, but I'd definitely talk to them about it. I'm not sure whether asking them to write up an incident form would be useful (so there's a record if anything similar happens to you DD or another child - or in case the child already has form)? Maybe also ask what programs they have in place to teach the kids about bodily autonomy, and what is unacceptable touching (even with a stick).

    I hope daycare are able to provide you with some reassurance that they will deal with this and stop it happening again. And I hope your daughter has a more positive experience at daycare.

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    NAT2561  (29-07-2016)

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    I would definitely speak to day care about it and agree that an incident report might help, though if they don't know the child it probably limits things. But maybe that child has form for it. I would definitely believe it happened the way she said.

    I'm sorry that happened and I hope she is able to relax and have fun still.

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    Default WWYD..Toddler hurt inappropriately at childcare

    How horrible for you and your dd.

    One thing I would do is try to teach your dd is next time be clearer to the carers. Not that I'm implying it's her fault in any way. If someone hurts her, she needs to tell the carers that another kid hurt her. And also does she know the term vagina? That way she can be more specific. I can understand how they would put it down to a nappy rash issue if she just said her bottom hurt. And can relate to them not wanting to check that area unnecessarily.

    Hugs to your dd. I hope she continues to enjoy daycare, it's tough I know, probably more so on us xx

    Eta: obviously I would also report it to the daycare centre as others have mentioned
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 29-07-2016 at 06:36.

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    NAT2561  (29-07-2016)

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    Default WWYD..Toddler hurt inappropriately at childcare

    As others have suggested, if it was my child I would tell the carers about it, and ask if they can have a talk to the children about appropriate play & touching, and hurting with sticks and other objects; i would expect them to write up an incident report (they don't usually tell us who the other child involved in an incident is, so I don't think it would affect the report if they didn't know); I would explain to my child that when someone hurts them, or if they get hurt in any way such as an accident, they need to tell the carer about it in as much detail as possible in case they need some medical attention.

    ETA - I'm so sorry this happened and you're feeling so sick about it. How is your DD feeling emotionally? Is she her usual self?

    Unfortunately kids are going to be awful to each other sometimes and the most we can do is teach them how to be resilient, and not let it get them down.

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    NAT2561  (29-07-2016)

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    Thank you for responses. I really appreciate hearing some level headed responses while my emotions are a bit high. The idea of ensuring there is an incident report and talking with my DD about giving more information in detail are good ones. As well as asking that children are spoken to in general. My DD is a twin and it was her first day ever at childcare without her twin sister...so that hasn't helped her dependency on her sister at all which is a shame. Usually she would have got her sister and maybe that's where it fell down, she needs to have other strategies. I'm pleased she removed herself immediately and sought help though (even if she couldn't explain properly), i know they are good signs.
    This is my first known incident when they aren't with me so it's confronting and I'm battling with wanting to just not send them any more and protect them, but i know i can't shelter them too much either.

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    @witherwings she was angry when i collected her and poohed in the bath last night, which is of course quite unusual at this age. It was only when i noticed the scratch as i put a nappy on her for bed that she told me though. She seemed to be embarrassed about the whole thing more than anything and i know she "shrinks" into herself when something bad happens so i can imagine how she would have reacted at the time. She said she didn't cry but "went away". Makes me sad to think of her feeling that way for half a day.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NAT2561 View Post
    @witherwings she was angry when i collected her and poohed in the bath last night, which is of course quite unusual at this age. It was only when i noticed the scratch as i put a nappy on her for bed that she told me though. She seemed to be embarrassed about the whole thing more than anything and i know she "shrinks" into herself when something bad happens so i can imagine how she would have reacted at the time. She said she didn't cry but "went away". Makes me sad to think of her feeling that way for half a day.
    Oh gosh, I can imagine how sad it must make you feel. Please don't dwell on those mental images, it will only make you feel worse.

    It sounds like she was pretty affected, and I don't know how I would proceed in this situation to be honest, aside from just giving her lots of verbal reassurances and speaking to the carers about keeping an extra close eye on her for the next week or so, just to make sure there isn't a repeat Incident.

    My DS1 was bullied at childcare by a gang of older boys when he was your DD's age and it was absolutely heartbreaking. He also got injured by one of the carers in that same year (she was eventually fired because of it but we didn't know that, we thought she had just resigned for some other reason but she told me in person what happened when I bumped into her randomly one day). These incidents really shattered my faith in childcare and the safety of my son in their care but with very strong communication and cooperation with the centre, everything was resolved and both my boys absolutely love it there now.

    I think you should really have a good talk with the centre director and work out a plan to keep your daughter safe, physically and emotionally, and to ease your mind too.


 

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