+ Reply to Thread
Page 4 of 6 FirstFirst ... 23456 LastLast
Results 31 to 40 of 54
  1. #31
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    1,936
    Thanks
    62
    Thanked
    1,260
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Fwiw, my cousin (male) came home one day to find his partners stuff and all the babies stuff packed up and gone. She he also had an AVO against him. She did it because apparently she had been planning to leave and she thought if she put an AVO she would get full custody.
    It was all investigated and some things were found out and my cousin actually ended up with custody over the kids. She was the abusive one. (Emotionally, mentally, etc). She was quite unwell. It got to the point she wasn't feeding the kid or dressing him appropriately etc. he was just a pawn for her, for who knows what.

    If definitely can happen that AVOs are made with bad intention.

  2. #32
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    291
    Thanks
    62
    Thanked
    64
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Forget gender - for me it's about sharing intimate details of your life and forming an emotional bond with someone who is potentially banging material. The fact that the OP and K used to date is just icing on the ickiness.
    We dated in highschool when we were 15. We didn't do anything sexual (just kissed) and we've both had several relationships after that. I'm happy with my partner (apart from a few issues, which I didn't mention to said ex/friend) and he (up until now) was happily married.
    We've been friends longer than bf/gf. We dated a year. I've been with my current partner almost 4 years. He's been married 8/7 years. I was also engaged to my ex for years too.
    Believe it or not ex's (especially after
    18 years) can be friends!

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Homeschooling4 For This Useful Post:

    Mamasupial  (28-05-2016)

  4. #33
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    291
    Thanks
    62
    Thanked
    64
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Ahalfdozen View Post
    Fwiw, my cousin (male) came home one day to find his partners stuff and all the babies stuff packed up and gone. She he also had an AVO against him. She did it because apparently she had been planning to leave and she thought if she put an AVO she would get full custody.
    It was all investigated and some things were found out and my cousin actually ended up with custody over the kids. She was the abusive one. (Emotionally, mentally, etc). She was quite unwell. It got to the point she wasn't feeding the kid or dressing him appropriately etc. he was just a pawn for her, for who knows what.

    If definitely can happen that AVOs are made with bad intention.
    K's wife is known to be violent/agressuve. Not saying she ever was towards him or the kids but she admitted many times of getting into punch-ons at school and at work.

  5. #34
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    291
    Thanks
    62
    Thanked
    64
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Cut the OP some slack. You have zero evidence this guy is an abuser. It's really unfair to make suggestions like this based on nothing but a hunch.
    Exactly! Thankyou! I know damn well he isn't abusive! But I do know M has admitted to being violent herself (not towards him/the kids mind you).

  6. #35
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Gippsland
    Posts
    15,034
    Thanks
    1,271
    Thanked
    4,213
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Homeschooling4 View Post
    Yeah I understand...
    I'm just saying I've known him since he was 15. Never been violent or agressuve. We dated for a year in year 10.
    I'm not taking sides and I sincerely hope that your friend sorts this out, but as a PP said, sometimes you think you know a person but actually things happen that you have no idea about. I dated a guy in year 10 and we had a casual thing going later when we were 19. He was a complete gentleman with me, wouldn't hurt a fly. About 10 years later a woman contacted me (found me through Facebook) and asked what he was like when I was dating him. I told her that I never had any issues. I was shocked when she informed me that he was really abusive with her and that he ended up being charged and convicted of domestic violence offences. They had a son together and he was only allowed a two hour supervised access visit each week, in the presence of a court official or something. She said that he always spoke highly of me, and that's partially why she decided to contact me.

    Anyway, my point is that things can happen behind closed doors and some people are choosy about who they show their true colours to.

    If your friend is innocent then I wish him all the best in clearing his name. It must be awful to be accused of something you didn't do. I've seen it first hand with my DP and his exW so I know that women can also manipulate the system and cause a huge amount of stress for men. If your friend's wife is making false accusations then what a monumental waste of people's time and resources. That actually makes me really mad. Lawyers have better things to do than spend time fighting false claims.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Hollywood For This Useful Post:

    Homeschooling4  (26-05-2016)

  8. #36
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    sunshine coast qld
    Posts
    6,476
    Thanks
    5,147
    Thanked
    3,028
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    To go back to your original post, the only thing I thought of that you could do, would be to write a personal reference for your friend K. My brother was put into a similar situation by his ex-wife. My brother asked every friend and family member to give a written statement that was put before the judge. Everything went in my brothers favour. I agree no one knows what happens behind closed doors, but you can still support your friend until you learn more of the situation. marie.

  9. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to SuperGranny For This Useful Post:

    Homeschooling4  (26-05-2016),Janesmum123  (26-05-2016),Redcorset  (28-05-2016)

  10. #37
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    151
    Thanks
    126
    Thanked
    72
    Reviews
    0
    I would wait until your friends parents return home and leave it up to them to support him.
    I suppose it depends on how close you all are though, do you see them both often? Are you close to both of them or only him? Or are you more of an old friend, an acquaintance?
    If he is guilty of DV, be careful he isn't involving you to try and make his wife second guess the dvo over jealosuly. DV perps do strange things to try and get their partners back.
    No we don't know what happens behind closed doors and even some of those that do know DV is happening, choose to ignore it and not get involved, or refuse to face that their friend or family member is like that.

    On the other hand PND may have been what led her to take out the DVO.
    Or it may just be his excuse as to why she has taken it out, maybe she doesn't even have PND. Or she may have PND, but may also be a victim of DV. We just don't know.

    There are some women (no doubt men too) who take DVOs out on false allegations.
    Usually they do it once the relationship has already ended though and the couple has gone their seperate ways and they are wanting full parental responsibility.
    Usually there is a new partner involved and they want only him to be the father figure, or they may want to relocate overseas or interstate knowing the other parent wouldnt agree to not seeing his children on a regular basis, so need that full parental responsibility so they don't need his prior written approval. Sometimes it's because the father has a new partner and the mother of the children has jealously issues so doesn't want the children around the new partner.
    In your friends case we don't know if anything is going on like this, but since they were still together and living together that same day, then it isn't likely.

    The DVO can change his time spent with his children, in the way that if she does get it approved, she can now choose to apply to the family court with it, and seek full parental responsibility, it doesn't mean it will be given though, but if so, she is solely responsible for any life changing decisions then and he will have no say, for example, where they live, go to school, obtaining passports, travel, religion, Drs etc plus it could mean less visitation an6s supervised visits either in a contact centre where a stranger will watch him with the kids, or via a court approved other family member, like his parents, or even hers.

    However there are couples who have a dvo then continue on with their relationship.

    All he can do is plead his case, provide any evidence, phone records, his history, the medical issues happening, letters from the hospital, Drs etc.
    It will probably be adjourned when he first appears, the Judge will ask for any witnesses to appear at the next hearing no doubt. If he decides not to go to court, the dvo will be granted.

    As you don't know for sure if he is innocent or not, i would be very cautious and wait until the parents are back to offer him that support if it were me.

  11. #38
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    291
    Thanks
    62
    Thanked
    64
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by monroe78 View Post
    I would wait until your friends parents return home and leave it up to them to support him.
    I suppose it depends on how close you all are though, do you see them both often? Are you close to both of them or only him? Or are you more of an old friend, an acquaintance?
    If he is guilty of DV, be careful he isn't involving you to try and make his wife second guess the dvo over jealosuly. DV perps do strange things to try and get their partners back.
    No we don't know what happens behind closed doors and even some of those that do know DV is happening, choose to ignore it and not get involved, or refuse to face that their friend or family member is like that.

    On the other hand PND may have been what led her to take out the DVO.
    Or it may just be his excuse as to why she has taken it out, maybe she doesn't even have PND. Or she may have PND, but may also be a victim of DV. We just don't know.

    There are some women (no doubt men too) who take DVOs out on false allegations.
    Usually they do it once the relationship has already ended though and the couple has gone their seperate ways and they are wanting full parental responsibility.
    Usually there is a new partner involved and they want only him to be the father figure, or they may want to relocate overseas or interstate knowing the other parent wouldnt agree to not seeing his children on a regular basis, so need that full parental responsibility so they don't need his prior written approval. Sometimes it's because the father has a new partner and the mother of the children has jealously issues so doesn't want the children around the new partner.
    In your friends case we don't know if anything is going on like this, but since they were still together and living together that same day, then it isn't likely.

    The DVO can change his time spent with his children, in the way that if she does get it approved, she can now choose to apply to the family court with it, and seek full parental responsibility, it doesn't mean it will be given though, but if so, she is solely responsible for any life changing decisions then and he will have no say, for example, where they live, go to school, obtaining passports, travel, religion, Drs etc plus it could mean less visitation an6s supervised visits either in a contact centre where a stranger will watch him with the kids, or via a court approved other family member, like his parents, or even hers.

    However there are couples who have a dvo then continue on with their relationship.

    All he can do is plead his case, provide any evidence, phone records, his history, the medical issues happening, letters from the hospital, Drs etc.
    It will probably be adjourned when he first appears, the Judge will ask for any witnesses to appear at the next hearing no doubt. If he decides not to go to court, the dvo will be granted.

    As you don't know for sure if he is innocent or not, i would be very cautious and wait until the parents are back to offer him that support if it were me.
    His wife is from Chile. She has mentioned wanting to go back there.

    K has never had any criminal history or on drugs or anything. He is recovering from cancer too (he's in remission).

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to Homeschooling4 For This Useful Post:

    monroe78  (26-05-2016)

  13. #39
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,976
    Thanks
    808
    Thanked
    969
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by mummymaybe View Post
    Please remember that people can be very very different behind closed doors. We knew a couple very well and were shocked to hear they had seperated due to domestic violence, he came across as an incredibly caring loving gentle husband. The truth was an emotionally and physically abusive man who had no regard for his wife.

    While I hope your friend is wrongly accused it's important to remember not everything is always as it seems.
    I here exactly what you are saying here. This was how my first marriage was. Everyone thought he was a catch but behind doors he turned narcisstic, violent and a seriously bad temper that unfortunately I used to cop physically even when pregnant, finally he left and I was able to get an intervention but you need a lot of evidence and police reports to get one.

    My advice for poster is to not interfere with this one at all.

  14. #40
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,976
    Thanks
    808
    Thanked
    969
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by monroe78 View Post
    I would wait until your friends parents return home and leave it up to them to support him.
    I suppose it depends on how close you all are though, do you see them both often? Are you close to both of them or only him? Or are you more of an old friend, an acquaintance?
    If he is guilty of DV, be careful he isn't involving you to try and make his wife second guess the dvo over jealosuly. DV perps do strange things to try and get their partners back.
    No we don't know what happens behind closed doors and even some of those that do know DV is happening, choose to ignore it and not get involved, or refuse to face that their friend or family member is like that.

    On the other hand PND may have been what led her to take out the DVO.
    Or it may just be his excuse as to why she has taken it out, maybe she doesn't even have PND. Or she may have PND, but may also be a victim of DV. We just don't know.

    There are some women (no doubt men too) who take DVOs out on false allegations.
    Usually they do it once the relationship has already ended though and the couple has gone their seperate ways and they are wanting full parental responsibility.
    Usually there is a new partner involved and they want only him to be the father figure, or they may want to relocate overseas or interstate knowing the other parent wouldnt agree to not seeing his children on a regular basis, so need that full parental responsibility so they don't need his prior written approval. Sometimes it's because the father has a new partner and the mother of the children has jealously issues so doesn't want the children around the new partner.
    In your friends case we don't know if anything is going on like this, but since they were still together and living together that same day, then it isn't likely.

    The DVO can change his time spent with his children, in the way that if she does get it approved, she can now choose to apply to the family court with it, and seek full parental responsibility, it doesn't mean it will be given though, but if so, she is solely responsible for any life changing decisions then and he will have no say, for example, where they live, go to school, obtaining passports, travel, religion, Drs etc plus it could mean less visitation an6s supervised visits either in a contact centre where a stranger will watch him with the kids, or via a court approved other family member, like his parents, or even hers.

    However there are couples who have a dvo then continue on with their relationship.

    All he can do is plead his case, provide any evidence, phone records, his history, the medical issues happening, letters from the hospital, Drs etc.
    It will probably be adjourned when he first appears, the Judge will ask for any witnesses to appear at the next hearing no doubt. If he decides not to go to court, the dvo will be granted.

    As you don't know for sure if he is innocent or not, i would be very cautious and wait until the parents are back to offer him that support if it were me.
    You've hit the nail on the head. But having been through this. There are options at the first hearing, he can appear and ask for an extension to prepare which will be granted. When he goes back the 2nd time he can either plead guilty then the DVO will be granted or not guilty if in this case it goes to trial and both parties need to be present. For the M she would of had to of made and paid for application then Gone to court without him even knowing and have presented all of her evidence before the magistra for them to even consider it going forward. This is exactly how mine was in 2012. I had multiple folders of pictures of myself, police reports, statements and even letters from the Ex writing abusive letters to myself, my child and my family.

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to babybeeno1 For This Useful Post:

    monroe78  (26-05-2016)


 

Similar Threads

  1. New friend.
    By 2BlueBirds in forum General Chat
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 18-09-2015, 22:46
  2. Fertility Friend No Friend Of Mine
    By InWatermelonSugar in forum Conception & Fertility General Chat
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 07-09-2015, 17:56
  3. Replies: 8
    Last Post: 29-08-2015, 16:08

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
Life FertilityLife Fertility Clinic is a boutique fertility clinic located in Spring Hill, Brisbane. Our dedicated fertility and IVF ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›