So the Rachel Finch thread got me thinking.....
The general sentiment was - we know nothing about the family dynamic or history so I can't judge. Fair point.
But when does it become okay to judge? Only if someone is doing something illegal? Whenever you disagree with something? Never? When something goes against your principles? When you have extensive experience in the same situation?
Where do you draw the line?
Also is it different to judge openly or inwardly. Eg I think I actually judge Rachel Finch, as it is my opinion that it is selfish what she is doing, but I wouldn't actually ever say she shouldn't be doing it or should do it my way.
So I guess what I'm saying is, to me it is human nature to judge, and I'm okay with people judging things, but in a way that doesn't make another feel like rubbish about themselves.
I mean surely those of us who would never do what Rachel Finch does, I think that means we automatically judge that as being something we don't agree with, and that's okay to judge and it is also okay to do so but follow it up with 'each to their own'.
Without judgement, I personally think there would never be any laws, morals would be set in stone and we would all have the same morals. But life isn't like that, so to me judgement is a necessary part of life, but it needs to be done in a way that is not hurtful to others.
So what does everyone think?
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12-05-2016 07:57 #1
Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?
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12-05-2016 08:03 #2
look I think it's ok to hold an opinion. it's natural to hear something and react inwardly to it. you can't switch that off.
is it ok to judge? no, it's probably not socially acceptable. unless you're judging from the majority perspective and crucifying a minority group or individual.
but we all do it.
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12-05-2016 08:06 #3
I'm OK with judging as quite frankly I don't care much about other people's opinions of my choices.
I do acknowledge that people in vulnerable mindsets are more like ly to be influenced by other people's opinions/judgements.
I judge actions all the time but rarely voice my them on bubhub. I save them for facebook and my family/friends IRL.
12-05-2016 08:08 #4
And I think Rachel finch is a blooming genius! I see no difference in her actions compared to a family where the kids go to daycare 4-5 days FT and are asleep 7-7 or thereabouts. How much waking time do they have with their kids all week?
12-05-2016 08:17 #5
Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?
Most of my judging gets done as pillow talk between my husband and I. We might discuss things we have seen and don't agree with etc. but I think that it's can actually be a good thing, especially in regards to parenting, because we both basically know what each other think is unacceptable.
We both used to work in various forms of law enforcement I I found that a certain degree of inward judging in that context was conducive to risk assessments. It didn't mean you always acted on it, but you would be silly not to take in all relevant information and adjust accordingly. And I can assure you, it wasn't judgement in the way a lot of people would think.
But back to talking about judging other parents say, I have absolutely done it. Mostly inwardly as more of a "we will have to agree to disagree" thing and I have continued to get along perfectly with these people. There are, however, times where I could not bite my tongue because in my opinion, something was actually being done wrong. Not wrong in my opinion. Actually wrong. People should have outwardly judged my parents, and shamed then for their wrong choices. I sure do now.
ETA in terms of Rachel what's-her/name (no idea who she is!!), I don't judge her on it particularly. It is so far from something I would do but I know people who are away from their kids a lot and I just think, maybe that works for them. They probably think I'm a bit odd at the other end of that spectrum, and too clingy or something haha.
Last edited by Ahalfdozen; 12-05-2016 at 08:20.
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12-05-2016 08:30 #6
12-05-2016 08:38 #7
I judge. I like to think I make an assessment based on known factors and form an opinion then.
I find it very very hard to believe when people say they never judge. Some things need judging, there has to be certain standards in society beyond what's enforceable by law and frankly some people are selfish and lazy and their behaviour deserves judging.
If someone needs help, I'm the first to offer. But I've no qualms about judging where something deserves judging (from my own personal perspective which of course everyone differs).
And yes, I judge Rachel Finch and her husband, having a child free weekend every single weekend is ridiculous.
12-05-2016 08:40 #8
I agree that it is probably human nature to do it. It is how we express it that matters.
I am far less judgmental than I used to be. As I get older I realise very little of what we see of people is actually real.
I do try to keep my thoughts to myself if they are negative. Having been on the receiving end of judgmental behaviour many times in my life I know how hurtful it can be - particularly when the judgments are unjustified and based on limited information.
12-05-2016 09:01 #9
Like pp I'm definitely a lot less judgemental than I used be ( before kids!) and I definitely still judge ( I believe everyone does ) but it's more personal preferences and nothing too *****y as I do believe what I think is the right way may not necessarily be for everyone else but I will definitely speak up if I feel there is harm being done ( intentionally or not) , when someone says something inappropriate or if I see a child being harmed , sometimes regardless of circumstances some things are not ok and need to be spoken about
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12-05-2016 09:10 #10
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