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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by Renn View Post
    .
    Where does this idea comes from that once a couple have children they must sacrifice all hope of time as a couple.!
    They don't have to sacrifice all hope for alone time. Maybe just aim a little lower than 25% of heir kids life is all.

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  3. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    it just seems a bit mean, dumping your kid and going off together to enjoy yourselves child free. it kind of implies to me that you can't properly enjoy yourself with your child.

    dunno, just makes me feel a bit sorry for the child.
    Sometimes you can't properly enjoy yourself with your child - for us we won't both drink if DS is with us, but if he's at mums and we are out we will have a few drinks and catch a cab home if we don't have DS to look after for the night, same with some dinners, sometimes I do want DH all to myself and go to a fancy restaurant without worrying about keeping DS entertained or getting home before he gets tired, or we often have to talk about work and office stuff and that's not fair on DS to sit through , we do heaps of things together as a family but yep we need time alone and he absolutely has a ball at Nannas house , especially when his other cousins are also there , I know I'm lucky as I have a village , I've never needed day care and our family always looks after each other's kids when needed

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  5. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elijahs Mum View Post
    Sometimes you can't properly enjoy yourself with your child - for us we won't both drink if DS is with us, but if he's at mums and we are out we will have a few drinks and catch a cab home if we don't have DS to look after for the night, same with some dinners, sometimes I do want DH all to myself and go to a fancy restaurant without worrying about keeping DS entertained or getting home before he gets tired, or we often have to talk about work and office stuff and that's not fair on DS to sit through , we do heaps of things together as a family but yep we need time alone and he absolutely has a ball at Nannas house , especially when his other cousins are also there , I know I'm lucky as I have a village , I've never needed day care and our family always looks after each other's kids when needed
    I agree. I don't disagree with what she does, just the frequency she does it.

    How often does he go to the grandparents while you and your DH go out and enjoy yourselves?

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  7. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elijahs Mum View Post
    Sometimes you can't properly enjoy yourself with your child - for us we won't both drink if DS is with us, but if he's at mums and we are out we will have a few drinks and catch a cab home if we don't have DS to look after for the night, same with some dinners, sometimes I do want DH all to myself and go to a fancy restaurant without worrying about keeping DS entertained or getting home before he gets tired, or we often have to talk about work and office stuff and that's not fair on DS to sit through , we do heaps of things together as a family but yep we need time alone and he absolutely has a ball at Nannas house , especially when his other cousins are also there , I know I'm lucky as I have a village , I've never needed day care and our family always looks after each other's kids when needed
    We go out about twice a month without kids. We have a really great babysitter the kids love. Last night we went to a comedy show then dinner with friends. Definitely not kid friendly.

    Why is it so all or nothing? Don't you feel you can really relax unless your son is out for the whole night?

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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    I agree. I don't disagree with what she does, just the frequency she does it.

    How often does he go to the grandparents while you and your DH go out and enjoy yourselves?
    It used to be nearly every Saturday night when he was a toddler but once pre school then school started and I started working it's not as regular ( more school holidays and if we have something specific on which with work functions maybe once a month ) for me 2 nights every week would be too much but when he gets older - 8 ish plus - he will probably go down the coast with my in laws to their beach house for a week in the school holidays like my nieces do as they all have a blast down there ( they get sooo many holidays!)

    I did exactly the same thing as a child, I always remember helping mum get dressed up when they used to go out, I like that kids get to see their parents be regular humans every once and a while

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    Default Rachael Finch under fire - MIL babysits child every weekend

    Quote Originally Posted by Elijahs Mum View Post
    It used to be nearly every Saturday night when he was a toddler but once pre school then school started and I started working it's not as regular ( more school holidays and if we have something specific on which with work functions maybe once a month ) for me 2 nights every week would be too much but when he gets older - 8 ish plus - he will probably go down the coast with my in laws to their beach house for a week in the school holidays like my nieces do as they all have a blast down there ( they get sooo many holidays!)

    I did exactly the same thing as a child, I always remember helping mum get dressed up when they used to go out, I like that kids get to see their parents be regular humans every once and a while
    I think that's great! I think that's very balanced.

    You hit the nail on the head thigh when you say every once and a while.

    I absolutely agree parents need time to just themselves, we can't be martyrs as that's not good for anyone, I just think 2 nights and an entire day every week is excessive and selfish.

    We didn't have grandparents growing up, but my brother and I had godparents who would look after us when mum and dad went out. It was probably only 5 or 6 times a year and we used to LOVE doing that, but because it was such a novelty.

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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    I think that's great! I think that's very balanced.

    You hit the nail on the head thigh when you say every once and a while.

    I absolutely agree parents need time to just themselves, we can't be martyrs as that's not good for anyone, I just think 2 nights and an entire day every week is excessive and selfish.

    We didn't have grandparents growing up, but my brother and I had godparents who would look after us when mum and dad went out. It was probably only 5 or 6 times a year and we used to LOVE doing that, but because it was such a novelty.
    Maybe that's a bit of a reason people are so polar? I saw my grandparents every single day growing up -their house was as much my house as my own was, they were a part of my immediate family.
    I felt so loved there and so secure there. As much as if I were in my own home.
    I never ever felt palmed off or anything - the opposite if anything.

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  13. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    Maybe that's a bit of a reason people are so polar? I saw my grandparents every single day growing up -their house was as much my house as my own was, they were a part of my immediate family.
    I felt so loved there and so secure there. As much as if I were in my own home.
    I never ever felt palmed off or anything - the opposite if anything.
    Sounds like you had a wonderful childhood.

    People are less likely to judge things they are familiar with, and more likely to judge things they are unfamiliar with.

  14. #79
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    Maybe that's a bit of a reason people are so polar? I saw my grandparents every single day growing up -their house was as much my house as my own was, they were a part of my immediate family.
    I felt so loved there and so secure there. As much as if I were in my own home.
    I never ever felt palmed off or anything - the opposite if anything.
    Same. I slept at my Nan and pop's at least once a week. Often twice. My great grandma or my nanna picked me up from school (or met me at the bus stop down the track) or after school care. I have nothing but fond memories of this time, and I am very close with my mum and don't see it as her palming me off or anything.

    I probably wouldn't do it with DS but that's circumstantial.... My mum and dad are too busy to have him sleep over, my in laws already live with one of their grandsons and I feel it would be too much to ask but if the circumstances were like my own I would totally do it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    Same. I slept at my Nan and pop's at least once a week. Often twice. My great grandma or my nanna picked me up from school (or met me at the bus stop down the track) or after school care. I have nothing but fond memories of this time, and I am very close with my mum and don't see it as her palming me off or anything.

    I probably wouldn't do it with DS but that's circumstantial.... My mum and dad are too busy to have him sleep over, my in laws already live with one of their grandsons and I feel it would be too much to ask but if the circumstances were like my own I would totally do it.
    Same with me in terms of I lived too far away from my parents for them to have regular sleepovers with my kids but they come to the farm regularly for weeks at a time and my kids see my parents as friends and confidants. My DD who's ten will often chat to mum and dad on the phone for hours at a time.

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