He seems to either be too busy, too tired from work or the kids are too much (2 yr old and 8 mth old)
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26-04-2016 06:03 #11
26-04-2016 07:23 #12
I would be deferring study. I would also be giving your not so dear husband some very clear messages that he needs to step up. I'm a SAHM and my DH has been working 50 hours a week and still helps me with the kids and house. While I do all the night wakings he steps up without being asked when he sees me struggling.
It sounds like the main issue here is him.
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Tiny Dancer (26-04-2016)
26-04-2016 07:26 #13
I have to pay to defer study so not really an option 😞
26-04-2016 07:37 #14
as others have pointed out, getting yourself taken care of is a much higher priority now as you're no good to anyone if you're exhausted and unwell. if study can't be deferred, I'd suggest letting the housework slide. do the bare minimum to keep things functioning but if the floors are a bit grubby or the place is dusty, well just leave it. perhaps it'll start to bother your dh and it might kick him into action.
26-04-2016 08:22 #15
I agree with PPs. Something has to give. I'd say the cleaning too.
Did you say your DH was a SAHD? You said he doesn't do night wakings as he's at home with the kids all day.
If he is a SAHD, get him to do a bit more cleaning in the day and sit down and have a chat with him and explain your PND is getting worse because of all of your commitments and the imbalance of who does what in your house.
Maybe come up with a schedule of night wakings, you do week days and he does weekends so you can recharge your batteries then. Or you can do the baby's wakings and he takes care of the 2 year old every night and hire a cleaner. There's not a lot of point in asking him in the middle of the night to get up if he's a deep sleeper and takes too long to rouse. Have the conversation before you get him to share the load as that will be easier than during the wakings.
If he doesn't have the compassion to then be able to help more even after you explain how it's making your PND and PNA worse, I would be seriously questioning your relationship.
Big hugs. I hope you can have a chat and work out a few ways to ease your load
26-04-2016 08:26 #16
He isnt a SAHD. He works some nights, has days off during the week and works one day on the weekend. I work 9-5 Mon, Thurs and Friday and half day Wednesday and Tuesday. I'm happy to do wake up on the days he works but some help otherwise is impossible
26-04-2016 09:33 #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2013
Although not as bad as what you're going through, when I was on maternity leave I did all the night wrongs and DP didn't help unless I was really struggling. I think this contributed to him having the ability to sleep through DS waking (I'm actually quite jealous that he can).
When I went back to work (DS was around 7 months old) I was very upfront that I couldn't continue. We basically split up the nights so each of us knew when we would be getting up. To start with I had to shove him out of bed and it took him a while to wake up. He soon learnt though that it's generally easier to settle when you get to them quickly and has now improved.
DS now sleeps through 9/10 nights and we still share the wake ups.
Anyway, my point is that unless you are married to a mind reader you need to be upfront about what you want. It may involve a few weeks of transition and you'll need to stick with it.
Your health has to take priority.
26-04-2016 09:36 #18
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