With DD I spent the first four months dealing with undiagnosed reflux and CMPI. So it wasn't boring, just awful! I'm so sad we couldn't enjoy that time more. Then she got medication, we went to sleep school and she was a dream baby. But by then I had anxiety which was pretty out of control. I don't really remember what I did all day but it was probably boring! I hardly socialised as I was so worried about messing up her routine. At 9 months I got medication, went back to work 2 days and everyone was happier all round
This time with 2 kids I'm loving it. DS is a totally different baby, I've got a lovely mums group, my parents have retired so I have heaps of company not to mention DD to keep me entertained/drive me mental.
My only piece of advice which I have learned after having 2 is to try and do your chores while your DS is awake. Eg Cleaning the bathroom - pop him in his bouncer and he can watch you. Tidying outside - into the baby bjorn and off you go. Then rest when he does. Means you get some time for yourself and keeps home entertained while he is awake gets harder with an older more mobile baby who isnt quite so content just watching but wants to join in and 'help'.
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01-06-2016 14:48 #31
01-06-2016 14:59 #32
As it warmed up I spent more time outdoors but he wasn't much of a pram baby - however by 5/6 months he had a really good reliable routine where he'd have morning and afternoon sleeps, I started working from home 2 days a week around then. I went back to work full time when he was 11 months - but made sure we fit in an overseas holiday just prior. The 11 months just flew TBH.
I found it super hard without family around. I actually said to DH I won't have another child while we're living away. I just don't think I would have coped.
01-06-2016 15:05 #33
Hmm yes and no. I understand the lack of mental stimulation complaint. It's hard, you never seem to stop but a lot of what you do - housework, groceries, cooking etc... - is really quite mind numbing.
I initially went back to work when DS2 was 11 weeks old as I had family support for DS2 and it was only 10 hours (across 2 days) in the office. I had plenty of disposable income so DS2 did Swimming, gymbaroo, kindy gym, kindermusik and we went to playgroup. I had mental stimulation from work and we were out of the house more than in so yes I enjoyed it.
Then we moved to Canberra and I became a full time sahm when DS2 was 2 and remain so now with DS3 due in August. Now the endless days are definitely getting to me. Money is tight now I won't be back at work when DS2 starts preschool year. So all we do is playgroup and DH takes him to swimming lessons on Sunday's. I don't have any family or friends down here, winter is definitely here which does make park trips etc... harder and indoor play centres are expensive.
So if money allows try swimming, gymbaroo, playgroup etc... It will get you out of the house and you might make some more sahm friends.
If money is tight it is harder BUT all I can say is find a way to get out. Even if it is rugging up and just going for a 30 minute walk - it does make an amazing difference to your head space.
01-06-2016 15:08 #34
I'm definitely feeling similarly about having a second with no family around. I'm starting to worry how it would work. I am not sure it would. as I'm sure all of bub hub now knows, my mil lives a fair distance away (like not hundreds of km but far enough to make practical help a challenge) plus she doesn't drive. I think having 2 kids with none of my own family around would be so so hard.
01-06-2016 15:24 #35
I always planned to take 6 months off. I didn't enjoy the time at home. I was anxious being left alone with DS. I was anxious going to sleep at night, anxious about work. Just anxious and depressed about everything.
I look back now I'm well and I wish I made more of the time and didn't rush back to work early.
Maybe next time...
01-06-2016 16:08 #36Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Sydney NSW
I didnt really enjoy mat leave first time. We moved interstate and i had no family support and no friends. Plus ds1 didnt sleep well during the day so i found it stressful. I did enjoy doing lots of cooking though and prepped special meals all the time. Second mat leave, frankly, was the hardest time of my life. 2 bubs 16mths apart was hard! Plus my eldest was a runner and had lots of tantrums. I just didnt cope...third time, i loved it mainly due to having genuine quality time with the older ones who were in school by then. It was wonderful. Tbh i love spending quality time with them as they get older.
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01-06-2016 16:08 #37
01-06-2016 17:08 #38
I'm anxious too. I like to get out and about, but I swear if my ds isn't being held in a PARTICULAR WAY, he cries. So I'm the chick down the shops with a baby crying in the pram. All these people saying they go to mothers groups and kindy gym, and I'm thinking, I'll just be sweating about whether or not ds will scream the house down. So not entirely enjoying my mat leave, and like others, I know it's fleeting and I'll regret not enjoying it more, but it's so hard being sort of stuck.
01-06-2016 17:32 #39
I never thought I would enjoy being a stay at home Mum and surprised myself (and a lot of my friends!).
I loved the first 18 months of my time at home with DS, although we lived in a university town where everyone knew one another, no one had cars because everything was walking distance - between playgroups, swimming, rhyme time, music etc etc I was so busy I hired a cleaner! <-- For the first six months I just hung out with friends and took DS everywhere I went, no 'organised' activities for him.
When we moved to London (after 4 months travelling through South America and DH returning to full time work for the first time in DS life, I had big post holiday blues) it wasn't as easy (no built in friends!) and we moved to the other side of of the city a year in - but I've found a good groove and work around 20 hours a week which is a nice balance.
Without family (we have none on this side of the world) I found it imperative to create a group of Mum friends, even just a couple who you can lean on when you need to. Also, find a good babysitter. We have used the same lady since moving to London (prior we hadn't used a babysitter just had a couple that we were friends look after him a handful of times) and she is amazing, 1-2 nights a week (usually once during the week and Friday or Saturday night) she comes to look after DS and DH and I go out together, with friends or if he is working I meet up with my girlfriends who don't have kids.
Is there a fb group of Mums for your suburb? I find that once DS was walking and playing at the playground it is easier to meet Mums because the kids start playing together.
In terms of the cold, in Boston and London (and many other places we have visited) people just bundle their babies and go outside, I remember feeling quite strange the first time taking DS to the playground in the snow!
To answer the question - yes I enjoyed my mat leave so much I don't plan on returning to full time work for a long time and apologies for the ramble.
01-06-2016 18:31 #40
I loved my second maternity leave so much!! First one, meh.
For my first kid I took 6 months off.
I was truly ready to get back to work after 4 months 😂
I'd fill my days with looking after DS obviously, house works, going for walks and coffees, exercising, watching TV... It gets boring when it's just a baby and you.
2d mat leave I took 6 months off again and was pretty busy. Studied 30hrs per week, worked as a bookkeeper another 4 hours and had my DS with us 2 days per week. That's when we'd go to the zoo, museums, music classes etc. so much fun!!
I felt much more accomplished 2d time around and can't wait to have my 3d and last lot of mat leave
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