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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Toddlers being mean (3yo)

    I have a 3yo DS. I don't consider myself to be a harsh disciplinarian, but there some things I won't tolerate. Being mean to other kids is one of them. If he has a friend over and says mean things to them or snatches their toys etc, he immediately gets told off or sent to his naughty corner.

    This seems to have worked in that my beautiful boy is very rarely rude or mean to other kids.

    On the weekend he was playing with a friend who I think just got sick of sharing his toys, or maybe he was over tired, hungry or something. This child was in DS1's face screaming at him to go home because he doesn't want him here.

    DS1 just sort of closed up. He just sat there looking sadly at the ground, saying nothing.

    His friend was taken away and DS1 went back to playing by himself.

    How do I handle situations like this? I'm worried I've been so hard on him for being mean to his friends that now he won't stick up for himself. If the kids had been alone I would have instructed DS1 to tell him to stop speaking to him like that, but the kid's mother was there so I couldn't.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I find now that my kids are nearly 3, in situations like this we can talk about it afterwards if need be and reestablish what i expect. I sound similar to you in expectations and it can be really difficult when others have different boundaries. So i suppose if you're concerned I'd have an honest chat with him. I always reflect with them and chat about what we could do to solve the problem in that situation. I usually, at this age, let them know that they ask once for someone to stop and then come to me. I don't expect them to have a big list of problem solving strategies if it is quite full on like that situation but reassuringthat i absolutely don't expect them to put up with it.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    My DS is 3 (just turned 3 in March). I really like the way childcare help the kids (including my DS) to handle situations. Obviously they are 3 so not perfect but I have found DS has a lot more confidence.

    Firstly they are told to speak to the other child and they say 'stop it I don't like it' (DS says the same thing to us). If this does not work, he walks away and tells an adult (I have been encouraging all of this at home too).

    I believe they are starting to work out any issues on their own. Of course bigger ones they still see an adult.

    But in doing this I found DS has found his voice.


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