Our guardians are our best friends. They also have 2 kids. They are DS's God parents.
The biggest consideration for us was parenting style. I have 2 siblings and while I love them their values are very different to ours. I actually think our kids would flip out living with them. Also, my sister's kids are now adults so she's in a new stage of life. My brother has a teenaged child who he shares custody of with his ex. DHs brother is single and not a kid person at all. Our parents are not an option as they are elderly.
DS actually asked me recently what would happen to him as DD if we died. I said he would go to our friends and I could see the relief on his face. Good choice (heaven forbid it ever happens).
We of course discussed this with our friends before putting it on our will. Our families also know.
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Results 11 to 20 of 21
19-07-2016 08:21 #11
Who did you choose as guardian in your will?
19-07-2016 09:20 #12
My mother, and if something happened to her then it's DH's parents.
19-07-2016 21:13 #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2015
Thanks for all your replies. I'll sit down with DP and read over them together
19-07-2016 21:59 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2014
I think we have settled on my dad and stepmum. They are very respectful of our strong values and would raise DD very similar to how we would. I would love to choose my younger sister but her bf doesn't want kids. I know she would choose DD but I don't want to put her in that position.
20-07-2016 00:08 #15
When we first had children we opted for my SIL and BIL (DHs brother), discussed it with them and had it written up. At the time they were childless. As time passed and they gad a child of their own we changed our minds - we didn't like their parenting style, and also felt my BIL wouldn't want to be burdened with children ( he never really wanted his own child). So now my brother is on a guardian and I'm happy with that. I think it's important to remember you can change your mind. ..you just have to follow through with the legal document. We gave changed our wills several times over the last 13yrs (with birth of children, changes in investments etc.) Now my DH is the XDH...it should probably be assessed again..
20-07-2016 09:08 #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
This happened to DH, when he was 16, his parents made him guardian of his much younger siblings. They're both safely in adulthood now, but although it was discussed with him, he felt it was quite a burden.
Should anything happen to our children, they will go to DH's mum and step-father. I would expect that there would be some sort of shared care with my parents, ie some school holidays with my parents.
What things did you consider when choosing who to leave your children with?
Parenting styles, age of the carer (ie my parents are older than DH's parents), income - DH's parents are still working, mine are not, DH's mum has a big focus on education and will send them to the best schools. My parents, although believers in good education, would probably be less selective.
Did you ask the potential guardians if they wanted to do it first?
Hmmmm, thinking about this now, no not really. We said we'd like to name them, I hope that's ok? They said yes straight away, didn't have a massive discussion around it. They're currently living OS but that will change in the next 12-24 months.
Did you choose a couple? Or two people who are not together (ie one sibling from each parents side etc)?
A couple, MIL and (step) FIL
20-07-2016 18:20 #17
We chose my sister and her partner. I asked my sister first. We chose them because they both have steady well paying jobs and are very financially secure. Plus I know my sister would love her like her own. DD also loves them both. She is a couple of years younger than me so DD would have someone around, she is intelligent and places value on education and working.
It would mean DD moving back to the uk if something was to happen but the only way that wouldn't happen would be if I chose my dad and there was never a chance of that!
20-07-2016 18:54 #18
We haven't written a will, however have told people we would like our kids to be raised by my MIL and FIL should anything happen to us. Our reasons:
- My parents still have young kids and are busy enough as it is.
- My in laws are a lot more similar in terms of parenting than my parents
- My in laws are financially secure (own several properties etc) and would be able to give our kids the opportunities we would like without it being a problem, including the opportunity to travel with them
- My in laws and parents get along well so I know they would always make sure Toby got to spend plenty of time with both sides of the family. They also only live within 10 mins of each other so I'm sure they'd work out an arrangement.
I would reassess in 5-10 years as my siblings get older and less reliant on my parents, as my parents are 20 years younger than my in laws so may be a better option at that point.
We've also considered friends but ultimately would rather family.
20-07-2016 19:12 #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2012
We put my mum down and if she's not around, then my FIL and his wife.
My brother and his wife live in a tiny house, struggle financially, and have 6 kids. We don't want our children to become one of a crowd, in an uncomfortable environment.
I grew up with a loving family and want that for my kids.
My MIL is not a warm or loving person. I don't want my children growing up feeling unloved.
My SIL is also not warm. She has 2 kids, her eldest has emotional issues, and is constantly depressed. Not a person I want influencing my children
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20-07-2016 19:35 #20
We have put off preparing a will because we can't decide on guardians. My first choice would be my parents, they have similar values to us, they parent similarly, very financially sensible and secure, but they're both in their 60s so if something happened to us when our oldest was say, 15, my dad would be 74 and mum 73. That's a lot for people in their 70s to take on, although they're doing pretty well for their age now. Next choice would be my best friend, we parent pretty much identically, but she has 2 kids herself and I'm sure she'll have another, plus has a disabled brother who she will most likely take care of when her parents pass away, so I don't want to put her in that awkward position of having to say no. Next choice is my sister but she lives interstate, I wouldn't expect her to move back here as her family is settled there but I don't want my daughter moving to somewhere unfamiliar and away from the rest of her family. Next choice would be ILs, they're financially secure but they have such different values and attitudes to the importance of family and education that I don't think I would even list them. Next is my other sister but again, very different values so I don't think I would list her.
Sorry I've crashed your thread but hopefully this gives you some idea of the thought process I have gone through when considering guardians myself.
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