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  1. #1
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    Default Missing time alone with first child after birth of second child

    Just wondering if this feeling is normal? I had my second child almost a month ago. Since DH has gone back to work I've found it really difficult to manage both children on my own. DD1 has just started going to daycare 2 days a week and my Mum and MIL have offered to have her at their place 1 day a week each. I'm so grateful for the help but now she's only home with me 1 day a week plus the weekend.

    That's down from with full time before bubs was born. I'm just missing her a lot and I feel really emotional about all the changes. Is this normal when a second child comes along and will the feeling eventually go away? Or will I always long for that time when it was just me and DD1 spending all our time together?

    Does it get easier to manage 2 kids? At the moment I'm demand breastfeeding the baby and I just feel like I have no time for DD1 and I'm wracked with guilt over it.

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    Totally normal. I felt like this a lot as DD was 5 when we had DS and DH worked long hours. So we were used to lots of time just the two of us. I had prople offering to have her over for a play etc to give me a break but, since she was 5 days at school, I didn't really want to lose any more time with her.

    It definitely got better once DS was less likely to demand immediate attention (eg. poo explosion) and I could dedicate time to doing something with her with less interruptions.

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    My DS is at childcare 2 days a week. He is home with me the other days of the week.

    I miss having just him and me. But I do try and make special time with just us. I have expressed milk so DH can feed DD. I then spend time with DS - we play with his cars or just cuddle. Last night I rocked him to sleep in the rocking chair and we had cuddles.

    When I feed DD he also comes for cuddles. We read books or just talk. I also use the carrier a lot so we still go out to the shops/cafe/playground etc.

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    Totally normal. I remember climbing into bed for cuddles with DS when he was asleep just to spend some time with him.

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    Totally normal! I MISSED dd1, I used to put dd2 in the ergo and pretty much pretend she wasn't there, I'd paint with dd1, take her to the playground, do as many things as I could with her. Dd1 was happy as we were spending quality time together, doing things, dd2 was happy as she was in the carrier right against me. I found it ok, a little bit limiting and not ideal, but I made it work.

    Prior to getting the ergo and dd2 being big enough to go into it, I was sad and lonely for dd1. And I had her at home 24/7. Can you keep your dd home more?

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    Totally normal. And I didnt have DD home full time because I worked part time. As DS became older we'd leave him at home and do mummy daughter things to get some time together. I'd also try and do her story and put her to bed.

    I remember putting DD to bed when Ds was 3 days old and feeling ao bad that Ive completely changed DD's world but she loves DS and they generally get along well.

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    Very normal.

    My only suggestion would be that no care to 4 days would feel like a lot. Personally, for me I cope better if my kids are with me more days than not (save for compulsory school). So when I had the choice I always had them in for 3 days and then home for 4. For me it felt like a better balance.

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sonja For This Useful Post:

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    My real struggle has been the mummy guilt. Now dd2 is almost 6 months and I'm not so sleep deprived and having chunkier naps it is easier to have that 1:1 time with dd1.

    I agree with Sonja that 4 days might be too much at this stage. Any chance your mum/mil could alternate week to week? Or one of those days they could stay with you guys and be hands on with bubs so you can go out to the park or just spend time with dd1 uninterrupted?

    Also on the weekend could you just do some shopping with dd1 and leave dd2 with hubby for an hour or so?

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    Normal. But as I've always had my older girls with me FT with a new baby I didn't quite get to miss them much.

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    Thanks for the reassurance. I agree 4 days is a lot, I'd really like to have her home more but I'm really struggling with breastfeeding and being able to help DD1 with toileting, providing food, keeping her entertained whilst chained to DD2. I'm hoping it gets easier soon.

    The thing is she's really happy to go to her Grandmother's houses, she has the best time with both of them so I'm glad she's happy even though I miss her. With daycare we only just got a place for her and I really wanted her to get used to it before she does Kindy next year. Ideally we would have started before DD2 arrived. The centre does a minimum 2 days and I didn't want to turn the place down and go back on a waiting list. Things are just changing so fast. Being postpartum and hormonal doesn't help either. Hoping this feeling goes away soon.


 

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