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  1. #21
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    My Mum has been unhappily married for 30 years now (not to my Dad). She has known for the past 27 years that she wasn't happy, yet she stayed. Why? Because she worried what other people would think of her if she left.

    It makes me so sad that she still has another (hopefully) 25+ years left in her life, and she is potentially going to be stuck in that same unhappy relationship for the entire time.

    Do what you need to do so that you don't wake up in 40 years and realise you've just been treading water day after day after day. Go and live YOUR life.

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  3. #22
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    I also want to add, look at it this way - you're willing to sacrifice your happiness in order to keep those other people happy. Would they do the same for you? Will they support you in pursuing what makes you happy? If so, they will understand and stand by you in your decision to leave. And if it upsets them, then they are clearly not concerned about you so don't you be factoring their reactions into this decision. Does that make sense? You are the one living with this. They should all be happy for you. I understand it's not as black and white as that and family is important, absolutely, but if someone in my family wanted to leave an unhappy marriage, they'd have my support 100%, regardless of how much I loved and cared for their partner. There's no reason why they still can't be a part of both of your lives after the separation.

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  5. #23
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    Hugs Hun, I remember some of your threads and posts and given the way your DH has treated you in the past - remembering how he poured oil over you in the kitchen and laughed about it and the way he is with 'his' money,
    I would say leave.

    My parents have been in an unhappy marriage for as long as I can remember. I know mum will be happier without Dad but she feels it's too late in her life now and they are actually now going to counselling, but they're both willing participants in the counselling and both realise that they are both the issue in their relationship.

    I see them every time I hear your posts and I have the same wish for you and that is that you leave him if it will make you happy.

    Now your daughter has finished school if you do leave it will be less disruptive for her now.

    I know it is far easier said than done but stuff everyone else, your parents, his parents, even him and focus on yourself. Given the age of your kids, you've given enough of your life to everyone else, now it's time for YOU and you should feel no guilt about that.

    I really do hope you find the strength to leave one day soon.

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  7. #24
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    We are around the same age and whilst I have a little one now (and another on the way) I also, like you have an adult son.

    I know my eldest son would want me to be happy. I am sure your children want that for you too.

    I understand your fear and it is not a trivial thing. But I don't want my children to live their lives dictated to by fear and I doubt you want that for yours either. So show them the way, show them despite your fears you are grabbing life in both hands and living it.

    Huge hugs leaving is never easy xx

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  9. #25
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    Thank you to everyone who posted!

    I know what I need to do and will start the process this week.

    I need to bite the bullet and be happy and I know the only way to achieve this is to leave.

    thanks again for the supportive words

    Xx

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  11. #26
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    Best of luck with it all.

  12. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
    Best of luck with it all.
    Thank you

  13. #28
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    You can do this! No doubt it will be difficult but it will all feel worth it once you've moved on.

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    @Louise41 i think we were in a trying to conceive group together at one stage. Well....i am now a single mum, so am happy to lend support if you need. All very recent for me (late last year) but a little way along the path.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NAT2561 View Post
    @Louise41 i think we were in a trying to conceive group together at one stage. Well....i am now a single mum, so am happy to lend support if you need. All very recent for me (late last year) but a little way along the path.
    Hi thank you. Sorry I wasn't in any TTC groups as I can't have any more kids . I do appreciate your kind words and offer of support. Xxx


 

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