I'd like to hear some experiences and opinions on how you handled social media when it comes to your pregnancy, birth and baby?
I'm on Facebook but am not very active. I don't like to share much personal stuff and my husband is the same. We both only use it to keep in touch with family and friends overseas.
We've already had once incident where my MIL decided it was sensible to share a silly baby related post on my wall when I was 10w. I absolutely lost it with her, quickly deleted it and very bluntly asked her not to do that again. I explained that we hadn't shared the news and people would catch on, including my work and close friends and family who don't know yet! She said she didn't even think and apologised. She is so excited which makes me very nervous about what she'll be like on Facebook when the baby arrives. I'm tempted to make a rule for everyone that not one photo gets posted without our permission. Is this a bit extreme? She has all sorts of random acquaintances on Facebook who we don't know and I just don't like the idea of something so intimate and personal being shared with strangers.
I've often seen people announcing someone else's baby's birth before the parents even have a chance and I would be devastated if we didn't get to share this ourselves. Not to mention very private pictures being shared without my permission. We're not even sure we want to do a Facebook pregnancy announcement. I would go off Facebook but prefer to stay on so I can monitor anyone sharing anything about our baby. It's crazy how everyone raises an eyebrow if you want to keep private stuff off Facebook like there's something wrong with you.
Advice please! Thanks so much
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04-05-2016 17:13 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2016
Social media and your pregnancy/baby
04-05-2016 17:18 #2
Social media and your pregnancy/baby
ETA I had a family member post on my wall on Facebook congratulating me on the arrival of my daughter. At the time she posted, I was unconscious after my c-section via GA so hadn't even met my daughter, and here she was letting the world know she was born. Furious was an understatement!
04-05-2016 17:27 #3
Well you are not going to like this but welcome to 2016! Enjoy your stay. You can't control what people do on social media. If you are extremely worried then don't announce anything to anyone in any shape or form until you are ready. Staying on Facebook to monitor whether someone posts something about your baby/pregnancy is unhealthy and you will drive yourself crazy. I gave up Facebook a long time ago so people can say whatever they like and I won't know or care for that matter.
Social media is how people communicate it's like talking over the back fence with a neighbour (15 years ago)... Ahhhh remember those days...
Personally I don't get the big deal nor would I care but it's obviously an issue for you. People get excited for you and you can't get angry everytime someone posts a photo or mentions your baby.
Im sure your MIL just got carried away with the excitement of having a grand baby on the way.
04-05-2016 17:35 #4
You can change your Facebook settings so you need to approve any posts you are tagged in or that are made to your wall before they become public. I also suggest reminding others you don't want baby stuff on Facebook.
This link explains it. https://m.facebook.com/help/168229546579373
04-05-2016 17:37 #5
I think that you just need to have a social media discussion with your inner circle. Let them know that you are not comfortable with any baby stuff until you give the go ahead. Even that isn't going to keep it from happening but you can ask for them to respect it. So once bub is born, ask them not to post anything until you have done so. However, parents will tell aunts and uncles and next thing you know second cousin sally is putting a message of congrats on your wall. You could deactivate your account but word will still spread.
A friend's husband died not looking ago and someone posted a message of condolence on her wall then people were posting replies along what happened etc. It is just the way things are now.
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04-05-2016 17:52 #6
This. It's the best way of making sure people don't post anything you don't want on your wall.
With regard to people posting photos of your baby etc, there's not a whole heap you can do about it other than speak to the people you think would do it and ask them not to. Or make a post on your Facebook asking that no-one posts photos of your baby without your permission as you'd like to decide where and when those photos appear. If you feel you need to give a reason, you can say it's for safety etc.
Some people just don't get social media etiquette unfortunately. I've seen people post photos of brides before they've even made it down the aisle, I've seen posts congratulating someone on their pregnancy when the couple haven't even said anything, ditto for engagements. To me, it's obvious that you don't mention anything on social media about those type of life events before the couple does. Ever. I thought that was obvious, but to some people it clearly isn't!
04-05-2016 18:28 #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2016
Thank you everyone for your views and advice!
I do understand that I'll need to make peace with it if it happens, but I do think people need to respect our decision. My cousin has managed to keep her entire pregnancy and birth unknown to anyone on Facebook by being very strict when sharing any photos privately with family or friends, so it's like the child doesn't even exist in their life, which I think is extreme but it's their choice and I respect that. I think people can get quite obsessed with Facebook, it's like a competition sometimes, especially those who don't have a lot to do with their day. I recently changed my settings so no one can post on my wall and no one can tag me without my permission. Some say I'm silly, but IMHO it's my Facebook and I'll do what I please with it and don't have to explain myself. I don't want to go off Facebook because of silly people who spoil it for me. I want the freedom to use it as I see appropriate.
We have asked family to please not mention anything on Facebook unless we say it's ok as we haven't yet decided how much we want to share, so that's a start. I think we will just have to communicate this again closer to the birth. And whoever we choose to share the news with first, we'll send them a little note to ask them to please ensure if they share the news to be clear to keep it private until we have announced it.
04-05-2016 18:36 #8
I have a ten month old DD and only one photo has made it to Facebook without my permission. My attitude is that when she's old enough to decide to put her face out there for everyone to comment on then she can. Until then I respect that she's a minor.
I basically just tell anyone who's taking a photo of her at the time that I don't want it on Facebook and so far it's been no issue.
Congrats btw.. So exciting 😊
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04-05-2016 18:52 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2014
We did a couple specific things as we are very private about sharing things.
We did post a pregnancy announcement on Facebook but otherwise no updates throughout.
1- we created a private Facebook group for immediate family and a couple really close friends. This was where we posted about K's pregnancy and said when the time came this was what we would update first. This meant no one would find out anything before anyone else and was a great way to keep the overseas relatives updated.
2- We started discussing our wishes in regards to social media with our family from around 20 weeks, letting them know what we were comfortable with, even getting down to saying what apps (like snap chat) they could and couldn't share photos on. Largely the family was okay with this - took the promise of many emails and texts with photos.
3- we posted this right before birth, mainly about whooping cough, but also sharing our views on social media and if anyone wanted photos to get in touch with us. The response to this was overwhelming and I feel like the art of emailing is alive again within some of our circles.
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04-05-2016 19:07 #10
Love that you posted this!
I have similar feelings maybe even stronger than yours...
I feel very strongly about my privacy and although I have fb I very very rarely post anything personal it's mostly shared joke pages and memes that I find amusing or mindless status updates about a show I watched or a food I ate.
I did not do a pregnancy announcement I told all my friends and family face to face.
I will not do a birth announcement either, again if you didn't get a personal text to your personal phone then your not in my close circle and don't need nor have the privilege to know.
I have told all my friends no social media posts about my child nor any pics they are all happy to respect my wishes as good friends should. There has been some family relationship breakdown on my side which probably is where this stems from and I'm sure these feelings will change as my baby gets older but for now I'm happy like this.
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