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  1. #411
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    So I'd been pretty quiet about it as I felt like if I talked about it I'd be jinxing myself but I was getting hopeful that this might be my month. DTD more times than ever before during O time, my temperature which is normally only just 36 or sometimes below was sitting at 37 and I got a cold a week after O that still hasn't gone away. DH kept saying he felt good about this month and MIL said she had a good feeling. My periods are irregular so I was expecting my period any time from Saturday onwards. On Saturday I was super hormonal and my stomach felt like it could start af cramps at any time. I was a mess broke down crying, thinking for sure I'd see my period that night or Sunday morning. When nothing happened Sunday I finally let myself believe that maybe this was it. I haven't even been tempted to poas because I cannot handle seeing one more lonely line. So this morning woke up full of hope (for some reason the fact that I made it to November 1st was significant to me). I could've sworn I felt some pressure low in my stomach and possibly the smallest cramping sensation. I was hoping that maybe it was early pregnancy symptoms , but I think I just knew. Went to the bathroom and sure enough bloody toilet paper. For a second I felt my heart breaking but now I'm just numb. I put absolutely everything into this month. Took all my vitamins (for pregnancy and otherwise), did yoga, ate healthy, used crystals (literally have been in a pocket or bra and water bottle for weeks), lay awake at night visualising an egg being fertilised and implanting. I feel like I poured every single bit of positive energy I had into conceiving this month. Normally I sort of protect myself and don't let myself get my hopes up. I said to DH early on if it doesn't happen this month it would hurt more than any other time because I did get excited over every little positive sign. I did start thinking about the 12 week mark (would've announced it at Christmas) and due date (July same as DH). I honestly don't think I can do this anymore. I remember when we first started it was so exciting, now it's just too painful. And I honestly feel in my heart that it's not going to happen for us yet. I've been given the speech so many times about how I'm so young so even if it takes years I've got time and blah blah blah. I do feel lucky not to have my biological clock ticking away but that certainly doesn't take away the pain of missing out each month. I can picture myself holding that perfect beautiful baby but I feel like it's slipping away from me. Honestly don't know where to go from here, all I know is I can't do this anymore.

  2. #412
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    Quote Originally Posted by KJane13 View Post
    @KJane13 I've been there in that place of despair, when you've done all possible and it still doesn't happen. (Me too. We have even seen an FS and had all the tests done, & she can't pinpoint it either. I've done vitamins, & teas, & crystals & have read all the books etc etc etc). I can only offer my prayers for you and a heart who knows the sound of that emptiness.
    Trust that it's not the right time yet... the universe knows when it's meant to be x

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to MUG81 For This Useful Post:

    KJane13  (01-11-2016)

  4. #413
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    @KJane13 I'm right there with you. It's so painful, isn't it. I'm headed down the same road this month I think. I have done absolutely everything I can think of...I'm trying to be optimistic but realistically I know it's not going to be my month.

    It's scaring me how fast the end of the year is coming up

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    KJane13  (01-11-2016)

  6. #414
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    Quote Originally Posted by KJane13 View Post
    .
    @KJane13 .. so sorry to hear of your unease.. all that I can say is that I truely believe that it will happen when the time is right! The perfect little babe will choose you and your DH to be his or hers parents and no matter the amount of trying, stressing, tests, procedures will make that time come any quicker or make the right time any less special. While hubby and I were lucky in that it didn't take us too many tries or too long (in the big scheme of things) I think the biggest thing is to stop trying. Relax, enjoy your marriage & find the joy again in 'trying'.. stop recording your temps, cycles to the point where you over think and just go wit the flow.. I know that may sound like some stupid advice but that's what worked for us.. I didn't do anything other than used a period log app on my phone. Hope you feel better soon! Always available with an ear if you want to vent to someone not in your family circle as I know for a fact that sometimes talking to friends or family can be the hardest thing to do. Xx

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    KJane13  (01-11-2016)

  8. #415
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    Quote Originally Posted by curlybird View Post
    @Deezaf that's because your hcg will have tripled or more woohoo its such a good feeling seeing the test line get darker like that.
    @InterestedWoman Sorry to hear af arrived. Enjoy some wine and chocolate!
    Eek so so excited everytime I look at the test hehe Thanks @curlybird !

    How are you going with your cycle & stuff?

    While I am loving being in Europe, we're currently in Paris.. I can't wait to get home and get into the dr's asap

  9. #416
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    Honestly don't know where to go from here, all I know is I can't do this anymore. [/QUOTE]

    I just felt your heart breaking with these words. I too got AF this morning and this month more than ever I have really felt the sadness and despair or wondering if this will ever happen for us. Whilst we have only been trying for three months and this doesn't compare to others' TTC journeys, my biological clock is very much ticking. I am inclined to give myself a break this month coming up though and take a leaf out of @Deezaf 's book! I need to regroup, heal myself from this month and just enjoy being me. The thing about this forum is, you can always come in here and share your story and there will be someone who will read it, understand it and sympathise. Most of the time it's their story too. Try to take some time for yourself. Have some wine, because you can. Eat some chocolate. Go for walks, get your nails done, get a massage. Have a laugh with your best friends. Whatever you need to do to feel a little more like yourself again. That's my plan. I sincerely hope your time is coming very very soon.

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    KJane13  (01-11-2016)

  11. #417
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    Thanks for letting me vent guys it's comforting to be able to speak to people who completely understand, and I'm sorry to hear that some of u are in the same place as me right now . Also thanks for ur wise and kind words ❤️ @MUG81 @FeelinLucky @Deezaf @InterestedWoman.

    At my work there is seriously one girl just back from mat leave, one who's baby was born weeks ago, and 3 who are pregnant. I'm so happy for them but at the same time it sucks as our cycles seem to be synchronised so when I'm dealing with af someone's over the moon about their BFP lol. And so many of them are unplanned. I definitely believe that babies come when it's the right time.. It's hard because DH doesn't want to stop trying but he respects my choice that I just can't right now. Tonight I took a dose of my medication that I can't take when TTC and when I took it I just absolutely knew I was doing the right thing. Omg I still can't type that without the tears coming blame af hormones lol. Even tho it's short term it's hard to let go I guess.

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    MUG81  (07-11-2016),Phia  (07-11-2016)

  13. #418
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    @KJane13 Big big You are not alone! Sorry you are having a rough time with ttc. It definitely isn't easily, especially when people around you seem to get pregnant by just looking at their partners. I know how you feel, as do a lot of ladies on this forum. It really is nice having a place to go to, to talk to other people experiencing the same and to get support. Hopefully your time comes soon and all this stress will be worth the wait.

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    InterestedWoman  (04-11-2016),KJane13  (02-11-2016),MUG81  (07-11-2016)

  15. #419
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    Oh all you beautiful women waiting in the wings to be mammas my heart has sung your song and I've felt the pain and upset
    It is real and you are allowed to feel that way in fact please make sure you honour your feelings in what ever way is right for you scream from a mountain look out
    Throw the covers over your head and cry , write in a diary until your fingers are numb , ask a friend to " just listen " and not fix it for me .
    The power of women connecting can just be healing in itself - use our power to do just that , join a nourishing women's circle /red tent , do what ever it takes to feel honoured.
    This for me has been the " lesson" in itself , I feel the preparation for motherhood all these feelings now are what you feel in motherhood , itslike being prep for a mix of feelings it can bring and how you hold yourself and move through it
    We don't know when we will be chosen and I'm a honest person we could possibly not be chosen or when our ideal time is all I know is that when it is meant to be it will be - that can be nails on a chalk board for someone to say and times when I've thought if any other says this statement I'm going to tear down every wall in my sight

    All your feelings are real and don't try snuffle them out use that fire drive to keep putting one foot in front if the other each day at your own pace
    Big big big warming hug to all in this incredibly wonderful hard journey
    Much love and gratitude

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    curlybird  (02-11-2016),FeelinLucky  (03-11-2016),InterestedWoman  (04-11-2016),KJane13  (02-11-2016),MUG81  (07-11-2016),NelopeJ88  (02-11-2016),rhee1980  (04-11-2016),whatwillbe  (03-11-2016)

  17. #420
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    Im entering my fertile period and starting to get a faint line on the opk... This will be me over the next week hahaha.


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