ok so my LO is only 9 weeks old so not sure I'm quite ready to do the newborn thing again right now, but started thinking about number 2 these last few days. how old was your first born when you had number 2?
I'm definitely keen to have another one, just not sure how soon is too soon?
I'm 36 in July, I'd like to be "done" by 38. or at least have 2 by 38, perhaps leaving the door open for an accident/surprise baby #3 (should temporary insanity take hold 😂)
whilst all this newborn/baby stuff is fresh, I'd like to maintain a bit of momentum. rather than having to keep all the baby stuff for a few years then truck it all out again. May as well keep it in use whilst we are on a roll 😂 (this is obviously a purely practical reason)
I found out this week that my boss is retiring soon (I'm yet to get details, will hopefully have more concrete info this week). depending on what happens with his business and whether I still have a position when I intend to go back (sept/oct this year), it may be better to have another baby and take more time off then go back to work once bub 2 is 6-7 months old? I'm just thinking if I do find myself in a position where I'm looking for a new job, who's going to take see 36 year old mum as a serious candidate? it's pretty much a given I'll be wanting to have another and will be looking to take mat leave so who's want to hire me. will be a hard sell at best, completely disheartening and a waste of time at worst I think. I could of course be wrong but I'm being realistic here.
I'd like my children to be close in age.
if we do have issues falling pregnant this time round, I'd like to find out sooner rather than later. that way if we need assistance (ivf etc) we know about it sooner rather than later.
is it better to have 2 young kids?? like if ds 1 is under 2 years of age, is this easier or harder? I'm thinking easier as maybe he won't be old enough to get "jealous" of another baby, won't be doing kinder drop off/pick up etc.
if I'm home, we won't have to spend anything on childcare as I can have ds at home with me full time.
I have the capacity to do my line of work from home and have a few clients already. I could look at building this up a bit more to generate a bit of income whilst I'm off work.
finances would take a slight beating as its more time off than we originally planned. we didn't really do a budget or save for my mat leave either. we have decent buffers but I don't want to eat into savings/investments to fund having a baby.
depending on how soon we fell pregnant, I might not be able to try for vbac (having had cs for ds). I admit this isn't a massive put off though. whilst a vaginal delivery would be a nice experience, I'm not letting it define my choices. it's just a minor consideration at any rate.
we don't have a lot of (any really) practical family help so 2 kids under 2 might be difficult. I'm sure we'd cope but it's an important consideration.
2 under 2 might be a recipe for disaster!?
anything else I've not considered/left off?
really keen to hear the experiences and thoughts of others.
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01-05-2016 12:45 #1
when to have #2?
01-05-2016 13:16 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
I have a 4.5 year old and 1.5 year old so a 3 gap and I personally wouldn't want any bigger of a gap. They are still close and play having been home together for the last 18 months but if it wee any larger of a gap I imagine that having a school age child & newborn wouldn't foster as much closeness. I would have had my second younger but circumstances didn't allow as my DDs both have different fathers. DH and I probably wouldn't have had my youngest so soon at our age (27 & 30) however closeness between siblings was important to us. To be honest, even 3 years was had to go back to the newborn stage! 2 under 2 would be chaotic I imagine but I know plenty who've done it and are happy
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01-05-2016 13:22 #3
😂😂 and you were all calling me crazy for thinking about another a few weeks back...!!!
I say go for it. You deal with whatever life throws at you. I would prob give it a little more time for your body to recover from the c-sec and pregnancy in general but that's just my opinion. Maybe wait until 6 months as Bub should be sleeping more overnight, feeding less and this will make it easier on you if you get UTD again and have morning sickness and pregnancy fatigue to deal with. If you don't start ovulating you will prob need to wean to help speed things up too.
I am unqualified to comment re 2 under 2 I watched my SIL struggle which turned me off but some people cope really well. If we go for a third we would have a short age gap too. I am probably going to take a wait and see approach as I was only ever planning 2 kids. Maybe I still have post birth happy hormones going on... It's not like I have a super easy baby! 😂
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01-05-2016 13:29 #4
yes definitely want to let my body recover a bit more post cs.
I guess the physical side is also a consideration. I had a very easy, textbook pregnancy with ds, minimal morning sickness and generally had a fairly easy go of it. it definitely makes falling pregnant again seem attractive. although I know each pregnancy is different so an easy pregnancy doesn't necessarily mean I'll get so lucky second time around.
I also think being pregnant with #2 would be a bit easier if you're already off work. like as opposed to being pregnant, caring for another young child already plus juggling work and childcare etc. again I might be totally off the mark here but who knows.
I'd also like to finish having babies then get back into shape knowing I'm probably done having babies. seems little incentive to bother with the gym if it's all going to go to sh|t again when you get pregnant again 😂
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01-05-2016 13:29 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2015
I say go for it if you want it. I have a 3 year gap as DS was very challenging. If he was an easier baby I think I would have had one earlier.
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01-05-2016 13:29 #6
I've had 2 under 2. I didn't find it hard past the first 6-8weeks. I also had my eldest home FT with me and my Dh is generally absent once paternity leave ceased.
Why it was fairly easy for me.
Text book birth of dd2. Fifteen minutes after she was born I was showering by myself.
Breastfeeding was easy for both bub and myself plus I have oodles of milk.
My dd1 whilst highly strung sometimes is pretty easy if she can stay attached to you.
Parenting style - I'm GWTF when it comes to babies. I don't clock watch or get stressed if things aren't happening the way they should. This I think is the most important if you want 2 under 2. I believe more structured/strict routined people struggle more.
My eldest was TT so I only had 1 in nappies so not washing 2X nappies was heavenly.
What was hard.
Dd2 hospitalized from 5-7weeks old in ICU from the virus dd1 brought home from daycare. That's when we pulled her out to reduce germs brought home.
Dh working nights/away from when dd2 was 16 days old.
Dd1 not sleeping well for whatever reason. I was often walking her to sleep in the pram for both naps and bedtime. Plus in the middle of the night. This often meant I had BOTH girls in the pram with me at 2am walking down my street to get dd1 back to sleep.
I definitely don't regret my 22mth gap. Do regret my 3y3mth gap between dd2-dd3. It's definitely hard work but not per se difficult.
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01-05-2016 13:32 #7
My 1st was 21 months when my second was born. 2nd was 14 months when third was born and 3rd was 16 months when 4th was born. We are currently trying for #5 and my youngest is turning 2 in 2 months and I'm terrified of the bigger gap.
In my experience, close is nice and easy. If you are changing one bum, it's easy to just change two at the same time without much notice. I was already up through the night all the time so what was an extra baby in the mix etc. where as now I get about 5 hours a night so not sure how I would go back to less sleep.
But honestly, we did the 2 under 2 thing, 3 times. I don't have any family help (in laws live 10 hours away and I'm completely estranged from my own family) and you just do what you do. You'll find you just find your groove and go with it.
My hardest issue with the close gap was trying to juggle having my youngest in hospital at 3 weeks old for surgery, while managing the other 3, one of which was about a month off his autism diagnosis and struggled with me staying at the hospital. And the nature of my youngests issue meant that he was unable to sleep longer than 10-20 minutes at a time for those 3 weeks so I was so exhausted. (Fell asleep/literally crashed on top of my suitcase at the hospital when we got up to the ward) but obviously that's not something that can be predicted in anyway.
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01-05-2016 13:32 #8
definitely can see how GWTF and not obsessing over clock watching etc would be helpful.
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01-05-2016 13:35 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2013
I would have had 18 months between #1 & 2 but had a mc. Ended up with 2.5 yrs between them and I found it to be good as #1 was TT and just that bit more independent.
Everyone is different and I say go for it. I honestly don't think there's a right or wrong age gap.
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01-05-2016 13:51 #10
I didn't find two under two difficult (I also had a 6 yr old at the time as well). But several factors worked in my favour here (no pnd, very hands on supportive dh, easy birth and breastfeeding experience, relatively content baby (doesn't sleep but I'm used to that now!)). We also have next to no family support, but I guess because I have known no different it's never bothered me.
I would go for it if I were you. Main factor being your age and not knowing whether there will be fertility issues or whether you may want a third down the line. It will keep your options open.
The hardest thing about my close gap is my toddler's personality. She is a complete livewire. She is absolutely bonkers. My two boys are a breeze compared to her. It means I need to be on high alert all the time. But we still get out everyday and enjoy life.
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