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  1. #31
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    I worked in child care for many years and have seen this a bit. My advice would be possibly changing the days to maybe a Monday/Thursday if you can, that way its not such a big time gap from one week to the next.

    When you drop him off, how long do you stay for? I find with clingy children it is honestly, and as tough as it is, to almost do a drop and run. At no point let him see or sense you anxiety about it (if you are doing this already, then awesome!) always talk positive with him, if he doesn't eat say, "oh well, maybe you can try and see if you can eat more for mummy next time." and same goes with the toilet.
    In the morning before care, let him know whats happening (even the night before), stay positive and smile. When you get to the centre encourage him to help you find where his bag goes, his lunch, drink bottle, etc. Even have him show you what his favourite thing to do is. See the carer (just to make sure they know you are about to leave) and tell him you are going and you'll be back later, don't linger, give a kiss goodbye and go.
    When you pick up in the afternoon, maintain that positive vibe and praise him for having a good day and talk to him about the awesome art he did and what not.

    If you continue to do this on a regularly basis and don't steer from it, it should really help. As a mum I know how heartbreaking it can be seeing your child in distress, but it's very important to stay in that positive routine.

    Also in regards to the swimming lessons, are you able to leave the room while he swims? I know at my school when one of the little boys was getting quite anxious about it mum would leave for the lesson and it took him a few lessons but he ended up settling down? could be something to try?

    The fact that you feel comfortable with the centre and carers is really important, and hopefully you little boy can start to take in some of that positive energy too.
    Don't feel alone in this though, it happens to many kids.

    Good luck

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  3. #32
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    Forgot to add my DH also is against any suggestions of pulling DS out. Tells me ill be fighting the same battle next year so i may as well get it over with now.......fine to say when he never has to do drop off

  4. #33
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    Both my kids love childcare but have been since young age 4months ish I would say. They say it's school today! But still cry a little bit. I think it's normal to cry!!!

    It's emotions. Seriously. I cry when I leave my mum at air port etc so people who say 'they settle etc' after ten mins is norm I find fine IMO

    DS is anxious we have done a lot of 'rough play' and things like that. How much time does your hubby spend with DS if you don't mind me asking

  5. #34
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    We do the quick drop and run, because otherwise he just works himself up too much and it prolongs it. We've gone from not being able to get dressed in his kindy shirt at home (I used to sneak it all into the car while he was playing and dress him at kindy) to him being excited to go but once he's there, he's obviously struggling. When he first started I would talk about it lots but he would get more and more upset. The extra preparation for him wasn't working. I'd put his shirt on and he'd look down and realise it was a kindy shirt and pull it off crying. So he's definitely come a long way since then!

    The time DH spends with DS without me around is minimal, maybe a couple hours a week on average? Sometimes none during the week though. DH does shift work and often works weekends, so when he's home we try to spend as much time together as a family as we can!

  6. #35
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    I think I may have replied to this thread before - my DS was exactly the same (he's now almost 5) Daycare and swimming were a nightmare...in fact anything that involved mummy being absent was really traumatic for all involved. And yet, he was/is really confident and outgoing kid. He started kindy (not daycare - school in WA) this year and is sooo much better. First term there was tears and I needed to make sure I followed a set "goodbye" routine...but every day he's got better...and happily goes off to school now, although he'd rather stay home with mum. He's also thriving at swimming. I think it's just age...my DS slowly grw out of it. It really was hard going from age 2 to 4.5...but I'm glad I persisted. I think the transition to school would have been awful if we hadn't done daycare.

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  8. #36
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    My middle child I pulled out of kindy at three and a half , gave him a year off and put him I again at four and a half or so . He was a different kid. No issues. He matured a bit . We are also holding him back until 6 for school . My oldest never cried once and neither does my youngest . Kids cope differently . If you're able to give him a break for a while it might be easier on you both .

  9. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by just her chameleon View Post
    DH mainly thinks we are prolonging the inevitable. Like if we try again next year or even the year after he'll still be upset and crying and we should perservere now in the hope that he gets better. He also knows if would be tough on me trying to do assignments and study for uni with him home. I can see his point, but I just feel terrible for putting DS through this every week.
    With hindsight, if it was my DS1, I would agree with your hubby. Pulling ds1 out of daycare would have just delayed the problem. My DS1 didn't grow out of his daycare issues as the issues were complicated and bigger than daycare. Which I didn't necessarily realise at the time.

    If it was my DS1 (and once again with hindsight) I would have sought out professional help (OT, child psych) ASAP to put a plan together about how to help DS1 settle in. For my DS1 I think that would have involved things like:
    - minimum 3 days per week (any less and he would have had more difficulty establishing and feeling part of a routine)
    - weekly chart at home saying what activities he did on what days.go over it in the morning and evening.
    - have a very strict routine at drop off (go to the same initial activity every single drop off. Something he loves and which takes up a lot of his mental focus).
    - get the daycare on board with some type of routine (picture) chart for the daycare days. Have a board up of what they will do each day (group time, outside time, lunch, nap, inside time etc). Go over it each morning when you first get in, before you go to the focus activity.
    - have a picture book of the permanent staff in the room. Go over it each day and make sure DS knows the carers name. Have mum or dad say something nice about each carer.
    If you notice a strange/casual staff member at drop off then point it out to DS and put a positive/familiar spin on it. Eg "ooh! That's a new carer. Judy must be sick today. The new carer has a pretty blue shirt that looks really pretty!"

    For my DS 4 is much better than 3 only because we are getting help and doing things differently.

    Of course your DS may be totally different. Hope this helps in some small way!

  10. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Homeschooling4 View Post
    Would you rather your son happy and safe though? I've got 4 kids home all day everyday (we do leave the house) and I have studied off and on.it can be done.
    Depending on the children (ages, temperament) and the rest of the family it may not be that simple for everyone. I have studied before and I could think of nothing worse that trying to study with my 2 kids. Couldn't do it. Impossible.

    And regarding happiness - if the OP can get the daycare thing to work there's no reason to suggest her child won't be just as happy (if not happier) than a child that doesn't go to daycare. Who knows - if the OP pulls her child out without the underlying issues being resolved maybe that will lead to greater unhappiness down the track. Maybe not. Happiness and kids is such a loaded issue.

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  12. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Depending on the children (ages, temperament) and the rest of the family it may not be that simple for everyone. I have studied before and I could think of nothing worse that trying to study with my 2 kids. Couldn't do it. Impossible.

    And regarding happiness - if the OP can get the daycare thing to work there's no reason to suggest her child won't be just as happy (if not happier) than a child that doesn't go to daycare. Who knows - if the OP pulls her child out without the underlying issues being resolved maybe that will lead to greater unhappiness down the track. Maybe not. Happiness and kids is such a loaded issue.
    I understand not everyone wants their kids around all the time. I even have days like that too.

  13. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Homeschooling4 View Post
    I understand not everyone wants their kids around all the time. I even have days like that too.
    A parent sending their kid to daycare/school is rarely a simple case of *wanting* them around or not. It's far more complex - time to do other things, socialization for the kids, kids temperament, parents temperament etc etc etc

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