To be honest I felt your posts came across that you think I'm being very selfish and only thinking of myself in this situation which is 100% not true.
Do you and your DH both work? Do you travel far to the kids schools?
Yes you're right, the issue is bigger for me as I'm the one dealing with the stresses and pressure of it all than someone on the outside. I am stressed by the thought of how to work things and deal with a newborn.
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08-06-2016 12:53 #21
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08-06-2016 12:58 #22
As for her bringing a heap of things just tell her to bring one or two toys and that's it. I'm sure you have toys for her. Surely you have some clothes for her like PJs and weekend clothing.
I'm sort of a bit confused about the getting ready for school and washing uniforms bit I do this all the time, don't all parents do this. Your husband needs to help you that's the issue I'm seeing here. Everything else can be sorted.
08-06-2016 13:23 #23Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
Step Child Starting School - Help!
I've read through your original post, and the replies. One of my exes had a similar arrangement with an ex as well, but we weren't living together.
OP, I think a lot of the solution is to try to make the best of the situation. A lot of that is that your partner will need to do more.
Depending on the price of the uniform, buy one so there is a clean one in the drawer ready to go, or if that's not feasible, advise the mum that you aren't able to wash and dry so she will be sent to school in the one she was wearing on Friday. Most outerwear can be fine for 2-3 wears in most circumstances.
Make a schedule! Dsd can help get herself ready and her dad can help her. It's a way they can bond. If he complains then mention that it's time he is able to spend with her. But put a lot of the onus onto him for making things run smoothly.
Also, at school age, there will be a lot less bits and pieces going back and forth. Keep half a dozen outfits and don't send clothes back and forth unless special stuff. But time with dad is special and Especially with his new family and her little brother or sister!
Last edited by kzm; 08-06-2016 at 13:25.
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08-06-2016 13:28 #24Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
OP I have been in a very similar situation and I can sympathise. It's extremely difficult trying to make it all work. I think some great suggestions have been made but I totally understand how overwhelming it can be. It's only now with a 7mth old that I feel it's coming together... Sometimes...
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08-06-2016 13:28 #25
I think none of us really know how it all works when school starts, and that's for our kids who live with us 24/7. It is such a time of trial and error and adjustment.
Honestly I wouldn't change the arrangement as tempting as it is. Yes the first few weeks will be tough, but it's one morning a week.
I find Sunday evening really special with my school age kids as its the start of a new week and new beginnings. I wouldn't personally give that up.
08-06-2016 13:32 #26
Thank you for all of your replies.
Does anyone have any suggestions how to minimise the impact on my DD and newborn of waking up so early on those days? Bearing in mind the girls share a room (as previously mentioned), our house is very small and echoes, our main bedroom is right next to the girls room & bathroom and my DSD has a very loud voice volume.
DSD is not very independent, she has to be told what to do every step of the way, even being told to go to the toilet so i can't see the mornings being a quiet affair in their rush to leave.
08-06-2016 13:34 #27
08-06-2016 13:35 #28Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2013
I never said you were being very selfish or selfish at all.
I never said you are only thinking of yourself in this situation either.
Please don't put words into my mouth or accuse me of thinking things which im not.
I stated from the start i think you are being a tad unreasonable and that i agree with your df. Unreasonable, is not selfish. It's a different word and meaning. When people ask for advice they generally get differences of opinions. You don't seem to like mine as it doesn't match what you want to hear, but that's ok. However i see no relevance in what my life or family has to do with you, besides the fact we both have step kids, so yes i do know what it's like. Yes we work, yes we travel in different directions to different schools, that are not near us. Does that help you knowing that?
I think you're stressing about a situation that hasn't happened yet and may or may not happen.
There are more solutions though then possibly arguing with your df and causing other issues there.
Maybe an option to give him could be something along the lines of a compromise, where for the first 6-12 weeks after your baby is born, instead of his daughter staying the 3 nights over those 3-6 weekends, she stays the 2 nights, so he is able to drop your other child off at school for you so you don't have the added stress of doing it with your newborn. Then after the time you agree on, it can go back to 3 nights every second weekened which means he doesn't lose his 3 nights forever and neither does your SD. I don't know, but it's one other idea to keep the compromise and all parties happy with less stress, if ofcourse the SDs Mum agrees as well.
Once again you may not like my advice, you don't have to! take it or leave it, but it's just an idea! I shouldn't be accused of things im apparently thinking or "saying" because i have a difference of opinion to you.
I'm not the one you need to convince that you want the weekends changed, try your df.
08-06-2016 13:42 #29
I have one daughter (grade 2) who needs help every morning. It's not great but it is what it is.
I'm trying to be delicate in how I say this but your gripe is with your husband not his daughter. She's a child navigating her world with separated parents and he's a grown up.
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08-06-2016 13:42 #30
I'm not arguing with you because I don't want to hear your opinion, I simply stated that your post came across to me differently than what you may have intended.
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