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  1. #1
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    Default Wdt?

    "People treat you how you allow them to treat you".

    Victim blaming or is it logical to expect some level of self responsibility? Discuss.



    * I'll add a caveat that this does not include violent relationships in the discussion, as in these cases it often doesn't feel like a choice to stay and 'allow' it.

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    I believe it is a well-intentioned yet naive statement. But it really can, and often does, make my blood boil when I hear it. I think in general it simplifies relationships, and, yes, often comes across as victim blaming. It would seldom have the desired outcome of 'rallying the troops'.

    And, speaking from experience, it can deplete the resolve of people who are struggling and trying everything they can to communicate with/reason with someone. Sometimes people are just $hit people and nothing we can do can change that. Full stop.

    But then again, I think maybe my response might also come from my philosophical position on relating to others, monitoring others' behaviour etc., so I struggle with the concept in general.

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    To some degree, I agree. But, and a big but, people have to be ********* in the first place to take advantage of it.

    The first thing that came to mind when I read this was a friend that was telling me how she was constantly running errands for another friend and she felt like she never had time for herself. She was too kind to stand up for herself and her 'friend' was taking full advantage of that.

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    I don't think it's correct. I think sometimes people are going to treat you a certain way whether you "allow it" or not. Whether they get away with it or suffer consequence is more within your control than their actions.
    I much prefer the statement about not being able to choose what people do to you, only how you react... Or something to that effect.

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    It comes down to strength of personality. I'm pretty confident and capable so tend to have healthy relationships with people and if they're not I try to change the dynamic or I end the friendship.

    So I can see how someone like me would say that.

    But I don't say that as I know not everyone has the confidence to be strong in their relationships (and I include friendships there) at all times of their lives. I was miserable after I had DD1 and I put up with really hopeless friendships because they were better than nothing.

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    I should clarify I was referring to every intervention in our lives, not just romantic relationships. So friendships, at work, family members.

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    I agree with the statement. Yes people are who they are and they will treat you how they want to treat you. It is our choice to put up with behaviors or leave. Maybe this is simplistic but it is what i believe. You may have your reasons as to why you put up with certain behaviors but the choice is nevertheless there. As far as domestic violence relationships go these situations are very complex and not easy to leave. However every woman who is no longer putting up with it is a woman who chose to leave it.

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    Default Wdt?

    To some extent I agree but don't think it's always that simple.

    In many situations issues could be resolved by people speaking up from themselves. Of course in a perfect world these issues shouldn't arise but our world isn't perfect and instead of being upset by the problem we can be the solution.

    However, when dealing with intimidating / manipulative / slimy / cunning people this can be very, very difficult.
    Last edited by babyno1onboard; 08-07-2016 at 18:59.

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    To some extent I agree but don't think it's always that simple.

    In many situations issues could be resolved by people speaking up from themselves. Of course in a perfect world these issues shouldn't arise but our world isn't perfect and instead of being upset by the problem we can be the solution.

    However, when dealing with intimidating / manipulative / slimy / cunning people this can be very, very difficult.
    I agree with that last statement you made. A lot of people who have personality disorders ie narcissistic, borderline, sociopathic etc are often very charming and personable before they suck you in and start treating you like crap and i think most people don't realise that they are dealing with someone like this and therfore don't know what to to or what to think. Therein lies the struggle. Their ignorance often means people often stay in really bad situations.

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    I think this rings true in most personal and familial relationships, but not when there's a power imbalance.

    So not at work, for example. Not in a doctor's surgery etc.


 

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