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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Just a quick suggestion OP, would you be open to the grandmas looking after your dd2 for a few hours rather than dd1? This would allow you 1 on 1 bonding time with dd1 as well as establish relationships dd2 with her grandmas? I realise dd2 is very young however a short break of 1-2 hours would be wonderful for you, your dd1 will look forward to these times with you, and the grandmas would love all the newborn cuddles!

    I have similar anxieties as yourself (ds1 is 2yrs old, ds2 is 10mths) and the only way I've coped has been putting ds1 in daycare twice weekly. I miss him and our relationship dreadfully during these days but I need a break. I'm now transitioning ds2 into daycare and will alternate days between them so I have a balance of 1 on 1 time with each, as well as days when I have both of them. I wish I had a 'village' support network like you do and would certainly utilize the grandmas as much as i could.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    I have. It read any other comments her just yet. But I'd like to share my own experience as an uncle.

    I was living with my sister and her very new family of two weeks because my marriage broke down.

    The father of this little angel was and still is around. He had to work early.

    Every morning my sister (at my request and and offering) would wheel this two week old little girl into my room in her bassinet and then she'd go back to bed for another few hours. This was very early in he morning.

    There were several positive things that happened here.

    Mum (my sister) got a break for a few hours to get a really good uninterrupted sleep.

    I got to bond with my new niece and she with me. She would do what newborns do, then sleep, nappy change, then play a bit, then fart, then sleep.

    It was a joyous time for us all.

    We all got what we needed.

    Fast forward 2 years and my 'parenting style' is different to hers. I am a little stricter but I try to follow my sister and her partners lead. It is not my child regardless of the bond.

    My point here is that everyone has their own limits, in all aspects of life.

    If someone is willing and blue to provide help that not only makes your life easier but also could enrich the lives of those involved, my suggestion would be to take it.


    Your comment of difference in rules and discipline is a big one.

    Whilst I understand that one person may not be comfortable in enforcing the boundaries that you may have for your own children, it is almost a rite of passage that they respect them and to let the children know that consequences of undesirable behaviour based on their parents rules will eventually be felt.

    Boundaries must be set, however uncomfortable they may be to raise.

    Your Mother and Father raised you the best they knew how. Your MIL and FIL raised your partner the best they knew how.

    Now it is up to you, to raise your children, the best you know how.

    Accept the help. But on YOUR terms.

    You know what you need and what works for your family.

    Hope I helped and not hindered.

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    twinklify  (29-05-2016)

  4. #23
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post
    I say accept the help! I have almost this exact situation. DS1 is in daycare for three days a week while mum takes him one day on top of that, and I have a three week old DD. Honestly? I love DS1 so much it hurts but he's driving me nuts. I'm snappy and short tempered around him, which makes me feel terrible. He's better off with other people until I'm getting more sleep.

    I would take all the help you can get, personally, that's what I'm doing and everyone is happy.
    ^^^This. Without downplaying your anxiety at all, ^^^this. I have depression and anxiety, and two squids. My smallest is 4 months and my kindy kid goes to my parents on Mondays, with kindy taking up 5 days a fortnight. I need time with my LO on my own, especially in the first months when we were getting to know each other, establishing feeding etc. You don't want to look back on this time, hating it. With my first, I didn't take help when it was offered. I tried to be strong, and do it all on my own. I put too much pressure on myself, I thought I *should* be able to manage on my own. It made my depression and anxiety worse. This time, I know I'll be a happier human being, as well as a happier Mum if I have a break from my kindy kid, and just have my LO on my own sometimes.

    It is NOT a sign of weakness taking the help offered.

    Perhaps start off in smaller timeframes as suggested by others. Maybe start with one grandparent one week and other the next, for half a day each, see how you deal with that. Be prepared to miss your child too, even if they are driving you up wall, you will still miss them. Take the help to keep your sanity.


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