Not sure if anyone will read this or not but thought it was worth a go!
I'm mum to 3 girls (13,9,8) and step mum to G/B twins of 12 and G 15. My issue is that I'm really struggling with food issues in our house. Both DSD are obese (Miss 12 is size 16 and Miss 15 is size 20) and they constantly steal food. DH just throws his hands in the air and says "what can I do? They do it at their mums" and thinks I'm too hard on them because they're veggie and don't eat enough protein so should be allowed to raid the fridge overnight?! It's got so bad that we have a fridge in our bedroom with a bike lock in the handles so they can't get into it if we are not in the house. I have to keep all lunchbox stuff in my room or miss 15 will eat 6 packs of chips in one go...last Xmas she had to have her gallbladder out and (having had the same op but at 38!) I know it can be down to poor diet. Mr 12 has Aspergers (so do all 3 of my girls) and refuses to eat anything much apart from hot chips, chocolate and junk food. I cook and make him and DSDs sit in front of balanced plates every night, but every night it gets thrown out (even when it's something they apparently like!) and that is fine with DH.
Last night I made a choccy cake for dessert as a treat, and they stripped the chocolate buttons off it as it was setting in the fridge, so after dinner when I got it out there were finger marks and gouges all over the icing. I told them I didn't care who it was, I found it upsetting and disrespectful and was hurt they had destroyed something which was supposed to be a treat for everyone. I thought that would be an end to it. When I opened the fridge just now I found that overnight they had done it again and left the cake tin open in the fridge.
It feels like total defiance, and I'm worried that the girls are developing binging habits. DH just says you can't stop kids stealing food, it's too tempting, he did the same when he was a kid. My girls have never done it as I consider it totally unacceptable, so I know it's not true that all kids do...
I'd welcome your thoughts and advice. If I am being over sensitive, please tell me - I need some objective opinions as it's getting to be a real issue in our house!
Thank you xxx
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13-07-2016 07:48 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2014
Teen trouble - stealing food and lying - eating disorder???
13-07-2016 08:00 #2
Geez, it's hard when they're your step children. Your DH or his ex really would need to be on board to make any drastic changes or get them some professional help. All you can do is continue to voice your concern and hope that your DH starts taking you seriously.
The fact that they couldn't control themselves around the cake just highlights what a problem they do have.
I don't think you're being over sensitive - I find it sad just reading what you've posted. Your DH and his ex are enabling them to continue their poor eating habits.
Sorry, I haven't been overly helpful with practical advice. Hopefully someone else can help further. I just wanted to validate your concerns
13-07-2016 08:01 #3
Gosh that's hard, it's great that you are trying to help them - no experience but my only advice would be to not have bad food in the house, if it's it not there they can't steal it , I know you can't control what their mother gives them or what they eat outside your house but you can control what you buy them at your home, I know when my SIL changed her families diet ( her husband had really high cholesterol so she literally stopped buying any junk food) her girls ( twin 13) did whine about it for a week or two but then just accepted it and actually lost weight themselves just by cutting out chips , soft drink and biscuits at home
What veggie meals do you cook for them? There are plenty of high protein veggie meals - do they eat cheese?
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13-07-2016 08:32 #4
I agree. Just stop buying junk food. I have 4 kids so no it's not always easy providing food everyone will eat but honestly at their age this is not normal behaviour.
My kids have treats but when we've had periods where there have been a few parties or events we go cold turkey and there's no processed food in the house. They carry on for a day or so then forget about it.
It sounds like a really stressful situation. You shouldn't have to have a fridge in your bedroom. Does your DH eat well?
13-07-2016 08:48 #5Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2010
I agree with the previous posters, keep only healthy food in the house, give them more freedom with the healthy food, without foods being taboo or forbidden. Talk to the girls about if they want professional help, surely they want to feel free of their compulsions and addictions with food, and they may be able to get mum and dad onboard with professional help and healthier relationship with food
13-07-2016 09:03 #6
I agree with the others... Remove ALL junk and processed food from the house. Have your fridge and pantry full of fresh vegetables and some fruit, Greek yoghurt, cheese, eggs and of course meat for those in the family that eat it.
They won't necessarily like it, but I think this change has to be driven by you. Thank you for caring so much about your step children.
13-07-2016 09:28 #7
hi, I can agree to not having any junk food in the house, but then the other family members are being 'punished' even though they have a proper relationship with food. It is certainly not normal to have a locked fridge in your bedroom to keep any food from 'being stolen" . I think this needs to be handled as a family problem, the whole family including all the children and both sets of parents, and a professional. Vegetarians do not necessarily over eat nor are they generally obese, so I think there needs to be some professional guidance. I would also suggest, some further information to the children regarding the medical issues that they may face later in life if they don't change the eating habits now. Most important, all adults need to be on the same page. There is no point in one house being strict and controlling, and one being a free for all. I think everyone involved is old enough to understand what the consequences of these bad eating habits will lead to. I don't think you are being unreasonable, I think you are being concerned about a serious problem and I wish you well. marie.
13-07-2016 10:02 #8
I would not have junk but with ASD as my son only eats xyz
I would also look into defiance disorder.
My friends daughter has this and she steals food etc. over rides authority things like this. Working with a psych has been wonders good luck
13-07-2016 11:11 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2014
Yes, agree with others.
I would get rid of the fridge in your bedroom ASAP. Make all food available, but only healthy.
They might be grabbing what they can because they know all the treat foods are locked away.
The others can maybe have treat food when the step kids are back at their mums?
13-07-2016 11:54 #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2014
As others have said, only keep healthy food in the house
It is a form of eating disorder, my niece (9) and nephew (15) would both steal food and my sister started locking non persiahbles in the car. They are both big, the 15yo is probably classed as obese (over 100kg) and was getting teased at school which would then make him eat more. He is now on Jenny Craig and has lost about 15kg, they want to get him down to 65kg - he will never be small due to his build. My niece starts high school in a couple of years and my sister knows if she cant get her weight down she's going to get teased too. Thing is, she'll ask if she's fat and my sister will say no as she doesn't want to upset her, which I don't think is right but its not my place to say
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