dd has been lying and I am not sure how to deal with this.
Today we bought a birthday present for her friend at school who is having a party. Bought some clothes and a diary thing.
Dd wanted to wrap the present.
For some reason she said she wanted to wrap it in her room. I didn't really think about it and left her to it.
Anyway, I just happened to throw something in her bin and noticed the plastic cover on the diary set so I asked her about it and she lies and says that it's from something else.
I question her some more then she tells me that she took the items out of the packaging so it would be easier to wrap. I tell her she shouldn't do that because the person receiving the gift may think that the gift has already been used. So I tell her not to do that next time and she says ok.
I thought that was the end of it but then I get suspicious because I helped her tie the ribbon on the gift and thought it felt a bit too soft. So I go and press on the present and its really obvious there's only clothes there. I go back to dd and ask her whether she has taken the diary and tell her I will open the wrapping to check but she keeps telling me not to because she spent so much time wrapping it etc etc but just when I am about to open it she lies again and says she forgot to wrap the diary. So I say to her to stop lying and go and get it or she won't be allowed to go to the party.
She pretends she doesn't know where she "forgot" it looks around then gets it out of her school bag.
I tell her that now I need to buy her friend another unopened one and I am going to give away the one she opened to her cousin.
I tell dd that what she has done is really bad and is the same as stealing because that gift was for her friend. And I tell her how would she like it if someone did that to her.
I am now thinking that I didn't punish her enough. I just can't believe she would have lied to me so many times.
I have just spoken to dh about this and he thinks it's normal that he did that too at her age.
Btw dd is 6.5yo.
Do you think this is a phase? Wwyd?
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07-05-2016 20:04 #1
Dd lying - wwyd
07-05-2016 20:18 #2
I did the exact same thing for my best friend's 7th birthday. I kept the diary and wrapped a crappy toy I didn't want anymore.
Even though I was never caught I remember it because I felt awful and was always scared mum would notice the diary in my room.
I certainly would of lied too to avoid being caught.
Definitely an age thing.
07-05-2016 20:18 #3
I would say it's a phase - I nannyed a girl who went through a similar thing.
A natural consequence could be that she has to pay for the replacement diary?
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07-05-2016 20:19 #4
It is most definitely a phase.
That doesnt mean that the behaviour should not have consequences ... but I wouldnt get too stressed out about it. It is normal.
As far as exactly what consequences - I would have another chat to her tomorrow ... sit down and say that now that you have calmed down and thought about it carefully, you can both discuss what happened, and decide together on what the consequences should be.
talk about how disappointed you are that she lied to you. That what she did in keeping the diary was wrong, but lying about it afterwards only makes it so much worse ...
get her to suggest some consequences and go from there.
normally with DD the consequences are things like extra chores, no pocket money, no ipad etc.
it does have to fit the crime - she did know that it was wrong to take the diary, and no that it was wrong to lie to you. She did try very hard to cover it up ... make sure that she understands that.
But remember - it is something that most children do at some age. My DD certainly has.
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07-05-2016 20:19 #5
07-05-2016 20:20 #6
I have a 6.5 yr old son. If he did this I would have him lose some special priviledges, and explain to him that it was because he lied to me and to have these special priviledges I need to be able to trust him. For example, on Thursdays my dd goes to daycare and when I drop her off I leave DS at home alone for 10-15 mins (daycare is on the same street as us). This makes DS feel sooo grown up. I would tell him that I can't leave him alone anymore if I can't trust him. I would want him to see that trust is earnt in everyday life.
Also, this may just be a personality thing, but my DS would likely respond well to a big talking to about how honesty is an important character trait to hold and when it is lost it is hard to earn back.
Last edited by Barnaby; 07-05-2016 at 20:22.
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07-05-2016 20:22 #7
Thank you all. I feel a big sense of relief now. A talk tomorrow is a great idea and asking dd to come up with a fair consequence for her actions.
I was starting to panic!
07-05-2016 20:23 #8
This is really normal at her age. My eldest went through it and it's actually an important developmental stage as we as adults lie frequently and kids need to learn the difference between big lies and little lies.
With my DD it was exaggerations. She would hear a story and then she would retell it as if it had happened to her. Or would tell people that eg we had a goat in our garden and when they'd ask her where it was "oh it ran away". But it was constant. None of them really mattered individually but her friends started to doubt everything she said. It was just becoming out of hand and I was sick of it.
I bought a book called "Sam Bangs and Moonshine" after doing a lot of reading. It was brilliant. It's about a girl who keeps telling what seem like harmless lies her father calls "moonshine" until one day her stories nearly get her best friend killed.
It had an immediate impact on my daughter. She was scared straight. I have the book to her year 3 teacher who read it to the class every few weeks and found it would have a profound effect on the kids.
Anyway that's my rambling story.
It is normal, but it's also incredibly frustrating and for some kids can get out of hand. It also depends on the type of lie (are they exaggerating (eg I did 40 handstands in a row on the weekend) Are the being deceitful? Are they telling wild stories for attention?).
07-05-2016 20:29 #9
@Sonja thanks I will look up that book.
Dd has been telling small lies here and there and it is very frustrating but i didnt think too much of it.
But today I was quite shocked because she actually kept a gift that was supposed to be for her friend. I also felt it was so premeditated now I think back that she wanted to wrap it in her room (we normally wrap in lounge room), then when I nearly caught her out she made up so many more lies.
But I am relieved that it seems to be a phase other kids go through but I will talk to her some more tomorrow.
07-05-2016 20:45 #10-
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