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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happyhaps View Post
    This explains her perfectly to a tee. Thank you so much for explaining this personality type. Self absorbed and constantly needing attention and affirmation.
    I think I just wish things could go back to the way they were before we started working together, when I really looked forward to catching up with her. And hopefully in a few months once im on maternity leave I wont have the constant contact and feel so suffocated.
    I deleted the Messenger app this morning so my phone isn't constantly going off. Turned of all FB notifications so I'm not notified of everything she tags me in.
    As I mentioned, my uncle is on his way out and everytime the phone goes off my heart starts racing. I also haven't been on FB since yesterday. She has obviously noticed that I haven't been 'active' (or has messaged me on messenger and seen that I haven't opened any of her messages) so she messaged my phone saying "You haven't been online whats happening??? Are you alive? You need to see what I just tagged you in, it's so funny!!!"

    This was my reply:
    Hey thanks for your concern, everything is fine. I'm having a break from social media and have had a very quiet weekend with the bf. I hope you have enjoyed your weekend and look forward to catching up tomorrow x.

    She then took my reply as an invitation for her to tell me about what a a boring weekend she's had, a funny thing that her cat has started doing, how her bf stayed out til 2am and didn't pick up his phone, and that she burnt her roast tonight.

    I'm sitting her down tomorrow and telling her that the constant communication has become too full on.
    I'm happy to hear you've been proactive with deleting the messenger app & turning off your FB notifications, that should help a bit. Good luck with chatting to your friend tomorrow, fingers crossed it all works out.

    I have to say, as much as I can sense how frustrated you are with her constant interfering & pushiness, I feel for her too, her boyfriend doesn't sound very supportive or even loving. I know I would be p!ssed if I messaged my DH on FB & he didn't respond, even though he was recently active! Then he goes out until 2am and didn't pick up his phone. She definitely sounds lonely to me and needs to have a chat to her boyfriend to ship up or ship out, he's not treating her with much respect.

    My thoughts are also with your uncle xxxx

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by HillDweller View Post
    I think it might depend on what type of person you are TBH. I try to keep 1-2 close friends and that's it. They're usually people in my family (my best friend is my cousin). I am so looking forward to people stopping trying to contact me once I have my baby! It sounds awful I know, but the friends I have, and want, I want to see about every 3 months at the most and, other than the 2 close friends, if the others drift away it won't bother me in the slightest.

    I've had a couple of friends that I consider clingy, who other people would consider just interested in your life and a good friend. I've stepped away from them for a while, then made contact again a few years down the track thinking I 'should' try harder with friendships. I've regretted it every time. My DH and I do everything together and I just simply don't have the time or desire to have too many friends, never have. Even at school is have one or two good friends and actively avoid anyone who was even slightly clingy in my eyes. People just exhaust me for some reason.

    Not saying the OP will feel the same, just how I am.
    I'm actually really curious to see how you feel after 6 months. This is totally not me having a go I swear! I just know nearly every person I know has felt isolated after having a baby. Can you let me know if you do feel the same way after bubs is born? Maybe it is personality.

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  4. #33
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    I think it really depends on where your friends are in their lives. If you are the first one to have kids, the other childless ones tend to fade away. But if you have friends having kids when you are, or even before you, I find they stay in your life.

    Purely speaking from my own experience and feelings, but keeping someone in your life who aggregates you and is self absorbed just in case you are lonely after the baby is born isn't a good idea. It's quality not quantity for me.

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    Clementine Grace  (24-07-2016),HillDweller  (24-07-2016),SuperGranny  (26-07-2016),witherwings  (24-07-2016)

  6. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    I'm actually really curious to see how you feel after 6 months. This is totally not me having a go I swear! I just know nearly every person I know has felt isolated after having a baby. Can you let me know if you do feel the same way after bubs is born? Maybe it is personality.
    Hmmmm I'm not the op (but I think I'm similar in that I need a lot of space, down time and alone time), yes perhaps I would say I feel isolated mainly through loss of flexibility from my pre baby life but I'm not seeking out friends or social interactions as I don't mind isolation. My DD is 1 now and especially the first 6-9 months I was so overwhelmed it was easier and less stressful for me to not have social commitments to other people. Now I'm back at work 2 days a week and trying to study too I find it really stressful trying to fit in the few 'friends' I have (a few other mums with babies about the same age).
    My dh is about to go away for 7 weeks and tbh I have no plans as yet to catch up with anyone socially in that time and won't go out of my way to even though he keeps badgering me to book people in. I'm happy enough on my own.
    So I do think it is personality-dependent!

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  8. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    I'm actually really curious to see how you feel after 6 months. This is totally not me having a go I swear! I just know nearly every person I know has felt isolated after having a baby. Can you let me know if you do feel the same way after bubs is born? Maybe it is personality.
    I'll let you know I know a couple of people in my family who are like me and they've felt relief at being able to cut down on the amount of people they see after they've had a family.

    I enjoy talking to people online and keeping up with friends through FB, but rarely in person.

    It'll be interesting for me to see whether I feel the same once I'm a SAHM too.

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  10. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    I'm actually really curious to see how you feel after 6 months. This is totally not me having a go I swear! I just know nearly every person I know has felt isolated after having a baby. Can you let me know if you do feel the same way after bubs is born? Maybe it is personality.
    When I had my first, right up until I had my 4th 4 years later, I very much stayed a hermit. Went out grocery shopping but that was about it. No playgroups or anything. I'd take them to a park but sit on my own. I would go months with hubby being the only face to face contact I had really. (And he worked stupid hours like 16 hours a day,7 days a week). I didn't find it particularly isolating. I think it greatly depends on personality. It's only been these last 18 months since we moved to a tiny country town that I've opened up. And even then it took me a while to start talking to people.

    I do very much get the clingy friend thing. I have had it before and I agree with the backing off. Just mention you are feeling overwhelmed and need a break from everyone a little bit.

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  12. #37
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    Yes...I think this is a personality issue (although maybe she is a narcissistic...obviously we're not in a position to judge that!). The behavior the OP posts about is not that different to how I am with my BFF...but I guess the "love" is more reciprocated. This girl obviously isn't getting the hint and holds the relationship in much higher stead than the OP...which is a bit sad 😑.
    I found having babies (and divorce it turns out!) to be very isolating especially as I was a younger mum. I hated that my social life, as I knew it, disappeared. But I like people...and I know not everyone does. OP, I would just drop every hint available that you need her to back off without being hurtful...hopefully she'll get the hint.

  13. #38
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    You can silence her notifications on messenger from your phone.

    Go to messenger. Click on the conversation with her. Click on her name at the top. Click on notifications and pick a length of time to silence them. Peace for you when you don't want to be bothered.

  14. #39
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    Please don't take this in offense but why don't you just ask her if she is okay? I mean WTF! If you think something is wrong. And she's behaving depressed etc have a chat.

    I don't reply in full convos on messenger I don't have time. So someone will be like hey how are kids, me- yeah good exhausted wbu they will reply then I will forget to reply does that make me a nasty person? No! I'm just busy.

    I text my best friend daily to point it's probably stalkerish. And tag her in rubbish. If you don't like this persons personality you need to leave the friendship

  15. #40
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    I've had friends like this and in my experience the friendships don't last. If you're seeing her all day at work, chatting etc I'd be annoyed too if she kept making me all night. She doesn't seem to have gotten the picture about you using less social media, which makes it more awkward now. Good luck with your chat!


 

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