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  1. #1
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    Default Finally had courage

    I've left my DH.

    Well not yet I have to get on the plane but my tickets are booked to go home.

    I have some more serious questions for hubbers.

    - I've sorted Centrekink

    - he is interstate as I will be going back to another state should I get something legal? We aren't arguing etc.

    - I'm worried about the house etc. we just got tenants out. But do I have to sell and pay him out. These are all things I don't know.

    I've left because he's started substance abuse again (while I don't care and don't think it affects his parenting **** please don't judge that) I don't want to be with someone like this. And I deserve to be happier. If you know me on FB please do not say ANYTHING.

  2. #2
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    Sorry to hear that.

    In regards to your questions. You will need to see a lawyer about the interstate move and finances.

    I would be aiming to get an agreement in writing from him that he consents to the kids moving. Interstate moves can be tricky. Absolute worst case scenario, he could try and take you to court to have the kids moved back. That is worst case. Obviously factors along the lines of how long you lived interstate for, moving back home for family support etc would come into play and a lawyer would be best to advise you on how it would all play out. Of course, he may never go down that path, but to cover yourself I would be getting a lawyer to draw up a document for him to sign stating that he agrees. Better to do it now while you are still on reasonably good terms.

    Same for the selling the house. See a lawyer about percentage splits etc so you know what is fair. I could have you mixed up with someone else, but I could have sworn that you have mentioned on here before that you inherited the house or money for the deposit or something. If yes, it is important you mention this to the lawyer because inheritances are mostly excluded from financial settlements. Will mean you have to pay him less or not even sell the house at all.

    Good Luck.

    ETA - now is the time to document the substance abuse. A diary would be a good idea. If things get nasty when you are working out custody (ie you feel the substance abuse makes it unsafe for the kids to see him as much as he thinks he should have them) then it would be good to have it all documented.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 11-05-2016 at 09:34.

  3. #3
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    I can't answer your questions Monnie, but I wish you the best of luck going forward.

    It takes a lot of courage to leave

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Mod-Degrassi For This Useful Post:

    KitiK  (12-05-2016),SuperGranny  (13-05-2016)

  5. #4
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    I can't answer any of your questions but I just wanted to wish you luck and happiness

  6. #5
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    Thank you. I'm feeling very emotional but I feel 'free'. Why do I feel like this?

    Also another question my MIL has offered I can live there. As she knows DH is like this etc etc and encouraged me to leave him as he won't change. As I kept thinking 'maybe he will etc' then I'm worried about reproductions of this.

    I have no money for a lawyer can I ring legal aid? I have no money for a bed, furniture etc I'm seriously freaking out! 😱 we have a bag of clothes and that's it.

  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by monnie24 View Post
    Thank you. I'm feeling very emotional but I feel 'free'. Why do I feel like this?

    Also another question my MIL has offered I can live there. As she knows DH is like this etc etc and encouraged me to leave him as he won't change. As I kept thinking 'maybe he will etc' then I'm worried about reproductions of this.

    I have no money for a lawyer can I ring legal aid? I have no money for a bed, furniture etc I'm seriously freaking out! 😱 we have a bag of clothes and that's it.
    Hats off to you for clearly making a massive decision to do better for yourself and your children.
    Im no help, just wanted to commend you on what would no doubt be something that took a lot of thought and heartache over.
    I hope it all works out and wish you all the very best xox

  8. #7
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    Huge hugs.

    Ok see a lawyer - yes you can contact legal aid.

    If your DH is willing get something in writing ASAP about a move with kids inter state.

    I would be wary of moving in with MIL. She may be on your side now but personal experience with ex mil - when push came to shove she sided with her son and I was badly burned.

    Contact Centrelink now. I believe payments state from the date you notify them. They may also be able to help direct you to resources for furniture etc

  9. #8
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    Hugs and good on you for wanting better!
    Contact Centrelink immediately so you can get the ball rolling there, staying with family for the short term could be helpful while you get on your feet financially x

  10. #9
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    I would just move back into the house, if you have tenants out. All this separation crap takes ages to draw up and agree to, so best for the time being, whilst on talking terms to move back into the house. Also by moving back into the house, if he then wants part of it, or whatever, you have somewhere to live, and then he would have to move you out, if push came to shove. It will in the meantime give you stability. I would also be wary of MIL. Sure, keep on good terms with her, but I would keep her at arms length. Blood is thicker than water, and they will always side with son. I know she would probably mean well, but yeh, just keep that in mind.

    You could go to the Salvation army to get bits and pieces of furniture, or keep a look out on gumtree for free items that you could use and go and pick up. Otherwise I am sure other family and friends, would be happy to either give you some times, or loan bits and pieces to you to get you on your feet. Good luck with it all.

  11. #10
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    Hey hon, I had NO idea you guys were having issues. I'm so sorry it has come to this. Big Hugs.

    I have no advice either but wanted to say you're doing the right thing and you are such a strong woman to go through everything you have with Hugo and now having the courage to leave.



 

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