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  1. #11
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    I agree to stay out of it as no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

    My dad doesn't have much of a temper, does not come across as aggressive at all. He isn't. He was always completely calm and in control of his actions when he struck any one of us.

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  3. #12
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    Stay out of it. The courts and police will sort it out. If he has a lawyer that where he should be getting his advice from.

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  5. #13
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    Default Need advice for a friend..

    You probably should leave it up to the police and the courts and just stay out of it...

    I'm sorry, that's probably not what you want to hear!!!!
    Last edited by preggasaurus; 26-05-2016 at 11:05.

  6. #14
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    Yeah I get that some men are violent but hypertherically if he isn't (and I know he's not. You can all say/think whatever you want) what can he do?
    What happens when some makes false allegations against you?

  7. #15
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    What's he doing sending you messages?

    Chances are whatever the truth is, you only know a small portion of it.

    I wouldn't engage in chit chat with K about his marriage to his wife.

  8. #16
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    unfortunately there isnt that much that you can do. Only be supportive and ... well .. just 'there' for your friend.

    Hopefully he gets things sorted out a bit in court.


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    Because we are friends. He didn't know who else to go to. His parents are overseas on holiday and didn't want to say anything to them yet.

  10. #18
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    I'm with the others. Simplest explanation would be that she has good reason for the order. I went to highschool with a guy who, as it turns out, is attracted to children. I knew him very well for about 10 years...never would have guessed.

    If you want to support him, just be there as someone to talk to. Otherwise leave it to the courts.

  11. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Homeschooling4 View Post
    Because we are friends. He didn't know who else to go to. His parents are overseas on holiday and didn't want to say anything to them yet.
    It sits uncomfortable with me for a male (ex) to PM a partnered female about his relationship woes. If his parents aren't around ... doesn't he have any other fiends?

  12. #20
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    What is the function of her lying though? Even in cases of substantiated abuse, the courts only rule the AVO for her and allow him to keep seeing the kids, so it's not to stop him seeing his child. We don't live in Saudia Arabia, women can leave of their own accord, so it isn't just to get out of the marriage. To hurt him?

    Had he said that they had been having ongoing issues I would have believed the possibility that she was doing it out of spite but he says everything was hunky dory. Obviously I don't know your friend but I worked with a lot of abusers and if I had a dollar for every time I got the gas lighting "she's a nutcase, she's making it up to hurt me/bc she's mentally unwell" I'd be rich. Abusers tend to be charismatic and charming, if they weren't they would never entrap as many women as they do. I would say it's Occam's Razor here - the most obvious answer is the correct one - he's a closet abuser.

    As to what you can do for him - apart from be there, there isn't much. Personally I would be careful casting him as a victim as I suspect there is much more to come out before this is done and you are going to be shocked.

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