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  1. #151
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    Whatever happened to 'it takes a village' ?? I'm quite envious of Finchy... in more ways than one

  2. #152
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    No one has said grandparents shouldn't look after their grand children. No one has said the parents should be the only carers. No one has said parents shouldn't take time to themselves individually or as a couple. No one has said she's a bad mother.

    The thing she is being questioned about is the frequency and reasons behind it. The two in this situation combined, to me, in my opinion is too much and for me, I find it selfish - again due to the reasons behind it and the frequency of it.

    If she had said she was suffering PND or PNA and is struggling with parenthood, I would absolutely 100% not have said it was selfish. However she has boasted about all of the free time and couples time they get every single weekend, has just rubbed me up the wrong way.

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  4. #153
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post

    If she had said she was suffering PND or PNA and is struggling with parenthood, I would absolutely 100% not have said it was selfish. However she has boasted about all of the free time and couples time they get every single weekend, has just rubbed me up the wrong way.
    What if doing this is the reason she didn't develop PND/PNA?

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  6. #154
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    Default Rachael Finch under fire - MIL babysits child every weekend

    The thing that annoys me about this subject is that people have decided some things are ok to leave your kids for but others aren't?

    When DD1 was 8 months old I went back to a role that meant she was in daycare from 7am-6pm. Rachel Finch would be spending more time with her kid than I did.

    With DD2 I had PND and would have left her in daycare 24/7 for a period there if that were an option. So I'm bloody lucky my parents could help out and take her off my hands for sleepovers.

    Rachel Finch also did clarify at some point after the original article was written that it wasn't every single weekend and her daughter is home with either Rachel or her husband every single day during the week.

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  8. #155
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    No one has said grandparents shouldn't look after their grand children. No one has said the parents should be the only carers. No one has said parents shouldn't take time to themselves individually or as a couple. No one has said she's a bad mother.

    The thing she is being questioned about is the frequency and reasons behind it. The two in this situation combined, to me, in my opinion is too much and for me, I find it selfish - again due to the reasons behind it and the frequency of it.

    If she had said she was suffering PND or PNA and is struggling with parenthood, I would absolutely 100% not have said it was selfish. However she has boasted about all of the free time and couples time they get every single weekend, has just rubbed me up the wrong way.
    I'm not sure if you answered earlier, but what about mums (or dads) who don't have to work as their spouse's income is enough to live off of but they choose to because they don't enjoy staying home with their children? I have a friend over here who does want to work but can't right now due to visa restrictions, her husband earns an insane amount so she definitely doesn't need to. Her son is in care 3 full days a week so she can do what she wants (chores, cooking classes, lunches, etc). He was in 5 full days but when they learned she couldn't go back to work they cut it down to 3. Her husband works out of country all week so it is just her caring for her son during the week. Is this situation selfish or justified?

    As PP clarified, it's not every weekend and they are home with their daughter during the week, so is it ok now?

    I would love to be in a position where 1) I had that type of help and 2) my anxiety allowed me to trust and accept that type of help.

  9. #156
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    She's actually ready for school too. If it was 100% for my needs I wouldn't have done it but her kindy teachers all say she's more than ready.

    Maybe we can rehash that thread too, most kids don't need to be held back. Why would anyone hold back a kid that was ready?
    You said in one of the threads that your child would probably benefit from another year at home but that you need her to go to school. You have also recently said she's regressed in toilet training. That doesn't seem like 100% ready to me.

  10. #157
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    In all honesty, we could live off my husband's wage but I wanted to keep my skills up and I do enjoy my job. Plus we live comfortably so it would be a huge sacrifice. I'm happy with part time work.

    We are 99% sure we are selling next year and going for a tree change and this means we will make enough money on our house to buy another outright. We would have no mortgage then and I definitely wouldn't have to work but I will still work 2 or 3 days week.

  11. #158
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    I don't really have any issue with this care arrangement - I am honestly jealous that they found such a good balance.

    What I find interesting is that if yoi have PND/PNA it's ok but if not it's selfish. So is it ok to martyr yourself to be there all the time until you have PND/PNA which then makes it ok but its not ok to do it to keep you/your family/relationship balanced?

    I am someone that would find this hard to do even though I am jealous. I cannot let go. And i can see the judgements thay happen if I woukd do that. So I don't. And it takes a toll on my mental health.

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  13. #159
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    You said in one of the threads that your child would probably benefit from another year at home but that you need her to go to school. You have also recently said she's regressed in toilet training. That doesn't seem like 100% ready to me.
    She had 2 accidents in 2 days. Nothing else since.

    I'm not sure what words I used (even though you must or you have a photographic memory - either that or you've purposely have gone back over old threads to try and catch me out) but of course she would be 'more' ready the year after, even 'more ready' 2 years after that. That's pretty obvious, but that's not to say she isn't ready or ready enough. As I said her kindy teachers say she is ready, her 'regression' with toileting was extremely short lived, so she's ready. As I said if she wasn't ready I would assess that now and keep her at kindy again, but I was t going to stop her going to kindy this year in the off chance she may not be ready.

    Anyway, I'm not sure what point you're trying to make. Are you trying to convince me to change my opinion? Tell me I'm wrong? Question me because you think it's fun?....?
    @hollygolightly, if a parent puts their child in regular / permanent child care to just have time off and not at all work, I think that is also selfish (PND / PNA reasons excluded). That's me though, others disagree and that's fine.

    We all as I said have varying degrees of what is acceptable and non acceptable behaviour. We all have varying degrees of what is selfish and not selfish and so on and so forth. This is just where I sit on the matter. Why are my opinions always not valid?

    As I said I'm not expecting her to change what she does, I'm not saying kids shouldn't spend decent quality time with their grandparents, I'm not saying she's a horrible mum I just find her actions selfish. I don't understand why I can't make that judgement call without being told I'm being awful or why is it my business, etc. I thought this was the point in this thread being started... What do you think? I told people what I thought, why is it such an issue?

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  15. #160
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    [QUOTE=twinklify;8620479]What I find interesting is that if yoi have PND/PNA it's ok but if not it's selfish. So is it ok to martyr yourself to be there all the time until you have PND/PNA which then makes it ok but its not ok to do it to keep you/your family/relationship balanced?

    /QUOTE]

    I've NEVER said anyone should martyr themselves and be there all the time to the point of PND / PNA (or even not to the point of PND / PNA.) never ever. I just find the quantity and frequency and reason an issue.

    Again I'll say it, that's just my opinion. Why can't I have an opinion with out being badgered?

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