I'm not defending him or trying to justify his behaviour at all but I just want to say as someone living with serious back problems, just because he has worked the last 2 years doesn't mean it's not causing him immense pain and mental suffering. Living with chronic pain is so damn hard. It makes you depressed and angry.
His attitude and the threats are bull**** and he shouldn't be giving you ultimatums like that. I would be tempted to just tell him to leave and call his bluff. If he's not willing to speak to the doctors about it all then I'm not really sure what you can do π would it be possible to compromise and you both work part time or something? He may be struggling with the work more than he's letting on.
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08-05-2016 09:02 #11
08-05-2016 09:06 #12
Leave him and raise your son how you want too.
08-05-2016 09:27 #13
Help and advice needed please so upset
To me it's not so much the nature of the request but how he's gone about it I find disturbing.
Who discusses care arrangements with their MUM over their own wife first?
Who is he to say this is what I want and if I don't get it I would leave?
What, is he like 3 years old? Is he a mummy's boy?
It sounds like a very inappropriate and unhealthy way to discuss major issues and it will lead to further problems down the track if it's not resolved.
I don't think his request is all that unreasonable BUT he's left you no avenue to discuss it or come to a compromise for what's best for the FAMILY, not just him.
I suggest marriage counselling and hope you can come to a solution that is best for all involved
Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 08-05-2016 at 09:35.
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08-05-2016 09:30 #14
Not "I spoke to my mummy and she says I get to stay home so go to work or I'm leaving". That's not how considerate, responsible, adult conversations go. I'd be tempted to tell him to bugger off back to his mum
08-05-2016 10:20 #15Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Sydney NSW
Sorry you are going through this. I too feel its shame he is working all this out with his mum and not you. I am sure your MIL would love to look after yr little one, but only if and when you are ready. I honestly think you and dh should make the most of the next 9 months while you are off work with your baby- get the surgery done, rehab etc so you can both get back to a happy life. All the best.
08-05-2016 10:56 #16
A friend of mine went through a very very similar situation to this and ended up applying to full time jobs pretty much against her will. Luckily she didnt get any of the positions and after a couple of counseling seasons they sorted alot of the tension. She still works too much imo part time just to please him but at least he settled down alot after they spoke to someone and she could express her side. Her mil was also a part of it and pushing for her to work.
Sorry you have to go through it but stand your ground otherwise you will just resent them both in the end. Im sure you can all find a better way
08-05-2016 11:00 #17-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
I get where you are coming from - having time with our babies when they are young is a wonderful thing. However sometimes life throws you a curveball. If your hubby is in genuine pain I think it's a no brainer that if there has to be a choice he should be the one to stay home.
Like pp mentioned however the way he has gone about it all rings alarm bells. Be careful and don't make any decisions until you are confident this behavior won't have a long term impact on your family.
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08-05-2016 11:36 #18
While I agree going back to work 'might' be in the best interests of your family, the way he has gone around it is astonishing.
You both obviously need to have an equal discussion about it, there is no way I would be heading off to work on a decision made solely by him and his mother.
Absolutely stand your ground, honestly if I couldn't get any joy with attempting to discuss this as equal partners I would walk, I couldn't be in a long term partnership where my thoughts and feelings were not as as important as my partners.
I am so sorry that your very first Mother's Day is clouded with the current issues, it's not fair, so many hugs.
08-05-2016 12:04 #19Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
Help and advice needed please so upset
Something just seems off with this and how it came about. My hubby wasn't enjoying his job and had mentioned him being a sahd, and after we discussed it he told me how bad he found his situation. We have worked together to make it work.
Personally I would avoid returning to work so early, you would still be recovering from pregnancy and birth. Also, given that he can't fully care for Bub, it sounds like a situation I would avoid. Your MIL sounds a bit too involved at the moment.
Maybe you could work it out so he goes part time or something?
And my theory is that if he is acting so childish and mean and issuing ultimatums, I consider what the consequences are. It's not fair to you either way, but there is a possibility that if he is that petty and childish, call his bluff
08-05-2016 12:17 #20
I would be fuming with how he has gone about this. I would want to tell him go home to his mummy and she can look after him and you will manage with the baby on your own. He is blackmailing you and that is not on.
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