I've just found out I'm unexpectedly pregnant with my third. We have two older children, a happy marriage, two good jobs, good family support.
But thinking about starting again I just feel....tired. I've given away all my baby things, we are moving into the school years.
Probably my biggest worry is money, we do ok, have savings, but also have a pretty nice lifestyle that I don't think we could continue with a third. Kids activities, school, clothes. We would eventually have to extend the house.
Is having to sacrifice a lifestyle a big enough reason to not continue with a pregnancy? I've been googling costs of a third and it seems frightful.
But when I think of a baby I can picture it, but the hard yards of paying for a third for another two decades? It's frightening.
I know no one can decide for us, but I feel too ashamed of my thoughts to talk with friends.
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29-04-2016 13:56 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2016
29-04-2016 14:59 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2011
Not sure how far along you are, but the decision is yours and your partners at the end of the day.
I know for me personally I couldn't mentally go back to that baby stage and feel right doing so within myself so I would make a decision based on my own mental health.
Many people say that you never regret the children you have.
Personally I think everyone is different and its something you may need to take a week or two to assess. Right now it's possible that you haven't thought through everything thoroughly and you need to take a step back to assess ...
29-04-2016 18:17 #3
The decision is yours! Don't let anyone make you feel bad if you decide to terminate. Even though I have had 3 children with IVF I know I am done and I know what I would be doing if I found myself pregnant again and I have taken extra precautions so that will be very unlikely to happen. All I can suggest is once you make your decision look at measures to ensure it doesn't happen again.
29-04-2016 18:45 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
My unplanned third is nearly 2. Finances weren't our issue but me being sahm for so long was/is. I'd planned to get back into study / work the next year when ds was in school. Tbh it's been really hard. It's caused so many issues in my relationship with dp and knock on dd1. But I think that was him not being happy that I made the decision to go ahead with the pregnancy. For me I couldn't terminate tho I didn't want to be pregnant. It wasn't logical and I think it can be the best thing for many women/families. For me I worried that anything I did might feel hollow and leave me wondering about this person. But I would say it wasn't until I got pregnant that I knew I didn't really want to be, I'd just turned 40 so I had been trying to figure out if I was 100% finished.
I wasn't ready mentally literally until she was born. I completely fell in love with her and she's a crazy wonderful addition to our family and now I know I'm done. But it's taken its toll. We have no family here and dp has only really bonded with her in the last few months.
Sorry for the novel. It's a really hard place to be in. I was so shocked when I got positive pg test I thought I had ovarian cancer! It really did mess us all around. All my friends were finished at 2 kids so starting over was so hard. Still is so hard. I so understand not being able to talk to friends. I never told anyone that I considered a termination. And I still remember the shock on their faces when they got our news.
There's no right or wrong. I would be devastated to get pregnant now but I'm so happy we went ahead with number 3. Good luck!
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