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  1. #131
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    I have said earlier that I would never do this but am a bit meh. But I just want to go back to the work vs finch example. Of course there are families out there that *need* 2 incomes. Or a single parent that has to work. But plenty of women have husbands on decent incomes and don't need to work. They work bc they hate being at home with their kids. They find it boring and uninspiring. They use their income to pay for a Bali holiday every 2 yrs.

    Now I'm going to be very clear here - I don't judge that one iota. But why is hating being a FT mum or liking a big holiday every year anymore valid/important than wanting the weekend for couple time?? We have women judging Finch for having extended time away from her kids while they also have extended time away from their kids when they don't *have* to work? (and I'm talking the internet, media, not just BH). It's the same to me, lifestyle choices. Why is she a horrible mum but the mum with her child in CC 50 hours a week when she doesn't have to work is wonderful?

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  3. #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    @A-Squared Considering you removed my first paragraph, maybe my point wasn't obvious. If RF has regular engagements on weekends, they may have made the decision to have her dd stay with the grandparents every weekend so there is routine and stability.

    As for not knowing if she is happy - we can only assume that this is what works best for everyone at present. Maybe she will voice her dislike of the arrangement in the future, but that's the thing with parenting... We get thrown in the deep end and, while we may have the best intentions, we can't always predict the outcome.

    Of course we all judge. I just don't agree that this situation deserves such harsh critique.
    I left out the first one as the reason behind why it started doesn't matter to my argument or how I feel about her arrangement.

    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I have said earlier that I would never do this but am a bit meh. But I just want to go back to the work vs finch example. Of course there are families out there that *need* 2 incomes. Or a single parent that has to work. But plenty of women have husbands on decent incomes and don't need to work. They work bc they hate being at home with their kids. They find it boring and uninspiring. They use their income to pay for a Bali holiday every 2 yrs.

    Now I'm going to be very clear here - I don't judge that one iota. But why is hating being a FT mum or liking a big holiday every year anymore valid/important than wanting the weekend for couple time?? We have women judging Finch for having extended time away from her kids while they also have extended time away from their kids when they don't *have* to work? (and I'm talking the internet, media, not just BH). It's the same to me, lifestyle choices. Why is she a horrible mum but the mum with her child in CC 50 hours a week when she doesn't have to work is wonderful?
    I don't think the parent who leaves their child at Childcare to work if they 'don't have to' is wonderful at all. I also NEVER said she was a horrible mum. I just judge this one action of hers to be more on the selfish side as opposed to working for everyone side. But again that's my judgement call.

    I know a lot of my parenting decisions are judged negatively, but I don't care, that's someone else's opinion. Nothing more and they're entitled to think what they want about how much iPad my kids use or maccas they eat!

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  5. #133
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    I think we should leave this thread be. It's going no where except over old ground.

  6. #134
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    To me, there is a huge double standard here where if you work for more than financial necessity reasons that's more than ok, and actually admirable. But if you choose other lifestyle reasons that's not ok.

    Obviously I'm at home with my kids bc that's what important to *me*. But I really don't see the difference between Finch and heaps of families except she probably sees her kids more *shrugs* Is it what I'd do? No way, I'd miss my kids too much. But then I don't want my kids cared for for big chunks at all.

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  8. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    I think we should leave this thread be. It's going no where except over old ground.
    People are free to tune out if they don't like re-runs.

  9. #136
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    To me, there is a huge double standard here where if you work for more than financial necessity reasons that's more than ok, and actually admirable. But if you choose other lifestyle reasons that's not ok.
    .
    I don't judge women who do or don't work for those reasons - and I haven't really net anyone recently that does.

    I don't judge parents that put their kid in childcare to work. I judge women who leave their young kid for 2 x nights per week every week for lifestyle reasons.

  10. #137
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    That's really the point though VP. That it's ok to have your kids in DC 5 days a week for lifestyle reasons but not ok to use grandparents for life style reasons. I don't see much of a difference. Is wanting to live in a expensive suburb really any more valid than wanting couple time? Is it all not just a value judgment? i.e. what each of us deems 'important'? For me, choosing a 10 hour a day stint in DC wouldn't justify living in a nicer suburb, for others it does. For some, the trip to the US justifies it.

    It's about personal values. I started a home business bc I personally wasn't comfortable doing the DC thing. I get to make money and be home for my family. And even if we had willing family, I would never have them babysat every weekend, I'd pine for them. But then other women would rather stab themselves in the eye repeatedly than live my life, so they feel the 5 day stint works for their family.

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  12. #138
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    Pfft. Who cares. If everyone is happy that's all that matters.

    I'm a school teacher. There are 20 days of vacation care offered in the upcoming summer holidays. My 2 school aged kids are going for 11 of those days. I'm going to do lunch, get my hair done, have a pedicure, lazing around the house. Do NOTHING! And I'm going to enjoy it sooo much.

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  14. #139
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    Pfft. Who cares. If everyone is happy that's all that matters.

    I'm a school teacher. There are 20 days of vacation care offered in the upcoming summer holidays. My 2 school aged kids are going for 11 of those days. I'm going to do lunch, get my hair done, have a pedicure, lazing around the house. Do NOTHING! And I'm going to enjoy it sooo much.
    No judgement here from me for that. 11 days, that's the equivalent of 5.1 weekends (well technically less as they'll only be there in the day you'll still see them in the morning and night). Which is just over 1 month of what RF does.

    Still not a fair enough comparison for me to change my views on RF's reasons or frequency for what she does.

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  16. #140
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    No judgement here from me for that. 11 days, that's the equivalent of 5.1 weekends (well technically less as they'll only be there in the day you'll still see them in the morning and night). Which is just over 1 month of what RF does.

    Still not a fair enough comparison for me to change my views on RF's reasons or frequency for what she does.
    My youngest is in daycare 4 days week even though I only work 3.

    Who cares, though. Maybe she needs it for her sanity.

    You have said you are putting your own needs first by not keeping your child home another year from school.

    How is this different?

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