I think you and your DH need to stop letting things fester and be open (in a timely manner) with your mil about any concerns that arise.
Different things bother different people - the cake wouldn't bother me - if someone wanted to bake my kid a cake I would jump for joy. I don't do baking. If my mil dropped in unannounced that would probably bother me. My point is your mil isn't a mind reader. If she is continually annoying you chances are it's because you and your DH have danced around the truth for too long.
Best of luck.
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25-04-2016 08:46 #11-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
25-04-2016 09:29 #12
I wish my MIL would take an interest in my kids! Sure, I don't want her taking over either, but it would be nice if she wanted to be involved in their lives.
Anyway, if it were me, I would just let her make the cake and bite my tongue and then next year make it clear that you would like to make the cake. I would say something like "you did a great job on the cake last year and I can do it this year".
I agree with letting DH tell his mum things as it's his mum, but only if it's something he is likely to say and not out of character, otherwise she'll know it's coming from you and be offended.
With the coming over unannounced situation, I don't really have any advice there as whatever you say will be upsetting to her no matter how you put it.
Wishing you all the best.
25-04-2016 10:09 #13
In laws help
My in-laws are going to be overseas when DS turns one, and my parents live overseas so no grandparents which makes me sad.
They put on a massive bash for my nieces first birthday 5 years ago. Massively annoying.
25-04-2016 10:10 #14
I would get hubby to have a chat with her. Tell her that you want to make the cakes for your kids birthdays as its special to you. I'd wait before asking her to call/text first. If you hit her with both thing at once, she will get more upset.
I feel for you OP. I'd not like someone thinking they can take over with birthday cakes either. It's something I put hours in to and is special, so think your MIL has overstepped the mark. And the showing up would bother me too as I'm not a "drop in" kind of person. I like warning for visitors so I can have good clothes on, not my trackie pants LOL. You could always say something like "it would be great if you could let us know when you're popping over. We have a fair bit on in the next few months and I'd hate for you to make a trip over only to find we're not home". It's great she's involved and interested though.
The treats wouldn't bother me so much. It's what grandparents do. If there's lots, just give your DD one and put the rest in the cupboard.
25-04-2016 16:14 #15Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2008
25-04-2016 16:51 #16
The cake thing would bother me, purely as I love doing it for my own kids but I would probably let it slide. Or moreso, I would see if there is a way we could make a thing of it, decorating it together etc?? And buy some sugar flowers, pink sprinkles etc.
The dropping by unannounced would potentially irk me a lot more. Only because I'm a rubbish housekeeper and my house, unless after 10pm when the kids are sleeping, is rarely up to visitor standard. I'm just lucky that if my MIL rocked up and it was a pigsty, she would roll up her sleeves and get cracking on the cleaning with me (to help me, she's a lovely lady). As it is, she lives 10 hours away so we rarely see her but when we do, the kids get chocolates before dinner etc but I just figure she did the mum thing already, now she can do the granny thing. But if it was all the time I would have to say something.
25-04-2016 16:54 #17
Maybe the car cake can be for an afternoon tea at her house and you can still do your own for her actual birthday party.
25-04-2016 17:40 #18
25-04-2016 19:25 #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2014
I think it would have been easier if you spoke up and said something straight away about the cake like others have said. You could even ask her if she would be happy to bake it, then you could decorate it...and just run with the cars theme...if your daughter likes the movie then I'm sure she'll be happy with the cake.
The coming over unannounced with junk food and presents is one I'd make my DH deal with. His mum means it's up to him to have that conversation.
Overbearing grandparents can be hard to deal with. I guess you just have to remind yourself their intentions come from a good place, but it's still ok to set boundaries.
26-04-2016 15:08 #20
I would just go ahead with my own plans.....make the cake I had planned, birthday week is huge at our house, and the cake is a huge part, it's got to fit the theme! I wouldn't even bother saying anything about it, I'd feel bad as she's just excited I guess. I'd look at it as part of her gift.
As for the popping in, I've tried, DH has had a word many times nicely and not so nicely, it always goes back to the old unannounced- I was in the area visits, it annoys me, especially if we are on our way out, or we just got out of bed, but I no longer let it change my plans, so if I'm doing something or going out, I don't let it interfere, I keep doing what I'm doing. We also get the junk food, stuff we would never buy, dh tells them all the time, they still keep bringing junk, so I think get your DH to have a word, but in my case they slowly but surely always go back to their old ways!
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