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  1. #131
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    Quote Originally Posted by TCK View Post
    There has been so many derogatory posts here it is utterly fascinating.

    I have re-read my initial post and from that I have received responses such as:

    That I am controlling.
    Ownership of my partner.
    That I am mistreating her.
    I am unfit to have or even be around children until I fix this.
    Implications of pedophilia.
    That I am sick in the head.

    If I tried to control my partner she would tell me where to stick it.

    If I told her what to do, or where to go or what to say she would tell me a whole lot more than you guys have told me here, plus she'd probably leave me if I kept going.

    DP does as she pleases, when she pleases. We both do.

    We let each other know what we're doing but at no point does she ever ask my permission. Not does she need to. I would never never even dream being like that, especially after my ex wife did exactly that to me. I was constantly monitored. Had to have a reason for going to or doing anything.

    I was frequently accused by her of being physically abusive, where the only times she was ever hurt by me was when I was trying to hold her wrists to stop her from laying into me because of something I said wrong. I've had several black eyes from her yet I'm the abuser.

    I got out of that by running and leaving everything behind.

    Now what makes you think I would EVER turn around and do the same to my partner?

    We are both free from having to explain anything we do except for decisions that affect both of us, such as finances. We discuss those.

    She has many male friends and several male practitioners of different fields.

    Excuse me for feeling majorly uncomfortable having another man see my DP naked from the waist down, regardless of his profession.
    Some of you took this to a sexual place. A place I did say could be playing a part. I retract that upon thinking about it. This is not sexual in nature.

    I have never told her that she cannot see male practitioners and I never will. If she told me right now that she will only ever see male gynosand fert specialists I would certainly question it, but I would never stop her. I would have to wear it.

    But she does not mind seeing only females. She doesn't care a damn. I asked her if it would be OK if we only saw females as of last week and she said that it was fine. She truly doesn't care.

    Keyword here is "asked".

    There is no immediate problem at the moment. I came here of my own accord to get opinions and see if I was an odd one out. To see if maybe I could get around this uncomfortability on my own to make things easier for us both, particularly when we have no choice but to see a male.

    Some of you have gone off on such wide tangents and it has resulted in the abuse I have received from several of you.

    For a short while today I was even questioning my own sanity. Are these women/ladies correct? Am I really like this?

    No! I am not.

    Perhaps I haven't conveyed myself adequately. Perhaps I have been too honest and it has frightened you. Perhaps it is not I that needs to "get over it".

    When we go to the beach she wears her two price bikini, I love it! I love seeing her in short shorts and skimpy clothes. Even out in public. She looks amazing.

    I simply am not comfortable having another man looking at her naked. Period.

    Talk about mountains out of ****ing mole hills!
    Op, You say your wife has agreed only to see female medical staff from now on, I am curious as to how you will react if it comes to a situation where a dr is indeed male in the future and being in the public system there will be no option. Will you reflect on your past behaviour and try to let the negative thoughts go and be supportive to your wife? I guarantee she will not feel relaxed if you are in the room staring down another male dr or nurse. I am not having a go, just curious if your attitude has swayed at all since listening to opinions of others (especially those who have a medical background and have dealt with procedures with the opposite sex)?

  2. #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarahd80 View Post
    Op, You say your wife has agreed only to see female medical staff from now on, I am curious as to how you will react if it comes to a situation where a dr is indeed male in the future and being in the public system there will be no option. Will you reflect on your past behaviour and try to let the negative thoughts go and be supportive to your wife? I guarantee she will not feel relaxed if you are in the room staring down another male dr or nurse. I am not having a go, just curious if your attitude has swayed at all since listening to opinions of others (especially those who have a medical background and have dealt with procedures with the opposite sex)?
    This thread is becoming quite long so it's likely you haven't seen this topic covered before. That's ok.

    In emergencies I would be most happy to have anyone save the life of my partner and/or child.

    I am still not comfortable with the idea of voluntarily seeking the assistance of a male.

    It's not a choice I am making. The thought of it makes me feel squeamish. The feeling you get when "someone walks over your grave". So much so that face goes flush. My palms are sweaty and I start trembling. This is what happened when we first met the trainee and it got worse when we moved to the procedure room. My partner wasn't aware until afterwards and only because I told her. I don't think the nurses noticed and I think the trainee did.

    I feel very uncomfortable with the idea and all I could think about last week was that I wanted this man to leave.

    Our previous clinic we went to was a male Dr. A very well known fertility Doctor on the Sunshine Coast. We changed clinics for a reason completely unrelated. I was present for a scan that he did and whilst it was a little uncomfortable there was no problem. Nothing was ever mentioned about his gender at any point.

    The reason I am here is because I WANT to be rid of this. But it isn't something I can simply choose. It's deeper than that.

    Who knows, but perhaps I was even picking up on a vibe that he put out. The feeling was immediate the moment he walked in. Maybe it was instinct. But then again, maybe not.

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  4. #133
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    Quote Originally Posted by TCK View Post
    This thread is becoming quite long so it's likely you haven't seen this topic covered before. That's ok.

    In emergencies I would be most happy to have anyone save the life of my partner and/or child.

    I am still not comfortable with the idea of voluntarily seeking the assistance of a male.

    It's not a choice I am making. The thought of it makes me feel squeamish. The feeling you get when "someone walks over your grave". So much so that face goes flush. My palms are sweaty and I start trembling. This is what happened when we first met the trainee and it got worse when we moved to the procedure room. My partner wasn't aware until afterwards and only because I told her. I don't think the nurses noticed and I think the trainee did.

    I feel very uncomfortable with the idea and all I could think about last week was that I wanted this man to leave.

    Our previous clinic we went to was a male Dr. A very well known fertility Doctor on the Sunshine Coast. We changed clinics for a reason completely unrelated. I was present for a scan that he did and whilst it was a little uncomfortable there was no problem. Nothing was ever mentioned about his gender at any point.

    The reason I am here is because I WANT to be rid of this. But it isn't something I can simply choose. It's deeper than that.

    Who knows, but perhaps I was even picking up on a vibe that he put out. The feeling was immediate the moment he walked in. Maybe it was instinct. But then again, maybe not.
    Not sure if this will make you feel better but generally with a public birth unless you are high risk then the appointments will be with midwives - so most likely female.

    There are hospitals that do midwife programs where you see a small group of midwives only. Are you on the Sunshine Coast? Or Brisbane area? Another option is a private midwife. Also, during pregnancy my appointments consisted of getting pathology/scan requests, checking heartbeat (with doppler - and this was 2nd trimester), checking uterus/bub positioning/growth etc (by pressing on stomach). The only time I had an internal was to check dilation (I had an induction booked - it was to see if I needed to be there overnight or morning).

    All scans after 7 weeks are generally external.

    So honestly there will probably be no issue. I would still advise of seeing someone. And I am glad you could speak to your DP about it too. I cannot imagine how hard IVF is so communicating is so important.

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  6. #134
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    Not sure if this will make you feel better but generally with a public birth unless you are high risk then the appointments will be with midwives - so most likely female.

    There are hospitals that do midwife programs where you see a small group of midwives only. Are you on the Sunshine Coast? Or Brisbane area? Another option is a private midwife. Also, during pregnancy my appointments consisted of getting pathology/scan requests, checking heartbeat (with doppler - and this was 2nd trimester), checking uterus/bub positioning/growth etc (by pressing on stomach). The only time I had an internal was to check dilation (I had an induction booked - it was to see if I needed to be there overnight or morning).

    All scans after 7 weeks are generally external.

    So honestly there will probably be no issue. I would still advise of seeing someone. And I am glad you could speak to your DP about it too. I cannot imagine how hard IVF is so communicating is so important.
    Yes I'm aware that midwife services are available.

    We are at Bribie Island so Caboolture will most likely be the place if needed.

    We are hoping to use a private midwife service but I believe Caboolture has a midwife group of some kind.

    The plan is for a home birth. That's what DP wants but she might change her mind. Will have to see how circumstances and choice play out.

    All of the things you've mentioned, all the different tests sound just fine. I have no problem with a male Dr. doing these things.

    Thankfully as far as IVF is concerned, we sailed through it. We were both expecting major mood swings and everything that comes with it. But everything was cruisy. She started to feel like a bit of a pin cushion towards the end but that was pretty much the worst of it.

    The reason for IVF is affecting us (ie. Me) much much more than the actual process. Barring the reason for this post of course!

  7. #135
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    For the record. Someone asked if I would be OK if a lesbian were performing the procedure or training etc. the answer is that I would be fine with it.

    In fact, I got the feeling that this trainee was gay. Just a feeling. I may be way off. Wedding ring but on his right hand. Is that what that means?

    But it still didn't change what I felt.

    No doubt someone is going to say I have a problem with people who are gay now. Go for it. I have several gay friends, just to stop you in your tracks.

  8. #136
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    I can PM you a private midwife recommendation if you would like? I think they might do homebirth.

  9. #137
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    Can I ask a question? Say you're at a classy pub with your partner. You're both standing up at the bar and enjoying a quiet drink. It suddenly gets crowded as bars do, without notice, and as a strange man makes his way to the bar to order, he touches your DP on the lower back, more purposefully and for way longer than is necessary.

    Are you reacting physically now as you think about it? Do you think you would comment to the man? Get physical? Get angry but do nothing? Not care?

    Or is it the 'exposed, vulnerable' nudity aspect of the Doctor scenario that bothers you?

    I'm not starting $hit, just interested in the difference in the two scenarios to your mind...

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    OP if your partner is ok with how you feel and is willing to entertain your wishes then let it be.
    Some men are more possessive then others. I think you need to keep the communication with your partner open, if both of you are happy then it's irrelevant what other people think.
    If you want to work through your issues then see a psychologist.
    On a personal level I would go bat s.hit crazy with your drama. But hey that's just me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    I can PM you a private midwife recommendation if you would like? I think they might do homebirth.
    That would be lovely! Thank you :-)

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    I still think it would be wise for you to seek professional help to work through this. You're lucky your DP is okay with your feelings and reaction to this. If you were my DP I would be upset that a medical procedure happening to me in a vulnerable position became a thing about you and your irritational thoughts. I would not be enabling you by only allowing females in...so, go and give your DP a big hug and tell her how lucky you are to have her.

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