so now that I've received a good cross-section of responses I'll tell you all how I feel about this.
as I'm quickly finding with most things baby-related, I actually feel both ways about it. completely on the fence (which is unusual for me as I'm usually much more one way or another).
my mil is quite needy/clingy, still refers to her boys by their childhood nicknames despite them both complaining about it, calls these grown men "my babies" so honestly i'm not in the slightest bit surprised she'd continue on in this fashion. in fact I expected it.
fil is the complete opposite and dh doesn't see him hardly (mil and fil are divorced obviously) we didn't even get a card after ds was born. so, when you have such polar opposites for in laws, you do appreciate the more doting party as it means they actually care. so in that respect I do think it's lovely as its part of the whole affection package that someone cares about their adorable little grandson. also, on a logical level, I know there's no malice intended. she's not saying "my" to belittle or trivialize my position as his mother.
there is a tiny part of my ancient mammalian brain however that makes me roll my eyes. I think this is more a reaction to mil's general clingyness rather than simply referring to ds as "my", which I agree would be pretty petty.
so yeah, completely on the fence with this one. and I don't intend to do anything about it, as I don't believe you really can. you just let it go and roll your eyes in private but appreciate the fact my baby has such a loving grandparent.
and yes LLH I completely agree with what you said too. if it's said with bad intention behind it (ie to undermine the mum) then I agree it's awful.
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30-04-2016 07:16 #51
people referring to your baby as "my"
30-04-2016 07:18 #52Senior Member
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- Dec 2015
30-04-2016 07:46 #53
people referring to your baby as "my"
My mother who referred to my eldest as "my little baby" and refused to correct people if she was holding him and they said she had a lovely son... Also referred to my second son as "that child" or "that baby" (before promptly telling me that he, as a 6 month old, was a little **** and not allowed in her house anymore). There was no love and definitely no doting. Otherwise it would be for both correct?? She was absolutely trying to claim ownership over my first son. She even said to me "you were supposed to be a boy. Now I finally have the boy I always wanted." And took it upon herself to give him his first haircut, first food, tried to get him to walk in front of her first etc.
What part of my being irked by that is petty? I agree with PP that unless you have had to deal with narcissistic grandparents who aren't just lovingly doting on your child, then maybe it's hard to understand.
Last edited by Ahalfdozen; 30-04-2016 at 08:01.
30-04-2016 07:54 #54
30-04-2016 08:02 #55
30-04-2016 08:16 #56
Put it this way, without your in laws and without your parents there would be no child, technically our kids are 'theirs', their grand children. But really saying 'hi my grandchild' sounds a bit formal and a little silly. So saying 'hi my boy' sounds perfectly normal, natural and legitimate.
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30-04-2016 08:23 #57
There is definitely a line. As I said in a PP if it's clearly a possession thing and their actions show it's more than a passing or loving comment, that's not fine.
But if it's just because you don't like your in laws, that is being petty.
30-04-2016 08:35 #58
I call my granddaughter 'My sweet A****'. I don't call her my baby though, as she is my DD's bub and I'm not a smother lol
30-04-2016 08:48 #59
I'll clarify as I misread the title, I didn't like my parents or in laws when my kids were babies calling them ''my baby" as if it were there own. Calling them my darling, my sweet boy etc didn't bother me, it was just the my baby - like when they'd say "whose my baby". None of the other stuff bothers me just that one.
30-04-2016 08:55 #60
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