I think the frustration though for many of us is your DH just isn't pulling his weight. But rather than him step up and do what you need of him his daughter will have to spend less time with him. From my point of view that doesn't seem right, but it's not my family so only you can know how fair that is.
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08-06-2016 15:06 #61
08-06-2016 15:14 #62
08-06-2016 15:43 #63Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2013
I said it's hard for a child to go from 7 days and nights every week with their Dad to only a few nights a fortnight, (it's hard on the parents involved too).
So to have another night taken away from the child when she only gets 3 a fortnight,would be harder again and could create all kinds of problems.
By the time your SD starts school next year, she will no doubt be capable of doing more too, like getting herself dressed, or brushing her teeth etc hopefully anyway! Children are expected to do be able to do certain things to be school ready at any rate. So it may all work out fine for you all by then
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08-06-2016 15:48 #64
I agree your DF needs to step up. Personally, I wouldn't be saying your DSD needs to go back on Sunday to him, I'd just be saying something non-confronting like "Hun, I'm a bit worried about how we will cope with the school run next year. We're going to have 2 girls in different schools, 2 sets of lunches etc and a newborn! I'm going to need your help in the mornings with getting the girls ready, and I'm going to need you to carry more load as I may be feeding when things need to be happening. So let's sort out a plan of how we can make this work" and see how he responds. I'd also be encouraging him to do things with her while she is at your house - "it's a lovely day, why don't you make the most of your time together and take DSD to the park and hang out with her" or "can you bath the kids while I make dinner". Sorry if you already do that, it's just how things work in my house. If I just do things, DH doesn't realise what needs to be done. But ask him a few times and it becomes his job naturally.
I do like the suggestion of Sunday nights for the first 3 months though. The first few weeks adjusting to a newborn and a new schedule can be rough. But ultimately, your DF needs to step up. Or you will be parenting 3 children alone and resenting him for it.
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08-06-2016 15:58 #65
Ive just scanned thru the replies so sorry if i miss something however do you not wash on the weekends when DSD is there already?
With 3 kids i wash a load a day so having a uniform washed & ready over a weekend would be a non issue here.
From what i can gather your DH needs to step up if he doesnt want to lose a night with his daughter.
Theres plenty you can do to save time on a monday morning.
Pack lunches & school bag the night before.
Lay out all clothing incl underwear & shoes etc.
Seeing as they have such a long drive id get her to eat breakfast on the way to save more time (brush teeth before). A breakfast of dry cereal and fruit etc would be simple & easy but still healthy.
You say DSD isnt very independent and needs to be told everything.
You could make her a picture story of what order she needs to do things in the morning to get ready and she could tick off on the chart or similar.
Im also a bit stumped on why she'd have heaps of bags etc to take to school if she stayed on sunday night.
If she's wearing the uniform she arrived in and youve just repacked her lunchbox etc.
Youve mentioned she has weekend clothes at your house what else would she need to cart around?
08-06-2016 16:00 #66
Also it is over 7mths till school starts next year. You DSD will grow up considerably in this time and likely do loads more for herself.
I know it can be hard but try not to worry about it too much until you see how it all works once she is at school and new bub arrives
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08-06-2016 16:07 #67
08-06-2016 17:29 #68Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
OP, I understand your concerns about how things are going to work. But I believe that your concerns are basically the same concerns that every mum of one-soon-to-be-2 kids has. Difference is, most parents can't just cut down a night of parenting to make it easier. It isn't about your step-child. Stop making it about your step-child, it is unfair on her and your DF to try and cut down their time.
There are so many excuses in your posts. I can't even remember them all. But some suggestions-
-you need to sort out your clothes drying issues. You are going to have a newborn, and 1-2 children in the house. For some odd reason, newborns increase washing by x1000 people, not just x1 person. I am confident that you will need to do a load of washing on the weekend.
-If you truly are not going to wash on the weekend, buy a second uniform. You probably don't need to wash the knit. Or buy another. So it's a private school, uniforms are exxy. You're buying one uniform. 1. Are you going to buy uniforms for your DD when she goes to school? More than one presumably? I'm sure you can manage to buy one for your DSD, it's not like you need to provide her with an overflowing wardrobe.
-Your DD sleeps til 7:15. Is your newborn going to sleep til 7:15? If so, can you please let everyone know how you do this?
It's likely you will be awake already for DSD to be awake.
-your house is echoey. Again, how are you going to silence the newborn so he/she doesn't wake your DD? It's not possible! They either sleep through each others noise, or they don't. This is normal of households with more than one child, and has nothing to do with stepchildren.
-The drive is long. Your DF must do it. Especially if you have a newborn. No one wants to drive that long with a newborn.
-as pointed out by PP, Sunday night wind downs are lovely with school kids. Your DF would be missing out on this.
-a drive (where your DF turns his phone off) is also lovely. The parent is basically forced to have one on one time with their child. School girls IME talk a lot about school! It's nice for him to learn about all her friends, school, etc, in a time and place where he is not distracted. He would be missing out on this.
-as for this forcing you to miss out on time with your DD, oh dear, I don't even know where to start on that one, so perhaps I won't. But please think about the amount of days per fortnight you spend with your DD, and how many days per fortnight your DF spends with his DD. Not quite even huh.
Not to mention the impending new baby. It's compulsory for you to share your time then.
-all the bags she carries. No, just her school bag, soccer shoes/shirt/shorts. Have clothes at your house. Cuddle toys at your house. She will need to learn that she cannot bring a bag full of toys as it's impractical.
-the busyness of the morning. By the time school comes around, she will have matured so much. If you are still concerned, get her to start practising getting herself dressed or whatever your concern is.
-And tell your DF to help!
That's my advice. You'll probably think it's harsh, but it's not. Just honest.
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08-06-2016 17:52 #69Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2012
Step Child Starting School - Help!
08-06-2016 18:03 #70
Step Child Starting School - Help!
When we lived 1.5 hr drive from DSS1&2 school they would go home on Sunday night because:
1. DH didn't want his boys starting the school day after a long drive.
2. The traffic is terrible on Monday mornings and if there was an accident (which happens frequently) the boys would be late for school, or they all leave 45 mins earlier and be super early most days.
The issues of getting school uniforms laundered, items back to bio mum's house and lunch made, etc, are your DH's problem, not yours. His child, his responsibility. He needs to understand this and pull his weight.
If he is happy enough to sort everything out and get his daughter to school on time then I'd just leave it.
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