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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Olive Oil View Post
    OP, you have try and see it from your lady's perspective. She is fine with it, she has no issues at all with being examined by whoever. She sounds very calm and collected. You do not own her, she is in charge of her own body. She is in control with this, not you. If she is comfortable, then you need to respect her decision.

    What is happening in terms of IVF is such a draining process (emotionally and financially), if you throw your extreme emotions into it, it's a recipe for disaster. Your feelings are completely irrational (as you have acknowledged), there is absolutely nothing sexual about the world of medicine, especially IVF. If these are your genuine feelings then you need to see a mental healthcare professional ASAP. It's is very concerning and unhealthy and who knows what it will manifest into.

    A forum like this will attract support but also a lot of criticism especially for views that are so extreme.

    I wish you all the best in your IVF ventures but please, get yourself some help to cope with it all.
    Thank you.

    I am quite aware that I don't own her. You are also correct, she is very calm and collected. Very rational.

    Sexualising the situation was mentioned earlier and I did admit that perhaps I am doing just this. But upon thinking about it more I don't believe that's the case. Or perhaps it only a part of it.

    What I am feeling more is protectiveness. The need to protect her from anything bad happening. I am the reason medically that we need IVF. There is nothing wrong with her. I feel really guilty about this.

    This whole thing just doesn't make sense which is why I'm hear talking.

    Thanks for your input :-)

  2. #32
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    Default Irrational problem. Looking for anything to hold on to.

    Quote Originally Posted by TCK View Post
    You're confused?

    I'M confused. I am and only ever have been male. I do not have a male partner and I do not have children. I am however the father of 5 miscarried babies.

    Why are people questioning my sincerity? I just don't understand.

    The men I am referring too are not specific people but rather a generalisation of what I understand based on my experiences and the indisputable fact that I am also male.

    I am almost ready to give up my Facebook account so people can see just who I am.

    Would that help?

    Thanks for responding.
    Edited because I jumped to conclusions and was clearly wrong.
    Last edited by mummymaybe; 30-05-2016 at 13:53.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashram View Post
    Not your body, not your choice, not your problem. You need to either see your gp for a referral or preferably ring mensline to organise to speak to someone about the high levels of control and ownership you feel towards your partners body.
    High levels of control and ownership? Not quite.

    Extremely uncomfortable with another man touching or seeing her there.

    I don't control anything that she does. She wouldn't let me if I tried and I have no intentions or draw to do so.

    I'm sad and angry at myself that a happy moment has this crap attached to it.

    Thanks for taking the time. :-)

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by TCK View Post
    Thank you.

    I am quite aware that I don't own her. You are also correct, she is very calm and collected. Very rational.

    Sexualising the situation was mentioned earlier and I did admit that perhaps I am doing just this. But upon thinking about it more I don't believe that's the case. Or perhaps it only a part of it.

    What I am feeling more is protectiveness. The need to protect her from anything bad happening. I am the reason medically that we need IVF. There is nothing wrong with her. I feel really guilty about this.

    This whole thing just doesn't make sense which is why I'm hear talking.

    Thanks for your input :-)
    I think you've hit the nail on the head. You feel guilt that your partner is doing IVF.

    Trust me, as someone who had to do IVF because of their partner, it's irrelevant why you're there. You're a team and you are in this together.

    The IVF clinic will have counsellors attached to it. Please contact them tomorrow and arrange some counselling for yourself. You don't need to protect her in this journey, she needs your support and at the moment you're not giving her that while you're focussed on your own problems.

    Please don't identify yourself on this forum. If you are genuine about helping her, help yourself.

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  6. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by TCK View Post
    What I am feeling more is protectiveness.
    I don't get this. You do not feel protective of invasive procedures done by a female but a male you do? And by what you described he observed and did not actually do the procedure?

    I would hazard a guess that maybe your feelings of guilt may be more of a reason. And somehow is projected onto any male that may be involved in rhe procedures (kinda like you feel you could not do it on your own and feel like another male is taking your place)???

  7. #36
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    Default Please seek help immediately!

    EVERYTHING Vic Park said and so much more. Dont even know where to start, or finish, if this post is actually genuine. Please leave your 'lady' and go and get some serious therapy before you consider continuing your relationship, let alone bringing another soul into the world (and God forbid, a female one).

  8. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by TCK View Post
    You're confused?

    I'M confused. I am and only ever have been male. I do not have a male partner and I do not have children. I am however the father of 5 miscarried babies.

    Why are people questioning my sincerity? I just don't understand.
    Depending on how you are accessing BH, have a look at your profile page and then click on posts. There are posts there from 2008-2012 from someone with a similar username who was female with a male partner and children. If this was not you/your account then maybe report it to mods.

    I think people are questioning your sincerity and genuineness (is that even a word?) is because you're making what is clearly a non-issue for your partner a MASSIVE issue. The only way to fix it is to see a counsellor so you can talk to a professional about how to deal with these feelings and emotions and how to control them. I can assure you that I have never once heard a male doctor I have worked with (of which there are many - probably more than females) talk about a patients genitals in a sexual or derogatory way. I highly doubt that they all sit out in the doctors room discussing a procedure they have just done in a sexual or derogatory way, because it is just that... a procedure. There is a reason doctors, midwives and nurses can say words like vagina, penis, vulva, semen, cervix etc etc without giggling like schoolgirls and boys. It's because it's part of our daily life. We talk about them, we look at them and we touch them all day long. Ok that last bit sounds wrong, but I'm sure you can get my point. As others have said, this is something you need to address before you go much further. What happens when your partner has an ultrasound and they want to perform a transvaginal ultrasound and the sonographer is male? Like it or not, you will encounter male professionals along your journey. If your partner has no problem with it, then neither should you. Infertility and IVF is already stressful enough without having to worry about your distorted perceptions of what is or isn't happening. Please talk to your partner about how you are feeling, but don't project it on to her. This is your issue, not hers. Then maybe see your GP and ask for a referral to a good counsellor. Best of luck to you and your partner.

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  10. #38
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    Default Irrational problem. Looking for anything to hold on to.

    Quote Originally Posted by M'LadyEm View Post
    Depending on how you are accessing BH, have a look at your profile page and then click on posts. There are posts there from 2008-2012 from someone with a similar username who was female with a male partner and children. If this was not you/your account then maybe report it to mods.

    I think people are questioning your sincerity and genuineness (is that even a word?) is because you're making what is clearly a non-issue for your partner a MASSIVE issue. The only way to fix it is to see a counsellor so you can talk to a professional about how to deal with these feelings and emotions and how to control them. I can assure you that I have never once heard a male doctor I have worked with (of which there are many - probably more than females) talk about a patients genitals in a sexual or derogatory way. I highly doubt that they all sit out in the doctors room discussing a procedure they have just done in a sexual or derogatory way, because it is just that... a procedure. There is a reason doctors, midwives and nurses can say words like vagina, penis, vulva, semen, cervix etc etc without giggling like schoolgirls and boys. It's because it's part of our daily life. We talk about them, we look at them and we touch them all day long. Ok that last bit sounds wrong, but I'm sure you can get my point. As others have said, this is something you need to address before you go much further. What happens when your partner has an ultrasound and they want to perform a transvaginal ultrasound and the sonographer is male? Like it or not, you will encounter male professionals along your journey. If your partner has no problem with it, then neither should you. Infertility and IVF is already stressful enough without having to worry about your distorted perceptions of what is or isn't happening. Please talk to your partner about how you are feeling, but don't project it on to her. This is your issue, not hers. Then maybe see your GP and ask for a referral to a good counsellor. Best of luck to you and your partner.
    I am using Tapatalk.

    I only created this account December 2014. I did this when I found out that we were unexpectedly expecting our first. This didn't pan out in the end.

    I will follow up on the BH website as I am definitely not the person I have been accused of being (female, husband with kids)

    My username is an acronym. The 'T' stands for team, the 'C' is my first name and the 'K' is her first name.

    I use the term "My Lady" as I don't know what acronyms to use. I don't use it as a possessive term. I use it with respect. Note the capital 'L' every time I use it. If this weren't an anonymous forum I would use her first name, without the 'my' in front of it.

    Despite some responses being helpful and others seem to be people sharpening their claws on me, the end result is the same.

    It seems I need more help than a forum such as this one can give.

    Thank you M'LadyEm for your rational responses. You gave me the handle I was grasping for.
    Last edited by TCK; 29-05-2016 at 11:30.

  11. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    I don't get this. You do not feel protective of invasive procedures done by a female but a male you do? And by what you described he observed and did not actually do the procedure?

    I would hazard a guess that maybe your feelings of guilt may be more of a reason. And somehow is projected onto any male that may be involved in rhe procedures (kinda like you feel you could not do it on your own and feel like another male is taking your place)???
    Now that's a lightbulb moment.

    I have been present for internal ultrasound scans with my ex wife and also my current partner. Initially I didn't really have an issue with them except for a little awkwardness that I expect would be fairly common.

    Your guess made me think and it has definitely hit something.

    I certainly do have a big problem with another man taking my place, even if it's using my own semen. I have strong feelings about a man doing/finishing the job I should be able to do. Until your comment I just didn't know.

    You may have just identified my problem. I am so hoping that you have!!!

  12. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by mummymaybe View Post
    No it probably wouldn't. I've read some previous posts of yours to get a better idea of your situation and it confused me much more. Changing your user name isn't the same as a whole new account, it's all still linked.

    I'm done there are plenty of honest genuine people on here to chat to and help.
    Changing my username?

    That is not the case here. I am about to log in to the BH website and see what people are talking about. I created this account from scratch. There was no changing anything.

    I resent the implication of your last sentence. It's not fair, it's not nice and it's not correct.


 
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