Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

[Catzilla]

Maybe a better question might be, "When does it become okay to voice your judgement to the person concerned"?

[A-Squared]

Maybe a better question might be, "When does it become okay to voice your judgement to the person concerned"?

This is very true!

My initial question when is it okay to judge as the other thread featured many people who sounded like they didn't think judging was ever valid or they don't ever judge others, which I found an interesting concept.

But I agree with you, we pretty much all judge whether we admit to it or not, so yes for sure, the question should be about when is it okay to voice it.... Because we all judge!

[HillDweller]

Maybe a better question might be, "When does it become okay to voice your judgement to the person concerned"?

Yes, I think that is the question. My answer would be - when someone is actually in danger from another persons actions. And real danger - not some ridiculous perceived 'danger' because they're not doing something the way you would do it.

Example: Do I judge people who leave their dog outside all day and night, barely interact with them and they are basically a 'resident' at their house, but not part of their family? Yep. Should I say something? No. The dog might not be living as happy a life as my dogs and I would feel sad for them, but if they have food, water and shelter, it's actually not my business to say anything. If the same person lets their very young child play outside, unsupervised next to this same dog, chewing a bone tied to a chain - do I judge? Yep. Should I say something? Yep.

I have to say though, from the perspective of someone who had exactly zero to do with children and no friends with children up until this point, the "Mummy shaming" I've since discovered exists is the most gobsmacking, ridiculous pile of dung I've ever come across! Good grief, mums shaming OTHER MUMS no matter what they do. The sorts of things I've seen in person and all over the internet have left me speechless. There seems to be some warped idea that mums should be completely perfect, omniscient people and anything less is totally unacceptable. It's just sad.

[MrsTugs]

I haven't read through, but honestly I think it's the word choice used. "Judging" can never and will never have positive outcomes.
There's a difference between having an opinion, and educating someone in their maybe not so good opinion, and judging.
Saying "I think that this person should not be giving her child Coke because the child doesn't need it and she will be battling obesity" is an opinion. Telling the mother in a constructive way, that's education.
But saying "she's a bad mum, her children should be taken off her. How dare she give her baby Coke", well that's judging and it's not okay.

[MrsMummaButterfly]

At the end of the day, we all try to do what we think is best. One person's best is not the same as the next persons best.
It's human nature to form an opinion, and judge. But I try to keep my ideas to myself, especially if it doesn't affect me or hurt anyone.

Exactly this!
Good god if i voiced every single opinion i had, i would have no friends!
And another thing is that, no one else truly knows another persons situation, everyone has their own story to tell, and rather than people constantly judging one another, just worry about yourselves.

Glasshouses, people.

[Anjalee]

I judge/form an opinion in my head on most things, I think we all do naturally. But I keep my judgement/opinion to myself a lot more these days (thanks to BH actually) and really only discuss my judgey comments with my husband at home. Sometimes I do let rip if it's something I'm passionate about, but I always feel super bad afterwards because at the end of the day, there are definitely people out there who wouldn't agree with how I parent.

However, I think when the safety of a child or illegal practices are taking place people should be allowed to judge and openly.

[A-Squared]

[QUOTE=Anjalee;8478039.

However, I think when the safety of a child or illegal practices are taking place people should be allowed to judge and openly.[/QUOTE]

This is where the 'problem' with judging lies. People have varying levels to which they see 'safety' some parent let kids walk to school, stay home at certain ages etc, but other parents would see big of those things as unsafe

[babyno1onboard]

I judge people all the time!!! I try my hardest to put myself in their shoes first and take into consideration cultural, educational, financial, religious, etc differences. Of course I still don't know everything about someone situation so also keep that in the back of my mind. I don't really judge people from media reports as they are usually skewed to create headlines.

I rarely voice my judgement to someone's face unless there is a serious threat to someone's safety. I will often voice my judgments to DF and we have a little vent about in private.

From a parenting perspective i often judge (to DF) friends and family who only feed their kids unhealthy food and those who don't follow car seat safety standards.

[Anjalee]

This is where the 'problem' with judging lies. People have varying levels to which they see 'safety' some parent let kids walk to school, stay home at certain ages etc, but other parents would see big of those things as unsafe

Yeah that's a good point!

[VicPark]

And I think Rachel finch is a blooming genius! I see no difference in her actions compared to a family where the kids go to daycare 4-5 days FT and are asleep 7-7 or thereabouts. How much waking time do they have with their kids all week?

Are you really comparing parents putting their kids in childcare so they can EARN A LIVING with someone who sends their kid elsewhere so they can ?relax?with the hubby? ....

I apologise if I have Mis-interpreted your post however it reads to me like you're having a judgey dig at parents who (unlike you) work outside the home and whose kids sleep 7am-7pm. Which would be ironic given the purpose of this thread. Apologies again if I have misinterpreted - if I have worst case scenario this presents an opportunity for you to clarify so those working mummies out there reading along don't feel do bad.