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  1. #71
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    We did a pre marriage counselling, and we both read a book that was religious? but not so exactly to one faith. The book covered many different elements about child raising and discipline. We both agreed with most everything in the book. We were on a the same page, but our methods were a bit different at first. Also, my Dh had a job that took him away for an average of three weeks occasionally, so I was doing everything on my own sometimes. I just want to say, it is not easy to get everything right and to agree with everything that your partner does. Life is a series of compromises, and you have to find a middle ground. If this is becoming a serious treat to your stability as a family, then you need to take proper steps to find a solution. perhaps there is a method you can both agree on, and also include the children in the best method that they are happy with. (If your children are old enough ) ? marie.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Homeschooling4 View Post
    Yes! Thankyou! We unschool for the younger ones and relaxed homeschooling for the older one. When she does her work I don't force her at 9-3 to sit down and hsve a schedule like at school. We do what works. Most of the time the older one would rather do work ( say maths, english) at night anyway.
    Theres lots of styles of homeschooling not just " school at home."
    And even "school at home" style requires nowhere near 6 hours per day 5 days per week to be on par with state schooled peers. There's an awful lot of empty time when the ratio in more like 30 to 1 that is just not required when the ratio is 1 on 1, or 1 on 4.

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  4. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    I'm pretty sure the op says they unschool.
    Yeah I knew that. But my understanding is home schooling kids still requires the parent/s to stick to the curriculum.I would think it doesn't really matter if they are getting 1 to 4 or 1 to 25. It still takes the same amount of time to model the maths problem, for the child to do a worksheet. Improper fractions would need the same amount of time spent at home as at school.But then I readily admit I'm not a fan generally of unschooling.

  5. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Yeah I knew that. But my understanding is home schooling kids still requires the parent/s to stick to the curriculum.I would think it doesn't really matter if they are getting 1 to 4 or 1 to 25. It still takes the same amount of time to model the maths problem, for the child to do a worksheet. Improper fractions would need the same amount of time spent at home as at school.But then I readily admit I'm not a fan generally of unschooling.
    You won't find many worksheets in an unschooler's day I'd also need an awful lot less time with 1-4 students to get the same outcome as in a typical classroom. Off topic, I know.

    OP: I'm a bit like your partner in the way I respond to our kids. It's awful, and I know better. I'm a qualified teacher, I work with children who've been removed from their families and I'm well-versed in child development...I still struggle to moderate my responses when it comes to my own daughter. I'm well aware that it's a problem though, and am working very hard on it.

    I guess the issue here is not just his behaviour, but the fact that it's causing tension and distress for the whole family and he doesn't appear willing to change.

    Other than what you've already done, my only real thought is counseling/parenting classes. In the end though, it does come down to what you can live with. If your partner absolutely will not budge, then you have to make the decision as to whether his parenting is a deal breaker in your relationship. If you knew, guaranteed, that he would never change...would you still be willing to be in the relationship?

  6. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Yeah I knew that. But my understanding is home schooling kids still requires the parent/s to stick to the curriculum.I would think it doesn't really matter if they are getting 1 to 4 or 1 to 25. It still takes the same amount of time to model the maths problem, for the child to do a worksheet. Improper fractions would need the same amount of time spent at home as at school.But then I readily admit I'm not a fan generally of unschooling.
    No they wouldn't. It's much much quicker teaching in smaller groups.

  7. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Yeah I knew that. But my understanding is home schooling kids still requires the parent/s to stick to the curriculum.I would think it doesn't really matter if they are getting 1 to 4 or 1 to 25. It still takes the same amount of time to model the maths problem, for the child to do a worksheet. Improper fractions would need the same amount of time spent at home as at school.But then I readily admit I'm not a fan generally of unschooling.
    My understanding of homeschooling (not unschooling...I don't know much about that), is that schoolwork takes far less time to complete than in a school environment.

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    This is how I would approach it. I would sit down and say the way WE are parenting at the moment isn't working. WE are giving mixed messages and fighting over it. WE need to have a united front. I think WE should sit down and talk about how WE want to parent. I would then start by asking him how he thinks I could improve and also mention some things I want to improve on. Stop and listen to everything he has to say even if you don't agree.

    If he says you need to be more strict, take that on board. What things does he think you need to be more strict with. See if you can make some compromise.

    Then its his turn. Before you start ask him to give you the same courtesy and listen to everything you have to say.

    If it starts turning into a fight I would say this isn't a fight this is a discussion lets cool down, thing about the constructive things that were said and come back to it later and I would walk away.

    Might not work for everyone and sometimes people don't want to change but maybe it might work.

  9. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by inner hippy View Post
    This is how I would approach it. I would sit down and say the way WE are parenting at the moment isn't working. WE are giving mixed messages and fighting over it. WE need to have a united front. I think WE should sit down and talk about how WE want to parent. I would then start by asking him how he thinks I could improve and also mention some things I want to improve on. Stop and listen to everything he has to say even if you don't agree.

    If he says you need to be more strict, take that on board. What things does he think you need to be more strict with. See if you can make some compromise.

    Then its his turn. Before you start ask him to give you the same courtesy and listen to everything you have to say.

    If it starts turning into a fight I would say this isn't a fight this is a discussion lets cool down, thing about the constructive things that were said and come back to it later and I would walk away.

    Might not work for everyone and sometimes people don't want to change but maybe it might work.
    Believe me, I do say "we both" all the time. He still thinks I'm attacking him. I don't know. Maybe he's just not hearing me.
    I'll say "both of us need to do XYZ" "we both need XYZ"
    But he gets angry and thinks he doesn't need to change.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Homeschooling4 View Post
    Believe me, I do say "we both" all the time. He still thinks I'm attacking him. I don't know. Maybe he's just not hearing me.
    I'll say "both of us need to do XYZ" "we both need XYZ"
    But he gets angry and thinks he doesn't need to change.
    Bc he knows deep down you are right that's why he's so defensive. It sounds to me like he's more interested in standing over his step kids and being boss of the house than changing. You've clearly outlined the issues. You can't force change. I'd be showing him the door

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    Sounds like history repeating to me!


 

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